Talk about myself? Why, I think I can do that. :]

Let's see... I have a long winded way of explaining things. And even
that is ham fisted at best, haha. I like making points in threes and
I have been known to exaggerate, but only do so when lighthearted
carelessness is a luxury that the topic under discussion can afford.
I am almost nineteen, with very little psychonautical experience, but
certainly not for lack of wanting (I am waiting (Since I was about
fifteen turning sixteen, when I first learnt of the psychonautic
movement) until I have a secure location, before I take things
to the next level), I am dark skinned, my father is Moroccan, my
mother Pacific Islander (Tokelau, for anyone to whom that means
something, lol, however few of you I suspect that is), the mother
of my heart is Kiwi, and I grew up in NZ moving to Australia at about
eight. As such, I don't feel any kind sense of nationalism, pride, or
sense of belonging within the wider globe, but rather, more of a general
ambiance, a sort of satisfaction, for, I'm not Kiwi, nor Moroccan, nor
Islander, nor even black, I'm just another rube, another conglomeration
of thoughts and nerve endings bumping around in the darkness, reaching out,
and trying to connect to other, similar, minds, and if I am to be totally
honest (which you will hopefully come to learn that I almost always am),
then I would say that I rather enjoy it! Anyway, perhaps I can prove to
you my worth as a potentially valuable member of this excellent garden
with a couple of stories, give you an idea of what I perceive as my self,
so, without any further psuedo-metaphysical fuss-

Mari Jayne, my first real girl friend.

I had at that time in my life been going through a lot of difficulty,
feeling alienated by my opinions and thoughts of the world, the
crushing sense of hopelessness that I ran into at almost every turn,
for I often wanted to talk about philosophy, or what I would later
come to learn was metaphysics, questioning the basics of why people
are a certain way. I was very inquisitive, and wanted to understand
many things which didn't make much sense, why don't people care about
each other? Why do people get addicted to things? Especially; why is it
that no body really seems to be interested in asking why?

So, at the age of thirteen (that year turning fourteen),
and after falling pretty heavily for my best friend,

-Who quickly annihilated my innocence towards
love, and consequentially, ruined what little
emotional control I had over myself at the time.-

coupled with the alienation at school, at home and
in general, all of this ignited by a myriad labyrinth
of greatly upsetting events, which I wont get into for the
sake of boredom, or lack thereof, I did what I would later come
to do many times throughout my life. I looked for a way to
alter my mind state. That's when I met Mari.

Her and I, we got along pretty well for a long time, I
find that she's a very diverse lover, and often could serve
me as a muse, a means to escape (from and to), a social lubricant,
a sexual lubricant, etc etc etc. But as of recently, upon finding her
in Morocco, in a rather... different incarnation, I have come to realize
that, to be honest, I am bored. I've had enough, for I'm not a child any
more, and in fact, I don't even feel like a teenager. I guess I realized
that my love for her was only based on superficial comfort, the comfort
a slot machine might offer some people, a comfort that is stagnant,
and inhibits growth. I have decided to re-evaluate my relationship
with her, and will from now on only meet her on occasion, and not, as
I had done for a long time; ritualistically, dependently and habitually.

Liquidus, Solidus and Delusion, baby learns to stand.

When I was eleven years old, I found
The Doors of Perception
online, through a forum that I frequented, and read it as thoroughly
as my limited vocabulary would allow, needless to say, a lot of it
went over my head, but perhaps even more needless to say, I really
wanted to try mescaline. I found out about LSD through the same forum,
and learned that the effects were actually greater than that of mescaline,
and so of course, my desire switched direction.

Well, as an eleven year old kid, it was obviously a little difficult
to conceive of realistically trying the substances, but I knew that it
was something I greatly wanted to do, rather similar to becoming an
astronaut, archeologist, or million other things, so I put the idea away
in the back of my mind, and continued developing, slowly losing all of
these aforementioned desires, discovering that, in actual fact, life as
an astronaut, or archeologist, or whatever, wasn't quite as good as it
was idealistic, and that politics

-a beast which would later become a horrible blend of
scapegoat and black hole
for all of my frustration and anger toward the world-

was usually more.. important, or perhaps necessary, than the main
values of the astronaut or whatever. But throughout all of that
change, all of that growth and eventually evaluation, then re-evaluation
of self, one thing never changed; LSD. The glorious, mind expanding
wonders of Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. Of course an idealistic bud wouldn't want
to grow into a pruned, trimmed, cut-down-to-size-and-into-shape hedge,
but a free and ever expanding, ever experiencing vine. Of course.

So! To finally get to the point, whilst skipping past years of mindless
love with Mari, a short and very nasty stint with alcohol which
actually showed me the incredible perseverance of character,
the strength, which I was able to access within my self,
and many, many other topics I am easily able to enter into large,
unstructured, convoluted discourse on, I finally got my act together and
found some tabs!
wuhoo!

Hmm, I shall hereby post a link to the page on my blog,

- http://aboringread.wordp...2011/03/17/i-am-shocked/ -

and anyone who wishes to read more about my experience, can refer to them
there, otherwise, for the sake of keeping your interest, I shall give
the short story; it sucked. Imagine getting out of prison after being stuck
there for fifteen years, finding a lovely entrepreneur (whatever your preference)
to take to a discreet location and enjoy his, her, it or their services, and
blowing your load before you even got your underwear off. Just try to
imagine the world shattering disappointment (If you don't know what
it's like to have a male orgasm, then, gosh, use your imagination? ).
Well that disappointment was not even close to how I felt after taking two
tabs. Even longer story (believe it or not, haha) short; I learnt,
rather like Pip, come to think of it, about how my great
expectation was what caused said disappointment. And
so the first lesson of my Quest to Psychonautical Mastery,
was that I am currently too young, to inexperienced
to anticipate the ride, and shouldn't attempt
to control the altered mindstate until much
mmuch later, as I mentioned earlier,
when I can truly psychonavigate.

I hope that you found whatever it is you were looking for,
in my essay, and that it can act as at least a toe in the
DMT-Nexus door, for I truly do respect this forum, and
believe my quest would be a -lot- easier and more enjoyable
with the assistance, support and community that this forum
has to offer.

I have many, many hours of experience with forums, and this
one, I am happy to announce, is the only one that I've come
across of its kind, that is to say, a place where the
values of open mindedness, intelligence, and responsible
drug taking are not only preached, but even practiced.

So yeah, I look forward to our stimulating conversation.
If you've read this far, drop in a reply before you head out,
yeah?


ps. The file dump is utterly mindblowing! I've been
working out the plot for an epic comic series recently
and I head there, only to find that it's already been done,
guess I'll just have to work harder!