Hi! I must feel a bit like I was supposed to when I first went to an NA 12 step meeting and everybody is like "welcome brother! Now Your home!" But that wasn't my path at that time and I feel that this is probably going to be a much more comfortable place.
I had read about DMT in books but knew nothing of its' sister (5meo-DMT) around the turn of the century. When I asked my skilled friend who would synthesize diffrent things for me as long as they weren't schedualed and controlled (or at least nobody had ever been prosecuted for possessing it) if he could make me some DMT he said "NO, that ones just to hot but, I will send you 5MEO-DMT; a relative to it!" I noticed that his face light up and his demeaner changed quit a bit as if he couldn't contain his excitment for this project! As for me, I was excited because I loved to trip but I confess to haveing a business relationship with this individual and the 2-CT7 was a good seller at the time but scary things would happen almost weekly (we where not fortunate enuf to have the published research of A.Shulgin and misstakes were being made we never would have guessed at).
When a gram of 5meo arvived in my mail box the next week I excitedly took it to my rome and loaded up about 5(ish)mg (as per his advice) into a skillet and took a toke. It wasn't the wildly hallucinogenic experiance that I had imagined. It just felt like I had jumped out of a jet plane! I fell back onto my bed laughing and nick named it "sky-dive" (I always had to make up some stupid name for promotional value back then. It gives the sleepwalkers a false sense of knowing what it is they don't even know about what in the hell they had purchased at the club and feel cool cause they are high on to the latest thing).
Man this stuff was pure too! That was a whole world and government ago...Today I have no illusions about the legalities of what I sold thinking the government didn't even know yet about people like me and products like mine. Also I feel that most of that great 5MEO was probably waisted up the nose of some cuddle creep on MDMA and coke. Not all though...my sensei dropped to his knees with tears streeming and began to thank Jesus for a good thirty minutes (he insists it was more like thousands of years). Me, I just had the funnest years of my life around that time.
I waxed and waned. Eight years later found me living out doors and sleeping under a side walk next to a river and a powerplant. I had a bad Heroin habit and learned the hard way that even just twenty dollars a day can be financually devastating when you must have it to function.
I had a bag of 'mystery dope' one of my good friends had found somewhere and brought to me to check out since I was considered to be "that guy who knowes about alot of strange drugs". My friend noticed that it was cherry kool aid and something else. He had guessed MDA and injected what he thought would be a safely small amount to test it out(!). He discribed having died and being quit shocked that he was still alive. I injected a very small amount and am quite convinced that it was 5MEO and perhapes a coctail of others (Bufotenine, n-ndmt,det perhaps?) and it had been put in vitamin C in order to make it water sulable for injection. Quit fun for a veteran if not just a little crazy
Thing is, I made a misstake a few days latter; I prepared a shot of it habitualy as if it was Crystal Meth(!
who's the sleeper now?!lol) not paying attention! I'm sure that I injected way more than the current hypothetical LD50!
I've always known that these things are just a window. Meditation is the door. When you take a look thats all you get is a look; not like opening up the door and walking down the rode outside. What one gets from meditation is hard earned but is real and can never be taken from you. What one gets from an ally or substance can scarcly be held on to and is a good simile of the outside but it is just a look out the window and not the whole real acctual thing...But as I fell to my knees and saw the ground dissapear beneath my hands I thought "OH NO!;I think I just fucked up!)...
And BOY! What a veiw!!
Everybodys life flashed before my eyes! Yes, in that, or because of, so did Gods life flash before my eyes! I saw as the Atman (the one soul that I understand we are all diffrent faces of, not bound to space and time and so incarnated as everybody now, then, and later. Divided for the sake of interaction, exploration, entertainment, and especially unity! Thus for the sake of love and that love being the primary attribute and meaning\cause of life and therefore such compassion as to personify the Christ (or whatever your call it that allowes an imperfect and fool hearty man to make a blith misstake such as I had and to barge in to infinity\heaven, and clumsily take a little tour around and still be allowed to come back and live with that such precious knowledge.
Those who know just what I mean are hard to come by but are growing all the time and we share an intimate bond.
My name is Xian. YT is a cyberpunk thing; Yours Truly. I go by YTXian in here, wherever 'here' is. (cyber space I meen)
In this world there are adults and there are children. In fact the world is filled with children; they are angry and hurt, frightened and abused, lazy and ignorant, stubborn and hateful. The world hates an adult and they would rather cause their peers to fail at any venture of self improvement before having to step up and improve their selves so as to maintain pecking order and evidence of the lowley opinion they have of each other. The best of them enslave the others so that they all consume and destroy all there lives in order to satisfy their immense greed claiming that they are providing a future for their legacy and never question the possibility of doing better in order to leave a real future for the children they will leave behind on this, our Earth. They pretend that it is impossible and when cornered they admit their apathy saying that they won't be around to suffer the out come. They hate the adults for exposing their immense weekness. The total failure that they call success. Mean while the adults strive to minimize their own impact and perpetually work to undo the damage already done. The adults who already know; they are the children of tomorrow.