Please note: As I write this report I am trying to ensure you realize the things I say I “thought” or “concluded” meant at that given moment in that given situation. A lot of what I think or believe I guess you could say is very different now. – I have expanded my consciousness quite a bit since then, have studied way more than I thought I ever would, and am more versed in trip reports and/or vocabulary used to describe common ideas or things.
I was what you could call an amateur in terms of psychedelic drug usage, and had never experienced much more than objects warping, or walls “breathing” basic textures or designs swirling together from usage of Magic Mushrooms and LSD a few times before, I had never even heard of DMT. I had no real idea what a psychedelic break through was or that it was achievable. It was the 4th of July and I had an awesome night for the most part so far, coming down from 3 hits of blotter acid. The visuals were still very ‘there’-
A little on what LSD does for me- acid always has never really ‘done it’ for me, the experience for me is feeling papery like, no real body high that is euphoric. The visuals that I have can be described as nothing more than strobe like visual snow that tends to run along textures or physical ‘edges’ or ‘borders’. Like neon coloring that is there, but does not block my vision. Often by the end of my trip I am annoyed at the strobe-like neon colors and even with my eyes closed I can see them. It has often disappointed me because I hear elaborate stories of true-hallucinatory trips of friends with just one hit of blotter, where they can see entire cities, worlds and universes within the palm of their hand. I was just beginning to realize that trips are subjective to my own personal thoughts, and consciousness, but not to the level that could prepare me for what I was about to experience.
Okay- the visuals from the 3 hits of blotter taken approximately 6-7 hours ago were still very ‘there’ but not overwhelming. I was surprisingly clear headed. My friend informed me he had some “purple sticky salvia” that had been in the back of a drawer he forgot about a while back, and offered me to try some. Me, let’s be honest here people, being a dumbass- accepted. I had no previous experience with the Diviners Sage and was completely unprepared for the ASS-WHOMPING she was going to give me.
My friend loaded a fair amount into a large bong bowl that we could pass between us taking small rips, he went first and blew his hit out “Oh now I remember why I don’t like it” he mutters as he blows out his first small rip. “Why, what? Whats it feel like do you see stuff?” He takes a moment longer to reply than normal which tells me he’s probably a little out there. “I feel strong pressure here” he replies as he points to where I assume the third eye chakra spirals outward just above the bridge of the nose between the eyes, “and it’s like this corner of the room is shifted down, so I feel like I’m sitting on a slant”
I took the bong from him and took a rip similar to the same size as his, nothing at first, then I felt an overwhelmingly certainty that I was being fooled, at first I concluded that I was being fooled by my friend or anyone who was interested in hallucinogens that there was a unanimous joke that salvia really does nothing- that it’s all placebo, so when he asked me “do you feel anything?” That I actually responded, “Duhhhh- nope, it doesn’t do anything, okay this is dumb I feel dumb I know salvia doesn’t really do anything.” In my head I felt I knew that it was a joke and subjective to the placebos effect of whomever smoked it, and that’s what that overwhelming feeling of being duped was.
My friend encouraged me to try a really big rip, two in a row if I could and hold it in. I did, and about right as I was drawing my second LARGE rip I was obliterated- total “ego-death” and loss of all sense of individuality, it’s like the tiny geometric spinning wheel of what each strobe of neon pixel-color from my acid trip was exploded to reveal infinite layers of alternate parallel realities, or entire universes full of additional parallel realities for each individual entity or souls experiences or lives, all folding in on themselves and each other. The feeling of being a popup in a popout book being closed was overwhelming, until I felt like I like I was folding into 2D.
I first concluded that the constant movement and folding in of these realities was almost like a big clock in my face, counting down to 2012, that depending on my choices I make I move between these realities, I just can’t sense that- until now. I had the typical salvia epiphany that reality is an illusion, that I am being duped into living something that doesn’t matter. I felt like I was shown that the truth is far from anything any religion, man, or mind has ever theorized, that it was nothing “good” and everything is just a great disappointment. I was stuck in infinity, observing smaller-than-an-atom thin realities overlapping and merging together as one universal “soul”. I am not me, I am everyone, a drop of consciousness into a sea of inter- infinite universal mind. I am one sub-atomic pixel of a fractal at one given frame, but fractals are infinite? Right?
I felt an uncomfortable feeling like my ability to keep myself in sync with “time” that those in my reality have to allow them to experience, interact with or touch this universe was stripped from me. A salvia-being, which I felt was some sort of Moderator of dimensions if you will- literally had to come and push me back into the right synch with time or perhaps physical reality as well. It was scary beyond words, and nearly traumatized – or maybe it did traumatize me, because it certainly did cause a shift in the route my life was currently headed for sure. A lot of it I cannot remember. It nearly drove me mad, for the next two weeks, I would replay the little I could remember of it over and over in my mind.
The comedown lasted a while (2 hrs) until I managed to sleep, and seemed to enhance or make my acid trip worse, I could really see blocks of this reality zipping back together, but I was always just seeing the last part of it, just before it was made into the physical or tangible, like a ball of stiff rubber; grated twice to create a lot of individual rectangular bits, and but all still held together at the center, if you run your thumb or finger firmly over the bits they would fold out, bending lightly, but then stiffen back to where they originally were, that’s what the reality zipping together was, and on the border or edge, whatever was ‘between’ this reality is the neon color, the strobe- indefinable ever-moving neon-ness of LSD.
I vomited due to disgust and utter horror of what I had seen/experienced. The extreme disappointment of how everyone and everything that I thought was real- wasn’t. No religion came close to what I was experiencing. This is what I thought at the time- later with study have come to realize there ARE others who know- or theorize or understand better what I thought I was experiencing at the time.
When I meditated or ‘zoned out’, letting the visuals of the realities zipping together take over and started to fall back into the trip several times.
Ever since this experience I have had semi-permanent visual snow, or pretty much a very mild acid trip that comes in waves, depending on what I eat or drink or smoke, but can be very vivid for me even when completely sober.
To date this has been my most frightening experience with ANY drug. I have tried numerous combinations of others including acid and DMT at the same time. I feel as though later as I was able to digest and understand what happened or was happening I consider it one of my more insightful and enlightening trips.
This was my first psychedelic break through and/or ego death. Complete loss of any sense of individuality on any level, which was very uncomfortable and undesirable for me at the moment, being completely unprepared for what was going to happen or what could happen. No matter what direction I “observed” I don’t want to say looked; everything was completely foreign, true hallucinations, not warping or swirling of design, I no longer had any body of any sort. I was ‘gone’ for about 2 minutes of time. My friend video recorded me nodding backwards, muttering a few sentences of gibberish, and finally asking as I came to “Take that away from me” in the video recording you can see very distinctly the EXTREME fear in my eyes as a shove the bong away from my immediate personal space.
After the experience for several weeks I had an extreme desire to spend time with my family, loved ones, and those I felt I connected the most with. I despised and hated the almost constant mild visuals of “neon static” or “snow”, certain that they were reminders that my agency- what can create these alternate realities or parallel dimensions with infinite alternative endings is slowly being stripped from us by time, because we are running out of time, and to use the agency I have now to choose wisely that if you wanted this reminder to go away, then interact with the reality you are in- do wholesome activities that will add to the universal mind. If you are not progressing and ever expanding, you are not contributing, and will end up in the parallel alternate reality where the world ends, rather than the one where we finally have world peace and harmony.
Less than a month later I tried Salvia again for my second time, and has since been my last, this time in combination with no other drugs, and an “organic 10x” from a store where I was told that purple sticky contains added chemicals sprayed on to enhance or change salvias true nature, that this organic was pure salvia only, no additives. Upon taking a TINY, hit from it- was SLAMMED immediately fully fledged back into my first tango with this mysterious substance, maybe even more vividly than the first time.
I have never done Salvia since, and the terrible frightening experience I had turned me off from any other drugs all together, I was stubbornly fixed in a state of mind that “Green is all I need” and that I would never experiment again—until I had a friend convince me to try DMT.
For me—Salvia was the worst, and my experiences with DMT have been nothing but positive, the best (so far).