Hi Everyone!

I'm so glad to be here and have the opportunity to hang out amongst fellow travelers. The Nexus is an amazing resource and a community that's unlike any other that I've encountered online...and I don't mean just because of the subject matter. Reading over the posts left here reveals a ray of light that's so refreshing it's almost unbelievable. But here you are!

So about me. I'm a 42 year-old who I'm sure you'd probably think is a remarkably straight guy if you saw me on the street. I'm a writer, a businessperson (whatever the heck that is, but I think you'll get my drift), a father, a husband, a dog lover, a sailor, and an all-around lifetime seeker of The Truth. I'm also a Christian...as long as you read that term with an understanding of what Jesus actually taught and said, rather than what it's been corrupted into. If you understand the absurdity (and Truth) of the phrase I saw on a bumper sticker today -- "Who would Jesus bomb?" -- then you'll also understand where I'm coming from.

I've been familiar with The Spice for about 6 months now after having been introduced to it by a dear friend who was there to guide me through my first experience. It was (as I'm sure you'd all say) literally mind-blowing. And I've been on a new stage of The Journey ever since.

Since then I've probably had about 8-9 experiences, facilitated by learning the tek to extract it myself (I can't imagine another way unless it's gifted). It's been an amazing ride and I feel like I've learned more than I ever expected I would. What's been especially hard has been learning some hard truths about myself: my faults, my compulsions, my darker urges that I understand better now than I ever had before. I've had times of pure ecstasy and times of pure dread but they've all been remarkable learning experiences.

My most recent (about an hour ago) was the one that led to the title of my post. It was probably one of the scariest but also one of the most enlightening.

I used a lightbulb vaporizer (don't groan...I know!) while sitting in my basement, a cave (not "man cave" ...pashaw!) that I feel safe in and one that I know is safe from the warm glow and sparklies ( I'm sure some of you know what I mean) along with the peace that accompanies these open-eye effects when I've Journeyed down there. It's a good place.

Anyhow, tonight I warmed up what seemed to be a "normal" dose (don't ask me how much...I don't have a scale and it's from my own batch. I just know compared to other times it seemed like a level 2 to maybe the edges of 3 amount). I took four somewhat short breaths of the smoke (also not unusual for me and, truth be told, probably on the low side) when all of a sudden I started to feel overcome.

I really was unlike anything I'd experienced prior to this. I'd felt the Dark Side (that's what I call it, anyway) before, but tonight it seemed to come over me in an incredibly intense, fast wave.

Everything started to go dark. Not in a "I'm blacking out" kind of way but rather a -- I know this sounds kind of silly -- "everything's dark inside" kind of way. It's the only way that I could describe it. Darkness seemed to flood in from the edges and to dim everything in a way that reminded me of what would happen if someone were to take a brush dipped in watercolor black and paint it over the world.

I have to admit, I was kind of scared. It was absolutely overwhelming, and not in a good way. I didn't feel depressed or sad or have any "dark" feelings of my own. Instead I felt like I was sitting in the shadow of The Dark and in the presence of Darkness. Not "evil" though-- I sensed no malevolence or immediate threat-- but if you read the descriptions of "yin" and "yang" in this wikipedia article, it was definitively "yang," though with a distinctively biological, "earthy" (for lack of a better term) quality.

The Darkness seemed to flood over me incredibly quickly, flowing like a liquid. I felt my psyche being pulled towards it, tempted to discover what it really was. I really wanted to know, really wanted to give myself to it so that I could know, but I also somehow knew (informed by prior experiences) that to do so would be against my better nature. I've always felt myself to be on the "light" side of things, and this definitely felt counter to who I felt that I was.

Yet I was pulled towards it. I didn't "see" any presences and didn't "hear" any voices, but I felt a presence the same way that you would if someone was standing very closely behind you, even if they weren't touching you. I wasn't scared of It, but I was scared of what It could lead to. The feeling of dissociation, of wanting to leave my body and travel towards it was strong...not overwhelming, but strong. I was glad for the experiences before because I think if this had happened to me a lot earlier, I would have traveled towards It. I felt that I knew better, but I also felt myself slipping away.

I went and sat down on the couch next to my dog and this is what I feel both "saved" me and helped me reach the insight that I did. We'll call him Sarrum (look it up).He's a very large dog (about 150lbs) who is brindle (black with grey and orange-ish stripes) and an amazing companion. He looked at me and I looked at him and I knew all of a sudden that there was some deeper soul connection going on. I felt safe. I felt like I had a guide.

During all this, the blackness crept forward and shut out all the light that I had seen before. The "glow" that I had experienced many times before was gone. Darkness spread like liquid across the floor. When I looked at Sarrum, his coat seemed to be seething, though there seemed to be a kind of crystalline "barrier" between the digital/darkness/movement and his "core."

We looked at each other and I instantly knew that it was going to be OK. I continued to feel a very strong pull, but as I stroked Sarrum and "talked" to him (mentally, not by speaking), I felt more and more OK. The couple of times that I closed my eyes during this I felt the "pull" even stronger, so I concentrated on staying "here" and experiencing the companionship and -- I know this sounds ridiculous now to say-- "guidance" I was being given.

At the peak of the darkness, right when I felt like I wasn't going to resist it anymore, I felt the light from over my shoulder. I'd read before about NDE (near death experiences) and their connection to The Spice (one theory is that it's released in huge amounts at death) and the light that I felt spilling over my shoulder ( and that I could see cutting through the darkness in front of me) seemed very much like those "tunnel of light" experiences that I'd read about. I glanced behind me and while it didn't disappear it also didn't seem to have the focal point that it had when I looked away...I knew I shouldn't look back and that I should just trust in what was happening.

As i concentrated on the light, Sarrum beside me, I literally saw the Darkness start to be washed away by the Light coming from behind me. At first it was very slight -- the Light seemed to be struggling to push it back-- but soon the pace of the Light's incursion increased and soon the Darkness was pushed away. The warm glow and the-- for lack of a better term--"female" or "nurturing" presence of the Light flooded the room. I was OK, and I knew that I'd witnessed something truly remarkable.

One of the most amazing things was that as soon as the Light pushed passed us, Sarrum became happy and started panting with what seemed like great relief. It was like he was finally able to come off "guard" status because he knew I was safe. He seemed happy and excited and -- you dog lovers will understand this-- like he'd done a good job. I knew he had. I was happy, too.

I also knew that he had to go out. I led him upstairs and let him out on the deck so that he could go down to the back yard. The night was crisp -- about 40F-- and incredibly clear. I still felt a "glow" about me and I noticed that the trees in the back yard glowed along with me, too. The night sky -- difficult to see, honestly, because of the city lights-- was cool and black and, somehow, bright. I felt wonderful and took a deep breath -- almost like a yawn-- and smiled broadly at the night. And that's when I heard the one phrase that I can remember from the experience:

"Don't pollute the Root."

I know...silly, huh? But even now, a couple of hours later (I've been writing this on and off, in case you're keeping track of the time I've mentioned) I still feel like it was a remarkably profound phrase, and one that makes sense to me on so many levels.

How? There's obviously the environmental message...but that's nothing too Earth shattering, if you can excuse the pun. To me there was also a message about how to treat my body and the importance and interconnectedness of my body to the universe. One could, of course, make obvious jokes about "the root," and I'm sure that was part of it-- they can be very playful-- but there's also (to me) the idea of the Root as my soul and the importance of not defiling it with Darkness. There's also the more physical and literal meaning behind it, too: not physically polluting my body with chemicals that will do me harm. It was very clear: you (and every other soul) is a miracle and you should respect that miracle.

I went inside after taking a few more breaths of the night air and took Sarrum with me. He was completely back to normal, his usual ebullient-big-lug self. I, however, feel like I was changed in ways that I haven't begun to understand yet. Time to integrate.

When I look back on tonight's experience, I truly feel like something really important happened. The fact that I was effected so intensely by far less than should have hit me this way seems to me to indicate that somehow I was "meant" to experience this. The understanding of the Darkness and the Light is just barely beginning to sink in. There seems to be so much more to learn as I reflect on what happened. I feel blessed.

So that's me. Glad to meet you.

Elrod

Welcome to the Nexus!

The manifestations we observe and experience when vaporizing dmt can be of many different levels and tones. Just try not to get 'attached' or identified to it (for example feeling scared and threatened if you see skulls or coming back thinking you're jesus if you see the light ), rather just try to let go and accept images that come unjudgingly. Later on you'll have plenty of time to reflect on it, if you can make sense of something, if it fits in, if a lesson can be taken from it, so better as it happens just surrender and flow (imo). You seem to be very reasonable and doing a good job, but in any case just to point you out in case you didnt see it, I guess you must have checked the integrations part of the health and safety section in the wiki, right?

I think its good you have found some kind of lesson with the root thing. With vaporized dmt its not always possible to get a specific lesson, though at least personally it always serves in the very least to humble me in front of such an amazing 'ordered' absurdity, always a reminder of the mistery of existence, which eventually can be turned into bigger appreciation for daily existence.

By the way did you take or consider taking dmt orally?

Another thing, no scale + lightbulb vap, ouch I must cringe at that I would be sooo willing to bet you are wasting tons of dmt.. If you can, please please invest in a scale (doesnt have to be milligram, 0.01g is fine), and a torch lighter + vaporgenie ideally, as it will make all the difference in the world I promiss. You'll need 1 hit, not 4, and you will go much further into hyperspace. Or try bong/herb sandwhich , or The Machine, but anyways experiment with different methods to put yours into perspective.

Good luck and see you around!

Thanks for responding! I think that now that I've had some time to integrate, I definitely know that I wasn't in any danger of freaking out from skulls or heading towards the Jesus light. I also realize that it's not like I had some unique transcendent experience, though I do have to say that after several days I still feel like the lesson I learned resonates with me.

Oddly enough, the next day I came down with a nasty stomach flu-thing, but it only lasted the day. I really didn't feel that the experience had anything to do with it, but the thought crossed my mind that maybe what I was being told was that I had been infected (literally) with something. I don't know. But I also don't believe in coincidences!

Thanks for your kind words and advice. I hear you on the scale and the vaporgenie. I had thought I'd have to invest in one of the super-expensive vaporizer machines. I'm glad to hear otherwise. I totally believe that you're right about wasting a lot...it seemed that way to me compared to the first time I tried it.

I haven't considered the oral yet because it seemed from what I was reading that it would take an enormous amount (coupled with an MAOI) in order for it to work. And when you say "orally" do you mean the MHRB and an MAOI together or the extracted Spice?

Anyhow, thanks! I'm glad to be here!

50 mg of extracted spice with a maoi should suffice for an oral journey.

Great intro Elrod. I'll have to look into a brindle pattern sometime and see what happens to me. You really should try the GVG. If you have a friend who has one, I'm sure they's love to let you try it. If you do, you'll be joining the cult of the GVG more quickly and enthusiastically than you'd imagine possible. I can get a full breakthrough with 35mg and mediocre technique. Plus you can barely tell you are inhaling anything. It's like inhaling warm air. It's such a great tool for a comfortable journey, especially when paired with a scale and a torch lighter. You could get all of those things (including the GVG with the cool case) for around $200. Well worth the investment IMO. I felt like my GVG had paid for itself after the first use. But then again, you are a writer, so you're probably poor.

Welcome to the Nexus. There's lots of cool stuff and nice people on here. It's not as internet as most forums. Check out the wiki. It's full of great information. Go into ch@ only if you are brave. Them peoples is crazy!

An excellent post there. Welcome to the Nexus.
Who Would Jesus Bomb? I doubt he would bomb anyone... nice bumper sticker.