After considerations, I choose to drink the orange juice I prepared from 1g lemon juice extracted psylocibe Cubensis.

After 30 minutes, it hit. The first time I have noticable ribbling effects and CEV. The body feeling is interesting..i wander around the house and while I look outside the window, a strong wave hits me and I really notice that I've got NO CLUE what kind of energys I'm dealing with. I get the feeling that I'm doing it wrong, that I'm a child trying to walk for the first time. That I'm totally stupid.

I wander around some more, "lock into" several different moods and thoughts and play around with them. I once wrote that psychedelics are the essence of life. I would now even say that they allow you to pick certain patterns of existence and look at them with magnifying lenses...to play with them.

I get the feeling that I could really use this state but I don't know how to deal with the energy to make "it work". Then, I sit down on the piano. I can't really play...but I try to remmeber a pianbo piece i wrote. It doesn't feel right, so I CLOSE MY EYES and start to hit random notes.

It sounded beautiful! I would ALWAYS hit the right key, with closed eyes. Then, i hit a note and it sounds off...and I realize that I wasn't really in the flow at this moment...I don't lose a breath...I just take it from there....and thats the biggest lesson:

You just have to "take it from there". Whatever happens to you in live. Having a difficult experience means, something goes a way you did not plan it to go. But you don't really _plan_...you UNFOLD. There is no "wrong note" if you continue to play. You only "fail" if you stop playing.

So I played and cried. It was beautiful. Then I locked into the thought of smoking spice.

I went into a very serious headspace. I prepped everything. I did not feel any emotions. I thought this to be goodybe! Adios old me. One look in the mirror and then: A Vapor Genie with 120mg spice in silent darkness. I vaped and knew after the first draw, that this would be the most amount of smoked spice ever...for me....I managed to take 2 really big hits, then I was catapulted into a very intense state...

I would feel my body vibrate and I went through the usual stages of a lower dose experience in hyperspeed. There was lots of pressure beeing put on my body. Then, I lost sense of my body and only felt like I was weighing 10.000 punds, as I I was a part of the place I became aware of. It was a huge pendulum sort of thing and I would look down on it. I felt like I wathced people working on these huuuuge pendulums...and I felt their weight on my soul.

Theres a saying ...the world last on sbd shoulders. It certainly did last on mine. I never thought I would experience a BLACK HOLE sucking me into some sort of Clockwork. It didn'T feel friendly at all and what then happend was very painful....

I slip out of the trance and notice a SHARP, BURNING PAIN!! Then I realize that it'S my face. My face is melting!! Like wax ...and it's hellishly painful...like i imagine purgatory to be. "So thats a difficult DMT experience then?" I think to myself as I can't find a way out of the pain. I turn the light on and I take a look at myself:

crumbled...I'm withering away! Like the fallen branch of a tree with moss growing on it.
The aesthetic quality of felt...i wither awyay...like a fallen branch of a tree in a dwarfs hut...still soaring with pain ..inside this oversaturated, cartoonish version of my room.

But i do not freak out. I'm the observer with a calm mind..."oh that's interesting"... but In reality I'm very disattached and I find that shocking. No emotion towards the negative experience. It just happend.

So I reflect on the day and think, that there were several situations were the experience could have taken a turn for the worse. I always associated nervous breakdowns, crying and self mutilation with negative mushroom experiences...then I realized, that I've already been to quite some of these diffcult states of mind during my youth, so I was somehow prepared.

I realized: I already have a stronger center than I thought. There's already a heavy pendulum inside me, keeping me balanced. I wont falter.

So I smoked some caapi and felt the love again. If just ever so slightly. I lay down again and smoke some more spice. I witness beautiful patterns of silky, smoky, translucent tubes full of gemstones. Then..i hear the door. I jump up and hastily clean the area.

"How was your day" I get asked
"Fine" I answered

But now, I'm not sure if this was the right word to use.

Obliguhl

Wow, what an earth shattering experience, its always through the most difficult journeys and experiences do we grow the most. Your courage is so greatly inspiring, happy growing my friend...


Much Peace and Respect

Obliguhl, thank you for sharing this. I love the lesson from the piano especially. Be well.

Whicked, i can't wait to try mush and spice combo.

Sounds luke you had a very enlightning day, nice, very nice bro.

By the way, who was at the door?

I felt like I was right there through that whole experience

thanks for sharing these realizations!



This is such a beautiful thought. Far too often we humans become acutely agitated or confused in a fog of tense dismay when we fuck up and/or things don't quite 'go as planned'. Your trip really illuminates the value of rolling with the punches and letting go of resistance to experience, to life.


oh hahahh.. i love it when someone oblivious to your tripping asks "so how was your day?"
Good. Great. same old same old'..However i reply it gives me a good chuckle

wow what a read! The piano lessons was great, it teaches, just go with the flow. And dont be bound by the mistakes. I really like how you kept your composure on the intense spice experience and jsut stayed back a observer.

Who was at the door?

I have thought about this for almost a year. This one experience turned out to be a major crisis and a turning point on my relationship with DMT. I realized, that I could not have "pleasant" experiences with DMT no more. The only message I got after this was the awareness of darkness.

In the beginning, my euphoric spice travels connected me with me mystery of my existence. I was allowed to see and feel things i could not have imagined before. I got thrown into timeless dimensions without thought, located in the center of the universe. Then...I tried.

I tried to achieve. And I failed.

I got burnt up. What does it mean? I thought it would have something to do with not listening to the gods, that smoking is not my way. Now i believe that i stopped smoking because of fear. Today i realize, that this is the price to pay and that i misunderstood the gods. Let me quote them:



I thought this had to do with the noisy environment i smoked it. But now i come to realize, that "quietness" might also point towards a certain inner state: Acceptance of the experience. And i never accepted the spice experience. It was so alien, it tore me to pieces with a force i can only describe as the essence of alienation. Alienation from everything known through contact WITH the alien which presented itself in fractal patterns, vibrating through my body. How can you not fear? I was shown by recieving so much love i nearly bursted.

But one shall not be fooled by this love. Fooled into thinking that these dimensions aren't alien, and that it's always easy to get in touch with the mysteries of life. My consciousness stream sort of locked onto this one sentence over the last months:



What is the lesson? WHAT! I was screaming internaly forever.

Now, i think it might have to do with authentic behaviour. In the sense of not willing yourself to experience, but to let the experience form the will. Another quote:



Death, in this context seems more and more to be the experience of coming to terms with oneself as a REAL being. That means: Accepting that there are layers upon layers of culture one must break through in order to...breakthrough. DMT as magnifier of life. So the term "letting go" is now more or less explained as the process of "getting real". Allowing the alien to free you from culture to experience oneness.

I've always thought, psychedelics would kinda automatically do that for you. They don't
They need permission. Your permission.

...and I will strive towards giving this permission: To wade through the pain of my life.

How to say this kindly...because I do mean this with all kind intent.....

I think you are being over dramatic. I think by being over analytical and describing and classifying things as being -such and such-, you are building walls.
I think if you stopped that and left yourself open to all the tools ( but of course with respectful cautiious approach of them,) you might find more benefit from all these gifts nature gives us.
You mention pain in your life. People with pain try very hard to analyze why the pain is happening and often tend to blame the wrong things for the pain. After all, if they knew the reason for the pain, they would be able to resolve it. I don't really think that ( in general) people with emotional pain should touch psychedelics anyway until after they get that resolved.

Well, but if you would not gain any insights, if you would not learn anything from these experiences...what would be the point? Perhaps you are right, i tend to overthink things, but how should one respond to unclear messages if not by trying to interpret them?

I sure have experienced some transformation. The contact with.."the mystery" is one thing that is bound to transform everyone who does not react to it with the feeling of having experienced madness. By using the term "permission" I meant, that you have to be open for change, to allow psychedelics as some sort of catalyst to push you foreward.

But I know nothing, really.
But who does...

Beautiful Obli.
There is no rule IMO to deal with experience Mad Banshee.. As soon as you work out the datas you're into communication.
Plus most poeple here don't want a guru.

All the best !

Amazing, I just found part of the "pendulum machine":

https://www.incedigris.c...8qw0linn3qnjr0t95k8ankd6

I enjoyed reading that for sure! Thanks for the trip!