This was my first psychedelic drug expierience ever, except the occasional ganja.
Having informed myself extensively about iboga since i want to treat addicts with it.
The 1,5g of TA i used was given to me by a good friend that has long expierience with iboga.
Sunday 27 Feb 11
T 930am
+0
Everything was prepared, the babysitter on his way.
I put my intentions in the TA capsules for a quite a while
then 1g of TA with a little applejuice
The babysitter arrived and we talked a little bit. Then very suptly i felt an axiety and negativity. Suptle but getting stronger
+1h
After another hour or so i took another capsule of 0,5g TA
Turned on some psychedelic music and lied down
+1.5h
my computer froze and the music stopped.
i turned it off and lied back down, immediately i felt a presence asking why i am here and what i want at the same time
stating what i want, it asked if im sure and i confirmed
Immediatly after that my heart began to pump a bit faster the anxiety increased and i felt a little energy eng osion followed by a permanent tingling in each and every cell of my body
Thoughts picked up speed in a steady manner
+1.75h
it tells me that i have to get my bowels clean
i go to the toilet having ataxia. The anxiety gets stronger,
while shitting i have dry heaves and the anxiety makes my heart beat faster.
i was only 5 minutes at the toilet but it felt like half an hour
lying down i had to go again and went a few times more until everything was out. Drank a lot of juice and purged more then half of the contentents of the last capsule.
1145am!
lied down in shavasana, ready and empty. Anxiety less intense. The presence is with me all the time. I ask it what it is and it replies that it is nature itself. Immediatly i get absorbed in a dreamlike state simultaniously i expierience another explosion in my cells. Now leaving a stronger presence then before.
Answers to most questions i had since i was a little child get answered with the knowledge being directly transfered. The relationship and interconnectedness of God, this universe leading to this Earth and humans. Why conflict excists, The power of god, intentions. The place of humans in the universe, other universes, my place in all of this.
Glimpses of tornadolike vortexes that power something, i can feel them as if im one with them.
Thoughts are racing and jumping from theme to theme all the time.
Amazing to see that, im extatic because of what was revealed to me.
Go to toilet one more and ataxia is really severe. When i move with my eyes open i see a everything with a studder, edges seem to have a glow to them. The
anxiety turns into full fear and its really intense now but i can expierience it as an object most of the time. Just to see how it is i give in to it, it becomes stronger consuming me, i sense horrors that would shock me and quickly turn back.
Lying down my heart starts pumping like crazy and another increase in cellular energy. The anxiety is exhilarating but i can let go most of the time lying in shavasan.
Although the ride is very intese i can just let it happen.
The fear has lost most of its extensions, i am at the core of it. If i go further i will die.
I realize that there is nothing to fear but fear itself and attempt to go further. An eye shows itself to me and i know that i have to stare at it if i want to go through. Whenever i attempt to do this the fear breaks me out of it since im just to afraid to die. I realize that ego death is the only way for me to get permanently free of fear. At the same time i cant get through the wall of fear which seperates me from dying. I give up, not being ready to die and lie on my side for some while.
I also expierienced very cold feet and hands from time to time but i dont know when that was.
After some minutes i lie back in shavasana and the energy in my cells drops down one level, my heart slows down too.
Next few hours my thoughts jump from one personal issue to another. Relationships with people dear to me, causes for pain, their perspectives, the possible future for myself, the possible future for mankind. All this in a dreamlike state with the knowledge more or less directly downloaded into my consciousness.
After some time, i dont know how long since i lost pretty much sense of it. I relax enough and attempt to go through the eye again. This time i cant even though there is no fear. The window is closed for now and i accept to get some things in my life fixed before i attempt again.
Cellular energy drops down even more.
Thoughts jump from topic to topic for what seems hours in which i drink more and more water to flush myself. Can prime my body for what i want to do in life. I realize how the power behind everything suptly adjusts my brain and body chemistry. I imagine a healing goo like honey all being poured all over my lungs and feel my body in perfect shape.
T+8h
Another energy level down.
emotionally i feel clear and somehow raw. Pain is there, as well as all the other feelings i have. I can feel all of them at once, connected to the nature or god that lives in my heart. The presence of iboga is still intense and there is this absorbtion towards inner space but i decide to go out of bed and eat something
Having some bits of pizza and conversation with my babysitter.
Later we watch a funny movie.
I do some reading until 4 or 5 in the morning and eat some more. Cant stop laughing because of the beauty and vastness of the expierience.
around 4or5am
Lights out attempt to sleep.
Pleasant stroboscopic vibes in front of my eyes and i sense them pulsing in my brain. I let go into it and it gets stronger feeling intensely beautiful pulsating lights.
Somehow fear manifests again as thoughts warning me that this could be serotonin syndrome. I am unsure if my brain might be hurt by it and decide to stop the brainorgasm by opening my eyes. The lights are still there and pulsating faster and stronger but i can will them away which i do.
I play a little bit with the lights. Willing them in and out with closed eyes. Cant get the same strobe like the first spontaneous time and fall asleep.
Sleep well with strong dreams and wake up feeling rested, full of energy and still under the influence. The first thing i spontaneously do is roll out a blanket and start some yoga poses, finish with nadi shodan and light meditation.
banana for breakfast, lungs hurt since i stopped smoking. Quite something this plant, very strong but very gentle at the same time.
blessed be all forms of intelligence