When the seventies were turning into eighties, my soul POPPED into my little body, some where in the freezing cold of the industrial northeast of the US. I grew up with a lot of love, and was happiest playing along side of the creek pretending I was deep in the jungle. I remember at a young age thinking we’d all be a lot happier living like the "Indians" did a few centuries ago. I hated school but loved to learn. I was a very religious kid growing up, but about 12ish became disillusioned with organized religion. I remember thinking the idea of a guy walking around in a pair of sandals, with no worldly possessions, healing people, willing to even die for them sounded like a good idea.... but all the organized religions seemed to have lost touch with that. Seemed to have replaced compassion with tradition; love with rules and regulations; selflessness with materialism. So I through out the baby with the bath water.
I embraced the meaninglessness and insanity of life, and bought into the idea that my brain was nothing but a bunch of neurotransmitters that needed to be manipulated by chemicals. Over the next decade I mixed just about any and every chemical that came my way. THC, ETOH, PCP, LSD, KEtamine, Jimsonweed, Benzodiazapams, MDMA (and all the other bullshit that gets passed off as it), Cocaine, oxycotin, and Herion. To make matters worse during this time I was also, "big surprise" diagnosed as major depressive/anxiety disorder with a side of insomnia. So over a decade I went through "treatment" with a dozen plus pharmaceutical drugs. I won't name them all but most were SSRI's or tryclclic. I won't make this out to be a complete horror story. There were some "fun" times. I am a musician/ artist, sorta embraced the insanity and incorporated it into my art for a while... but it got old... and ugly. A lot of hospital visits, In and out of rehabs and detoxes, crashed cars, lost friendships and a few people that didn't make it. Homeless lost sick. Heroin was a demon that I could not control. I should be dead. I was for a period of time. It was like my spirit was in hell watching all this happen from afar.
But something reached out to me an pulled my back, I can only describe it as love. Love that spilled from something much bigger than me or this universe, a love that passed through the people that were around me. I took a few years and focused on rebuilding my life and relationships, regaining my sanity, and staying away from chemicals and situations that would bring me down. I smoked a little bud, to help fall asleep and quiet my mind, and that was it. No meds, no excessive drinking, and lot of hiking and thinking. Gradually I reconnected with things I loved, family, music, friends, the outdoors, and traveling. I felt like I was gradually dealing with a lot of the underlying issues in my life that I was covering and exacerbating with heavy drug use.
WHere DMT / Ayahuasca comes into all this:
About 4 years ago when DMT came my way, I was very hesitant to partake. I felt I was past this kind of experimentation, and wasn't particularly enthusiastic about the method of ingestion. But I was also extremely curious, and was fortunate enough to be introduced by a knowledgeable and responsible individual who had a similar background to myself. So down the rabbit hole I went.
It felt like my soul was being shot out of a cannon back to where ever I came from before I was born. The initial panic quickly subsided to a feeling off awe. It seem like the world had folded into itself. Strangely this all felt familiar. Words never do the experience justice. Usually the only ones that get uttered upon return are.... shit.... holy shit. I found these experiences to be renewing and give me a greater distance yet at the same time stronger connection with my life. It seemed like the material world melted away to reveal true spiritual existence.
Since those first experiences, I have had spent 6 months in S. America, was able to take part in Ayahuasca ceremonies with a reputable Shaman outside of Iquitos. I also had some experience with San Pedro, Mapacho tee, and a flower bath down there. I am familiar with the use of Changa, anahuasca, and a few other things. The MORE I learn the LESS I realize I know about these plants and there use. I am ONLY interested in the use of ethno botanicals for healing, personal/spiritual growth and enlightenment. I think that these plants show a tremendous potential for helping many people if used respectfully and responsibly. This site has been a great resource over the last few years and I would love to contribute in anyway possible.
"Human beings are also dream beings; Dreaming is what ties all humans together"
Jack Kerouac
Anything posted by this author is purely a work of fiction, with no grounds in reality whatsoever. Mr. Kitty is a tapir who thinks he is a cat, who occasionally controls my computer with his powers of telepathy. "
“Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe.”
Kurt Vonnegut