As far back as I can tell I've been interested in psychedelics and faith. I've dabbled in what may have been LSD (how can I be sure?) and mushrooms somewhat in my early twenties and also have smoked many different grades of cannabis. I quit everything for many years and then in my readings (I read voraciously) I came across Aldous Huxleys's The Doors of Perception. Although I've read before of mescaline and peyote I've never tried them (lack of availability). So, I decided to surf the web about peyote and cross-searched them with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (I'm a member) to see what opinions about incongruencies between the faith and substance use there may be and I found out about ayahuasca. After reading much about ayahuasca, I knew I wanted to experience it. I found many ayahuasca tours available in South America but the cost-factor was an issue for me at the time and still is, somewhat. So, I was talking to a friend about ayahuasca and how I wanted to attempt my own recipe for the brew and he stated he had a recipe for DMT which he has successfully used many times. !!!!!

My master bedroom has a door which opens to my back yard and also a surround-sound stereo system. It was early February 2010, a little chilly, a slight rain was coming down, and I put Vivaldi on the stereo at a low level, just enough to be heard but not overpowering. My friend and I sat on the floor against my bed facing the door which I opened to the back yard. Acting as my guide, he explained how to inhale the spice. Previously, he explained to me what to expect and the length of the journey, and assured me there was no need to panic. So, he proceeded to vaporize the spice in a glass bong and I inhaled a total of three times, holding the third inhalation as long as I could. ... ... .... .... ....

I cannot fully put into words the experience, my feelings, my thoughts; it simply cannot be conveyed except with the experience itself. At first, I felt an acceleration from where I was to some point somewhere??? The sounds of 'reality' fluttered as numberless locust wings; I felt myself gasping for breath and thought maybe I had no more ability to breathe and this was my end...I remember (and still laugh about it!) opening my left eye to my friend and asking him for reassurance of my ability to breathe..."Can I breathe?" He replied "yes" and I shut my eye and continued. I noticed light folding upon light folding upon color folding upon color and then suddenly I was in a spherical room whose walls were made of eyes. I recall during this time I periodically opened my eyes to look into the backyard but quickly shut them as the backyard was kaleidoscopically folding upon itself. Another aspect of this experience which I marvel at is although I felt panic and anxiety (not overwhelmingly) at this new and beautiful chaos I was also anchored into 'reality' by Vivaldi playing in the background. The music was not affected in one way or another; no amplification, no distortion, no change whatsoever as opposed to how cannabis or LSD would affect it. This seemingly lack of change in the music made me feel as if I were in two rooms at the same time???

Over the course of a few minutes the 'beautiful chaos' slowly dissipated and I felt exhausted, a full-body exhaustion which was also clean, similar to what it's like after working hard and getting ready for bed??? It didn't feel dirty or uncomfortable such as a comedown from LSD. I remember laying limp against the bed facing outside looking at the rain, still unable to speak but peaceful, as if I was returning to my body. The backyard slowly settled down, the sounds of 'reality' became aligned with what I was used to perceiving, and the ability to move came to me. I was speechless...what happened???
To be honest, the first time was anxious-how could this new world not be?

As stated before I am interested in faith and fully subscribe to mine; I did not feel any antagonism between my actions and my faith and still do not, but that may be another post...

This experience left me with some questions: Can DMT be applied to depression? How is DMT illegal or considered dangerous? What is the difference between the DMT and Ayahuasca experience besides the length of the journey and method of ingestion?

Welcome to the nexus!

I think psychedelics can be applied to depression, but I'm not sure under which conditions they will work and under which they won't. I've had personal success in using them against depression (though it was psilocybin not dmt), but I think the success depends on a lot of things other than the substance itself. Generally I would think that a longer experience is really necessary to make the changes necessary to move the mind out of its cycles of depression, so I would think oral dmt would work better.

I've not tried Ayahuasca, but I have tried Pharmahuasca (the extracts taken together) and in my experience there is a difference which is brought on by the interaction of the harmalas. Harmala alkaloids have their own feel and alteration of consciousness (also mildly anti-depressant), they sedate and facilitate an entry into a more dreamy kind of state, which changes the way the dmt-trip envelops you.
Ayahuasca itself often only uses small amounts of dmt containing plant material while being quite high on caapi-content. There are even Ayahuasca brews without any dmt, only with caapi.
I liked pharmahausca a lot, despite the initial nausea, so if you have the chance, do try it. I find it a more wholesome experience.

cheers & love
Enoon

Enoon, thanks for the reply.

I've had subsequent experiences with DMT since the aforementioned post. In reference to depression in which I'm well acquainted, DMT has helped me put thoughts, anxieties, etc. into perspective. My wife uses prescribed anti-depressants with positive results but she has to use daily. They work for her but... In my experience I don't need to use DMT daily, weekly, or monthly. DMT helps me logically reason with my depression...does this make sense? I'm a nurse by trade and as I get older and more experienced as a nurse I feel more strongly about natural treatments than medicines. When I state "treating depression", I feel a little hesitant to use pharmacy-grade antidepressants and would rather treat myself. I understand this statement may seem contradictory...

I made changa with the tek found on this nexus with great results using caapi leaves and in my experience it was much more gentle and less taxing on the lungs than straight DMT. I still went as far as I did with the DMT but it was slower (?) and lasted a little longer. Also, after my first time, the DMT experience has opened up immensely for me. I guess that comes with repeated experiences and kind of knowing what to expect; the 'beautiful chaos' has become just 'beautiful'. I always leave the experience with tears and comfort, and always astounded. It truly is a beautiful experience. I am interested in bufotenine and am wondering about the tek in the wiki-nexus. Have you had any experience with such and what do you think?

I can understand the idea of reasoning with depression well. I feel the same way. I've had psilocybin mushrooms help me launch myself out of depressions by giving me access to other modes of thinking, thereby seeing the things that were oppressive as something different and breaking the cycle. In my case the depressions were a result of faulty thinking which lead to chemical imbalance. Psychedelics helped change both, while maybe your typical pharmaceuticals mainly address the chemical aspect? It's really hard to say because these things are so intertwined...


What smoking device do you use? I've never felt spice to be taxing on the lungs. I feel nothing at all - using a GVG. I've only tried changa once and was a bit confused as to how to dose it correctly. But you might also be interested in dosing harmalas orally prior to a dmt session. It intensifies and prolongs the experience as well.

I have not tried bufo and know next to nothing about it. I suppose some day I will look into it, but for now I am content with spice and mushrooms.

cheers & love
Enoon

Hey enoon, I totally understand. I was born and raised a christian man, and the urge iv had my whole life has been to expand the mind and see other than what the church want me to see. I also, in my own research, I came to the realization, but in the king james version of the bible, it does say that taking anything to alter your body or soul is a sin, and you can say "well god put them there. why cant we use them?" well, if you look further, what other plant did god create? the tree of knowledge, (forbiden fruit). But if thats the case, than me taking acid or smoking dmt is no different than your preacher taking an aspirin because his head hurts... fact of the matter is, we are all sinners no matter what religion were from, and if you have faith than thats all you need... I have faith, but I can no longer go to church. I feel when there that all I get is bad stares and wierd looks because everyone seems to just know that I take drugs.. but, all of them take drugs to help them sleep, and do deal with pain, as long as they can buy it over an american counter than its not a problem.. well they are wrong, in there own religion..

Welcome and hello. That "beautiful chaos" really was something, wasn't it? I call it the "Terrifying Beauty" myself, but we're talking about the same exact thing. So beautiful it petrified me.. I guess you just have to let go. Anyways, about the how it DMT applies to depression, I've got answer that comes from my own beautiful experience with it. My first encounter was a complete and divine Spiritual Breakthrough, you can read if you want, it might help you somehow. Anyways, for such a long time I was stuck in the pit of self-hatred and everything that accompanies it; depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc. That all changed when I met the what I met. You've got to be there to understand, and really I hope you do, it will help you so much with so many things. Well, its all gone now, the self-hatred I mean. I've been cured and my zeal and love for existence is something I could never have imagined it would ever be. Btw, I used "The Machine", to say the least it was very effective with minimal irritation..

@ PsychAJelic, Enoone:

The GVG-glass vapor genie? I've looked at those and want one but wanted to see one 'in action' first. Can you tell a difference with traveling using a GVG vs a glass bong? I've had different results with the glass bong but I attribute that to my technique (over-heating spice, inhalation, etc.).

@ Lodi:

My rationale/justification/whatever you want to call it for using entheogens is similar to what you stated. Not to sound paranoid, but antidepressants are psychotropic drugs and there are many documented ill side-effects. Are entheogens (when properly used, not abused) any different? Who is to say one is worse than the other based on legality? True, street drugs are difficult because you never know what you get; however, when making DMT, Ayahuasca, growing mushrooms, cannabis, etc. for personal use it does not feel 'sinful'. However, I do think all conciousness is explorable and if one stays in one conciousness they are missing out and that in itself may be detrimental to our physical, mental and spiritual health. I am in no way suggesting the moral or immoral nature of entheogenic usage but my own perspective. It is difficult being Christian and choosing to partake. I think it is a cultural more than a doctrinal stigma. Being from the U.S., we have been established for around 300 years or so? We stem from a Puritan background for the most part and although three centures seem a long time, we are a baby nation still relative to the rest of the world. We as a culture still carry Puritanical notions; at least that is my perspective.

@ Enoone:

I was thinking of growing mushrooms. Hypothetically, of course. Have you any experience growing and what are your thoughts?

"I've only tried changa once and was a bit confused as to how to dose it correctly." -Enoon

I use an A/B extraction from MHRB and then infused the DMT into Caapi leaves using a 1g Spice:1g leaf ratio with Everclear being the solvent for the crystals. After the changa was dry I then was able to roll it as any homemade cigarette. It took maybe a third of a cigarette for me to be travelling but I don't know if body weight, mood, etc. factored into the effectiveness of the changa. I assume using a bong or pipe would work just as well; in fact, I think a bong might be better for volume of changa ingested, etc. Just thinking...

Also to remind you, changa has a more gentle lift-off compared to DMT. I like both but since I have children I prefer to have leaf around as opposed to crystals. "...You've got to hide if from the kids coo-coo kah choo..."-Simon and Garfunkel

I think also one may be able to use a gvg with changa if so inclined.

yeah I was using a GVG at the time with my changa. I suppose the slowness of it kind of confused me. I probably could have gotten further in but I ended up just enjoying the mellow tryptamine feeling.

The GVG is really wonderful. There is no harshness in the lungs at all, you can't really burn your spice, it turns to smooth vapor and if you do it right WHAM you're in hyperspace after 1 (ONE!) hit. So IMO it's well worth the money. GVG+torch lighter are the way to go.

concerning mushrooms - DO IT! it's a fantastic hobby from a lot of aspects. I mean they are living organisms that you are entering into a relationship with, their life-cycle is interesting, the whole process is quite fun and intriguing, and the results are psychedelic... what more could you want?

Enoon:

I'm sorry. After I posted the question about the gvg I found a plethora of posts regarding the gvg. There is so much on this site I feel like I'm rehashing old stuff. Please be patient with me! I'm definitely buying one with the tax return.

I was reading this tek regarding mushroom cultivation and really want to try it. I'm into vegetable gardening (legitimate veggies!) and my wife and I have before and will can crops again so I have a pressure cooker already, although we need to get a new one. I was reading about sterilizing bird seed as the substrate, inoculating the substrate with my choice of spores, and making a casing with vermiculite. I hope to be successful, although some friends state it is extremely difficult to do so due to possible spore contamination.

I agree completely with you regarding the mushroom experience (beyond the trip, that is). When I used to pick mushrooms almost twenty years ago, the whole ritual of getting up before dawn, walking acres of cow fields, the joy of finding what I wanted, the peacefulness of the morning was almost as good if not better than taking the mushrooms itself.