Welcome to the forums, I hope you find what it is that you are seeking. I can relate to many parts of your post; SWIM is also a semi-dependent JWH-user who is seeking healthier activities to replace his habit. Spice can definitely affect your sense of well-being and your outlook on life; if you haven't noticed the warnings yet it can cause suffering if you aren't careful. But when equipped with sufficient information, your frontal lobe can figure out how to maximize benefit gained from these substances while minimizing the harm. Your brain is actually really good at information-based optimization, provided that it's operating on realistic information.
I hope The Nexus can help you find what you need to turn that diffidence into confidence (although maybe I'm being presumptuous). Don't be afraid to express yourself and say what's on your mind. Maybe someone around the world can relate to what you're doing. Plus, you can't fix what you don't know is broken.
Every tool is dangerous when misused. That is no reason not to use tools.
Isn't it strange that a gift can be an enemy?