Drinking ayahuasca without admixtures was something I'd been meaning to do for quite some time... in fact, I haven't had as much experience with it generally as I would like. I wanted to start a longer campaign of getting to know ayahuasca, and to start with just caapi. So I brewed 60g of red caapi using THP, and last night I drank.
Overall, it was great!! I can't quite stress enough how pleasant overall the experience was... my only experiences with psychedelics had been DMT/changa, ayahaoma (with DMT), and weed. I was a little worried because DMT and weed have been so stressful for me the last few times I've smoked them. I was almost coming to caapi for some relaxation, some release from the questions that DMT raised and the hint of trauma I was left with recently. But caapi was amazingly gentle.
It all started quickly, after ten minutes my hearing changed. I got very cold and started shivering, and my heartbeat increased. There was a pulsating noise, like a great fan that was increasing in volume and speed... at this point I took my clothes off and crawled into bed, staring at the ceiling. The tapestries on my ceiling began dancing in the darkness as the fan beat increased, and I noticed the light fluctuating weirdly.
It would dance, then become totally dark and light again... I began to get nauseous, but not too much so. I was still shaking, shivering in time with that pulse-beat. Wherever my eyes came to rest in the darkness a scene would spring up before me, a peaceful and quiet tableau like the inside of a naturally-lit cave. While this was happening, I could visualize in new ways myself and the way my mind worked. If I closed my eyes new vistas would become apparent and I could talk to... her. I could see her. She looked so different than I had ever imagined, dark-skinned and voluptuous. When I opened my eyes there were ghostly patterns weaving across my vision, in the depth between me and my surroundings. I could hear voices talking around me, sometimes a man's voice would start speaking and get clearer and louder like an old radio broadcast.
Then I felt the purge begin to assert itself... in my bowels. I got up and found that I was shaking uncontrollably, and that the room was pitching and reeling around me. Remembering our minxx's wise words ("Take your puke bucket with you, even to the bathroom" ), I grabbed the bucket and stumbled wildly down the short hall... in short, thank you so much, ms_manic_minxx!! Your advice is the Nexian ayahuasqero's greatest boon. While I was there, I remember hearing the words of the tree outside my window... and I cried, cried for the first time in a long time, cried for the plight of trees.
After that, I stumbled back to bed, and after a little while I think perhaps I fell asleep? I'm not sure, only knowing that I suddenly sat up at the four-hour mark, feeling warm (physically and emotionally). I went into the bathroom to clean a little (thank god only a little was needed) and relished the few effects that were still there.
Overall, it was wonderful. Just the general feeling of serenity that came with the whole experience, the lessons learned therein. It was almost like being tended through a cold by one's mother. Not stressful at all, very relaxing... quite a soothing experience, beautiful!! I love you guys, and am so happy that I eventually came to an experience like this.
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