I will try to explain the best I can.

The world and all of existence was destroyed. It exploded and shot upwards into nothing, in rays and blobs of red, yellow, blue, and white light, into the blackness of the universe. These rays swirled around and around for what seemed like forever. I could hear an overwhelmingly large amount of voices. I could feel NOTHING. Literally nothing, totally out of body, hallucinating completely. These voices kept repeating themselves, these colors swirled the same way repeatedly, and existence was stuck in a loop, and kept realizing what was happening, that it was inevitable, that there was nothing to be done, then again realizing what was happening, that it was inevitable, that there was nothing to be done, then it slowly started growing. This spinning and swirling started gaining more, little by little. I lost complete sense of self, but slowly started regaining slight awareness. I was terrified, and it lasted an eternity. I started to give in, and realize that this will never end, and that it was all over. Then I realized what was happining, and thought "maybe I can do something", and then I realized that it was inevitable, that there was nothing I could do, and it started over again, and it went on like this, as I gained a tiny bit more little by little. I realized that this IS life. It's infinity. That there's a question that you could ask a mathematical computer, and it would be stuck in a loop. That it was all inevitable, then I started thinking "Well if it's infinite, it can't end. Couldn't it just start over?". The whole time, from the beginning of this loop, I heard a voice yelling my wifes name. Then I started to focus on this voice when it returned to the loop, and I thought "What is WIFES NAME?", and I had no idea. And then I thought "Is WIFES NAME life?" and it all stopped.

There was blackness, and I could hear her voice. She was trying to comfort me, and I could hear myself talking to her. Then I could feel relief, an emotion that wasn't "unending terror". And this loop was still going on to an extent, and I was trying very hard to explain to her what was happening. I started to regain feeling, I could feel my hands again, I couldn't taste anything, my mouth was entirely numb, and my body was still tingling and not quite all the way back yet, it was indescribable. I was still hallucinating and stuck in little loops. The room hadn't come to me yet, in fact, I was in an entirely different room of the house with her. I realized that life and existence was nothing but infinity, sparked by two forces reaching for eachother in the swirl of nothing and everything. I could feel her again, and I was hugging her. I fell in love with her again, experienced all the excitement and fear, butterflies in my stomach, I kept feeling like I was falling, and she would catch me. I knew that I was going to come back and be normal again, and that this feeling wouldn't last forever. I realized that I would convince myself that it was nothing and that I was just fucked up, and I would return to my life. And I talked to her and kept touching her and regaining more feeling and I kept kissing her. I started to remember things about my life, who I was, where we were, what had happened. It was all very beautiful. Existence is love. Two forces in the universe longing for eachother, and when they finally found eachother, everything came to be. There will be an end, just as there was a beginning, and everyone and everything including existence, are the children of these two forces in a sense. An inevitability that can never be any other way. Her and I were these two forces, very self centered, but it's what I felt. I've thought about it and I'll try to explain what I've gained from this.

The life and existence of everyone and everything can not exist by itself alone. That before time even started, everything and nothing was there. Everything and nothing reached for something, in my case, someone else. And once it was all paired, existence pairing with love, time pairing with the universe, it all came to be.

Well the room was pretty fucked. Somehow, I knocked over the TV, I spilled our drinks into a bag of vending machine cookies, I broke BBQ sauce and ketchup packets on our floor, I knocked over the dresser, she has these laundry bags hooked up to a metal frame which I knocked over and bent. Clothes were everywhere, covered in soda and cookie goo. I have cuts and scrapes everywhere, a HUGE knot on my head, and worse of all, she has a couple scrapes and bruises. I was laying on the ground convulsing, I kept prying at my jaw and pulling on it very hard for some reason, I was laying on the floor and banging my head into shit, and she was trying to calmly stop me the whole time, and I scared the SHIT out of her.

I'm an idiot, this was our first time. My first hit was 30mg. The tv was on, and I asked my wife if she could turn it off. I closed my eyes and I could see very dull swirling colors. I opened them and her face was blotchy energy and light. My body was ringing and vibrating and buzzing. It lasted for a few minutes, but I started getting scared and sat beside her and hugged her. I was panicked for a tiny bit but controlled it a bit and started slowly coming back. Then it was her turn. I loaded 30mg, and she took a very small hit, leaving an estimated 10-15mg of oil in the pipe still. She was laughing and very happy about it and giggling a bunch. She came back quickly, didn't hallucinate in the least. So I was like "Dang.....well, do you want a whole dose? It'll be way different and stronger though, don't be scared" and I said "don't be scared" about 3 times, but she wasn't scared at all, truthfully, I was. She said "sure" I weighed it out and loaded up. So there was probably 70mg in the pipe, and I told her "Just take as big of a hit as you can", and she did. It was a very small hit and hardly any smoke came out when she exhaled. She passed it to me and said "hit it" and I was like "are you sure you're ok I should......." and I just hit it like an idiot. I got a huge hit. That's really all I know. There was still oil in the pipe, but the smoke was just so thick. She started hallucinating and my bearded face became a bright blue lion and she was laughing and then I blasted off and left my body and killed it for her entirely, THANKFULLY she came back.

I should have thought "I'm pretty scared about this, maybe I should wait for a better time", but in all honesty, I would have always been scared. I'm not so sure I'll ever do it again. Existence ending and being reborn, falling in love all over with the woman I love, being reborn, wow. Just wow. I'm not sure if I'll ever want to do it again, I got a whole lot out of it. And I mean I trashed the room and may have broken the tv and vcr, I don't know yet. I HURT my wife. I didn't punch her or anything, but I made her fall a few times and she has cuts and bruises. I could have hurt myself much more than I did. Just think about this I guess, before you do a stupidly large hit when you're not in the right frame of mind. I truly thought that it was all over, all of this was real to me, completely. I wasn't looking for insight when I dove into this, I was looking to hallucinate. Nothing else has ever made me see anything, just trails and waves if I was lucky. I could put on a pair of novelty glasses to get that. This was incredible and it took me completely. I had no choice, and my ego made it pretty fucked up. I didn't want to go, I was scared, and I may have had a seizure. My mouth was completely dry when I came to, maybe I would have started foaming. Maybe the colors and everything moving was too much. I've never had a seizure and I'm not epileptic, but maybe it was just so intense that it made me? I really don't know. Just don't be stupid like me.

Seriously though, it was really beautiful. I hope I didn't break anything.

yes, i've learned it's nothing to casually f#$k with... and then i relearn it again but it's even more intense. It seems to get crazier as you go? Entity contact next time? the core of the universe? I havn't words of further explanation for my friends who tell me the like of: "you just have a romanticized notion about this, your exagerating, etc..."

It was just so unexpected I can't even begin. I've never experienced anything like that, I didn't think it was possible for me personally to do so. I just didn't think it was possible. I'm an atheist, and I don't believe in aliens either. Well, I DO believe in aliens, but I'm not sure that there is anything out there like us. Maybe giant intelligent evolved bacteria that are just blobs, maybe some kind of being of absolute efficiency that isn't in need of a body, I have no idea. But little green men and the like, I don't believe in. I also don't understand why some alien race would hide the secret to everything in a molecule that is found in living things. I am not exactly sure why that happened, or what lead my mind to think these things. I didn't think "I'm going to sit here and think about life", nothing like that at all. I just wanted to see things, hallucinate a bit, that's all.

It was SO real, so fucking real. Scarily so. I felt as if something happened in my mind that created an unending looping algorithm with the universe. I felt like existence was kind of a computer, and that I asked it a question that it had to answer, and that the only way it could answer was by destroying itself and coming back into existence. More and more is coming to me, this just happened less than 12 hours ago. I felt like somehow spice is a key and my mind was the door to the end of existence. It just happened over and over and over so fast and I was convinced that it would never end. That everything would just swirl forever like this and never be. I gave up, then tried to fight it, then gave up, then tried to fight it. It was like the collective unconscious of everything in existence was trying to figure out what was happening and we were all experiencing and discovering it together, and I was just reaching for my wife and when I found her it all stopped and came to be. I was reborn from nothing, I truly had no idea about "me", there was no me, it was all us, all of us. More and more I became aware of my self, it took a while. It seemed like it lasted forever, and then when it was all over, it seemed like it lasted for an instant, I can't explain it.

In reality, it lasted a WHOPPING 40 fucking minutes. My wife was considering calling an ambulance. I was on the floor freaking out for most of the trip. All I remember is exhaling, then everything went up up up, then I remembered standing on the bed, everything happened, then I came back in her arms sitting on the bed. But in reality, after I exhaled, I sat there talking for about 10 minutes and I don't remember talking one damn bit, then started dry heaving and she thought I was going to throw up then I writhed around on the ground banging my head into things and I knocked the TV off the stand and it fell on me, and I crawled around a bit half assed scattering everything everywhere, then I was trying to "pry my jaw off with both hands" according to my wife, then I stopped and sat there in a total daze for 15 minutes and she was trying to talk to me but I wasn't responding. Then I stood up on the bed and said "I'm not coming back", and fell on my ass, and she hugged me and that's when I started coming back. I remembered who she was but not how she looked or who we were or anything, I could hear her voice and the emotions she gave me were coming back and that's ALL I could feel, just love. I could hear her and feel love, nothing else. Eventually I saw her face and could start feeling her. Then I was just rubbing her and kissing her and wow. I was just so happy that I found her. We were both coming back into existence and I was scared that it was just going to go back to nothing but I kept convincing myself that it couldn't until it went completely forward. That it couldn't begin again until I lived my life and died, that this wasn't the end. Then I thought that we were affinity, and that if we created the world than what about all the murder and violence and horrible things that happen in the world? That we created them? And I remember telling her "I hope we never have to experience all the horrible things in life", I'm not sure if I REALLY did tell her that, I'll ask her later.

But I remember that I thought "this is all just a computer that was asked the question and I'm not real and none of this is", and I started thinking about the people researching this computer loop and taking special interest in the beginning and ending of it all specifically and the various ways the computer tried to rationalize with itself of its own existence. Then I thought, "what people? on what planet? this is all just the result of a question than who asked this question and what are they, what is the REAL existence?" then I realized that THIS WAS the real existence. That there was no computer, there were no people doing research, that this just IS. I felt as if it never would have been without her as well, that we were two forces from the beginning when all was nothing that found eachother and that it would all happen again forever.

Now that I'm back and thinking and not being absolutely self absorbed, maybe I was thinking of me because this is my existence. Maybe we're all part of it, everyone and everything, and I guess just what in the first post comes to play. We were all paired with someone from the beginning, maybe for some of us it's something instead. Whatever makes you whole is the secret to "why" we exist, that's "god", I've always thought that. Some cultures worshiped statues and such, not just imaginary deities. Thomas Edison lived to invent, he was paired with that? I don't know. This isn't making much sense and I sound like a total hippy. No offense to any hippies, but I'm not one of the fam in any way. I don't believe in spirits or anything.....but this, wow. I just have to process this I guess.

I know how that kinda stuff goes. Once Swim was convinced that his leg was a log and i kept pounding it into the floor. I had no idea why i was doing this. It just felt good. I respect the spice and everything which follows.

I want to invite people to the experience, but my biggest fear is they won't get off the first time and then will refuse to try again, leaving me in a frustrated state knowing they didn't get it. I don't talk about it to anyone anymore offline. It's like talking about a ufo abduction or seeing a chupacabra, neither of which i have experienced but now post-spice would be more than willing to consider. Anything and everything is real and possible to me now.

I have especially been re-considering biblical stories i had always assumed were just fairytales. One thing that always struck me what how the fuck could a snake offer an apple, or how could a woman be "made from the ribs" of a man? How could the ocean part? Well, if matter is condensed energy, but in previous ages due to a greater abundance of 'free energy' (ie lets say like the parts of a hallucination that are sparkling energy masses, but not solid forms that communicate like beings), our material forms would have been made of a lesser-condensed energy, then wouldn't that make us/the world more like a vision, ie. real and alive, images composed of light? And then wouldn't everything in this world made of material of less-condensed energy be more flexible and fluid in it's workings so that one person could become two, or 1000's completely different animal species could be conceivable without the need for a Darwin explanation, the ocean -could- part if enough people were desperately standing before it and praying for their lives for it to part? And then wouldn't this theory go at least some way in explaning an observer-based quantum universe since a vision does not exist unless someone is looking at it?

I would like to see the unification of science and religion dammit, i have always been agnostic in every way... now i believe --->maybe<--- that taken within the context of a multiverse, or a quantum universe with very few collapsed wavefunctions, then the stories might not only make perfect logical sense but they might also hold clues to where else we can look for divine inspiration. Actually, do native indians and tribal ayahuasca people have their own written version of prehistory? IE their own bible? I would like to read that and scan it for evidence of different physical laws that might conform with quantum discoveries.

You see!!? You should never talk about this stuff out loud, or you end up sounding 1/2 crazy

hahahahahahaha Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

most people are just as crazy..they just dont know it yet

it is VERY important to ritualize sessions like these. thats why i think smoked dmt is only for the people who really know what it is. you should have experienced ayahuasca in my opinion before smoking any of it at all. ayahuasca kind of forces you to ritualize it. it forces you to lie down and go deeply into yourself.

Disagree with that lorax. You dont have to have taken aya to smoke it, for swim it was exactly what he was looking for at then time, after researching aya and trying to get that to work I got chatting to someone on the aya forums and they had some dmt, I wasnt sure what to expect but at the time ater researching aya for so long I think I needed that smoked experience, a short sharp shock and thats what I got. And does anyone really know what it is ?