I have been a long time lurker at the DMT-nexus, but decided to create an account to be able to participate in some of the discussions that go on here. First, allow me to tell you a little bit about myself.
I was introduced to psychedelics a little over a year ago, having 2 LSD, 2 mushroom, several catci and mescaline, and ~50 smoked DMT experiences. I have also taken oral DMT with rue and have had many experiences with harmalas alone.
My first experience was with LSD. I literally came out of this experience as a different person, at the time thinking that it was the single greatest change I had ever had in my life. after that, I became very disinterested in any type of formal education/school. I just didn't want to listen to anyone and I thought I had all the answers because I had taken LSD once
.
Anyway, soon after that initial LSD experience a friend mentioned this stuff called DMT. I didn't know what it was at first but slowly became more and more interested in this beautiful compound after reading trip reports and later the book The Spirit Molecule. I couldn't find real LSD anywhere or any other psycheledic so I decided to take the plunge and do an extraction. after a few failed attempts at going to hyperspace, I finally had a true breakthrough.
It was so incredible and astonishing but I had a great deal of trouble trying to integrate the expereince and as a result it contributed toward my huge ego instead of diminishing it. (still having some trouble integrating but I'm getting better at it) This has been my single largest hurdle with DMT so far--integration.
Several months later I was still the same way but even worse because now my foolishness had become a habit. I had lost sight of who I am who I was and who I will become. I was OK with being a bump on a log skating through life.
Then I had a breakthrough like I had never experienced before, not a breakthrough of intricate patterns and colors, but of truth. I became filled with shame and regret that I had wasted so much time destroying myself and relationships in my life. It was time to stop. It was time to take control of my life. This was the breakthrough. Even with this breakthrough I still had one problem--integration.
I
knew what I needed to do but I chose to be ignorant to the wisdom that could do nothing but help me. I felt intimidated by the world and chose to run from this fear instead of facing it. I just wanted temporary solutions to permanent problems, which never works out in the end.
I have come a long way since then, I do slip up sometimes more than others but at least now I'm not running. Nowadays I rarely indulge in DMT or cacti because it has become more important to me to focus on having fewer but more meaningful experiences instead of tripping because I just feel like it or because I'm bored. I just needed some guidance to help me figure out just exactly who I am because my life had become so cluttered. And I did recieve that guidance.
Anyway I look forward to hopefully becoming a valuable member of the DMT-Nexus.
All post are made by SWIM. I am not SWIM.