Greetings Nexus, before getting to the question I first want to offer a little background so you can better understand the question and where I'm coming from.

I have in the past abused substances. Ive used them as a sort of crutch to try and skate through situations and I didn't truly understand or care to understand the long-term consequences of not facing my problems directly. I think that I have an idea of the healing potential that ayahuasca has although I have never actually done it.

I have only experienced pharmahuasca with rue (besides smoked experiences) but in that experience I realized that it isn't just something that you just do without a reason. After that experience I made a concious decision to make it a priority in my life to become a better person. I made the decision to stop tripping until I am at a point in my life where I need guidance. I thought this would be months or even years down the line, but I feel like I have lost sight of the direction I was headed. I feel like somebody that was navigating through the woods with a GPS, but my GPS slowly ran out of power and is now almost dead.

I really want to rejuvinate this spark and as a result help myself but one of the most important things I have learned so far is that I need to stop coming up with temporary solutions to permanent problems and instead come up with permanent solutions. I truly feel like I could benefit from an Ayahuasca experience but it has been so soon since that pharma experience I don't want this to become something that I turn to unless I actually need it. I don't want Ayahuasca to become another substance to keep me from facing my problems.

Question part
I feel like I might be ready for Ayahuasca and I feel like I would be approaching it on my hands and knees but I feel like it may be too soon. I would like to hear you guy's and girl's opinions on where I stand on readiness for Ayahuasca. How do you guy's/girl's keep it from becoming a band-aid?

P.S. (Update!) Since that last pharma experience (I think it's been a little over a month) I have SEVERELY cut down my overall drug use and broken my addiction to marijuana. I have been a cleaner person and am eating healthier. admitedly I do still smoke a bowl of ganja periodically (maybe 1 or 2 a week) but I enjoy it a lot more when I'm not doing it 24/7.

Hi there!

Lots of studies done on the UDV with long-term drinkers actually shows a decrease in drug/alcohol abuse.

The nature of Ayahuasca is extremely self-regulating. I find there is an uncanny element of conscious instruction: if there is anything in your life you have either been abusing or neglecting, Ayahuasca can stick it right in your face. I have found, through my experiences, a) confrontation of unsustainable living practices, be they physical/emotional/spiritual becomes unavoidable, things that are wrong can no longer be ignored; and b) finding creative and inspired solutions, coupled with a less-depressed brain chemistry to aid in mustering the gusto to make bold and positive changes you may have found too difficult or intimidating on your own.

Ayahuasca, I don't think, can ever lend itself to being a band-aid.

Ayahuasca, however, is also not the cure: used appropriately, it is an amazing teacher who teaches you, first, how to heal yourself, and then how to live so you no longer inflict damage upon yourself.

Much love and peace.

Couldn't have put it better.

I noticed amazing changes in my life after my first caapi heavy brew. I'm now going to be drinking once a month, going up to 2 times a month in the future. I know this stuff can really take me places.

I think I get what you're saying, and I think I may be ready to experience the healing Ayahuasca has to offer. It makes sense that the experience itself could stop me from using it too often.

At the very least I can walk away from it with some much needed guidance.

BTW I like the dark crystal Avatar

One thing Aya seems to do is reestablish pathways of more direct communication with the self, so you are more in tune with your feelings, and not mental projections of anything picked up externally. It's a heart-centered dialogue, so everything is rooted and made possible with love. The natural impulse is to act out of love, even when dealing with yourself. Naturally, no harm is to follow...

Sometimes Mama Aya also makes me feel like "just a Gelfling."

Me: How am *I* supposed to do that? How is *little old me* supposed to save the world?!
Ayahuasca: "SAVE IT!! SAVE IT NOW!!"
Me: Agggghhh... RRRRRBLLLEEEAAAUUUUGHHHH.... HWWWRRAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH.... I don't... under... BULALALAHRRRHGGHHHHFFFFPP... ACK...
A: "SAVE. IT. NOW!!!"

^lol

yeah it seems like those pathways get clouded with emotions and then I act on those emotions, which usually turns out bad, then I am even more clouded. It's really very viscous cycle.

I think what I might do is prepare some when I can afford it and have it ready so that really just narrows it down to me finding the right time to take the plunge. I want to have a clear conciounce when I do it.

Remember to come back and share after you've gone through with it. No one can ever be completely prepared, but work with the medicine from a place of truly wanting to change for the betterment of yourself is one of the best and most productive places to be for this kind of healing...

I will certainly report back. It may be a week or two. thanks.