When I used to hear people talk about DMT trips as "impossible" or "alien" I always thought they were putting it on a bit - exaggerating just a normal psychedelic experience. Well, let me tell you, my belief on that has been entirely reversed.
I always wanted to do DMT, but even as a long time psychedelic user, I found it extremely hard to find. Extraction was out of the question, because lets just say my roommate is completely anti-drugs, anti-fun, anti-conscious exploration, yada yada, the conservative military type. About three weeks ago I got a call from a friend who said that finally, she had managed to acquire a couple grams of DMT. Immediately I became excited, we called up a few friends and arranged a meet up at her house the next day.
I was the only one there who hadn't done DMT before, so they said that I could do it first because they'd all been to "hyperspace" before. I had no idea how to take the stuff, I just know it can't be done orally unless you have an MAOI or something like that (what the hell is an MAOI???).. So they loaded what looked like a decent amount (turned out to be like 40mg) into this small glass bubbler, and told me to hit it. Apparently you have to hold the flame a decent distance away so it vaporises the DMT or something, I did that, and began to inhale. The smoke wasn't as harsh as people said it would be - after about 3 seconds I started getting visuals, fractals etc. I took another hit quickly, this time taking in as much as I possibly could before I was completely out of it. Immediately as I exhaled, I saw the famous orange and red circular thingy above me. I couldn't feel my arms, and my head felt like it was folding in and out (really hard to describe). I started to ascend, and this loud buzzing noise started - I got kinda frightened here, but they told me to not worry, because in the great words of Bill Hicks "It's just a ride." As I got closer to it, I sped up, and broke through.
Immediately after breakingthrough, I had this feeling of being greatly refreshed, I was completely absent from my surroundings at this point. What I saw, I can't really describe. I was floating, and around me was an ocean, but not like a normal ocean, it was like a cuboid ocean, and I was in the middle, in an invisible bubble. I zoomed out, and I could see the cuboid getting smaller until I could just see a little blue dot. Aside from the dot, there was nothing. It was completely black. Not like black when you close your eyes - there were none of those yellow dots you usually see in your vision when its dark, it was completely black. The most black I have ever seen.
Suddenly, I felt something in my brain. Something other than myself, something else. I haven't ever felt that feeling before and I now understand why people find it so difficult to explain their DMT trips. The experiences are so personal that only the person who experienced it can possibly understand it - the events that go on in hyperspace are beyond words. This presence scared me a bit, but I just kept telling myself to stop worrying - at this point I could feel the "presence" searching through my mind, and I had visions of past memories, ones that are long forgotten and I don't even know if they are real or not, only I had a feeling of deja vu about them. The visions stopped, and the presence left - and this was the worst part of the trip by far. I felt so alone, there was just this faint blue in the distance, and I was just nothing, nowhere.
Then, the most amazing thing, that I can't even describe happened. I'll try anyway. A tunnel formed in the blackness, and I was pulled into it, I tried to resist, but eventually gave in to this overwhelming force, as I travelled through this tunnel, I became absent from myself. I honestly don't know how to explain it. It was if I wasn't me. Before my DMT trip, I had heard people say this but I could only imagine it from my own perspective, and thus, it was impossible to imagine. Anyway, it was as if I wasnt there, but at the same time, I was. At the end of this tunnel, there was a woman. Not human, but had some human features. I seem to remember being in a room at this point, and the atmosphere was very.. ugh.. foreign. Everything was made of fractals, except this woman. Well, when I say "woman", I mean I felt that she was female, or had a certain femininity about her. She was dancing and had this sort of shroud around here, and in the middle of her body there was this dot of bright white light. She pulled me closer to her, and I just felt the most amazing feeling ever. I felt as if I was loved unconditionally by this being, again, I can't really describe it. When I entered the bright white dot inside her, everything was white, everywhere. But, the strangest thing was that I was her. I was looking from her perspective. It was as if I was her. In front of me, was me (as in myself.) So suddenly the roles had been reversed, and I was feeling what she was feeling. And I felt this great pity for the person infront of me. I know that may sound as if I was feeling sorry for myself, but it wasn't, because I wasn't me. Anyway, I could access her memories, and knowledge. It wasn't as if I was accessing them, because I was her so they were already there, but immediately as I became her, all of this happened instantly, at the same time. From her perspective, she had been there forever, no beginning. I can't comprehend that statement, because it seems so unreal, but she was "eternal." And life, (not just human, other alien creatures too) were all there simply because they could be. There was no reason for anything, but she didn't challenge this as you would expect a human to, she just accepted it because it was what she knew - again, this may sound ridiculous but this is totally out of human perception so the way I describe it is kinda off on how it actually felt.
Anyway, at this point, I felt the most unreal feeling, a feeling of being everything at once. As if I were God (when I say God, I mean the human idea of a God. Eternal, beyond time and space. Not literally Jesus or the Abrahamic God.)And again, I didn't ask where this all came from, what started everything, because to her (to me as I was her) it didn't even occur. There was no reason - and that WAS the reason at the same time.
As I looked upon myself, I didn't feel any familiarity as if it were me looking in a mirror, I was totally her. And as she (I) looked at me (it), I remembered, or experienced the thought of pity that this human was trapped in the realm of their chemically perceived reality when actual reality is beyond perception. And whilst her reality was her perception, it was the fact that she realised this and I didn't that made me (her), pity me.
This all happened instantly. I was her, so I didn't have to think about it, it was just there. UGH, its frustrating because I honestly can't describe it well enough to articulate what it actually felt like. Anyway, I was her for only a second, and then I flipped back, but I was back in my self, my SELF was there now, and I was trying to comprehend what had just happened. She was still there dancing, and the visuals were still there, but I felt as if the main part of the trip was over. She slowly disappeared, and I travelled back through the tunnel into nothingness but zoomed inside of the cuboid ocean and just floated there completely bewildered for what felt like days (honestly). Slowly this faded out and I was back in the room, I still had fractals goin on for a couple hours and even now weeks later, when I close my eyes I still have pretty decent CEVs (not sure if thats from the DMT or other stuff).
Anyway, this experience was just incredible. I don't really feel the need to do it again any time soon, because I am still struggling to understand what actually happened then.
Perhaps the strangest thing about the trip was that throughout the entire thing, I felt the strangest feeling of deja vu. It felt as if I had been there before, long ago. Again, I don't know how to make sense of this, I've never had an experience quite like it even on high doses of other drugs, and it feels like I'm going to have to think about it alot before I can even begin to understand (if ever) what happened there.