THC – Take One
Yesterday i tried out the cbd conversion from CBD to ∆9-THC and oh boy was it successful! It has been 8 years since i last used THC. Back then i had issues with the substance but i got interested taking it again as i heard about its healing properties.
At first i took a tiny bit of my thc/cbd goo and added it to my concentrate crucible of my vaporizer.
I felt it coming on very slowly, accelerating, pressure on my eyes. I got happy and opted to take a bit of that goo on my emesh as i was a bit unhappy with smoalking the vaporizer - i might reserve that for dry flower -. Luckily the issues i knew from back then didn’t appear which gave me great confidence.
I wasn’t ready for having my eyes opened that evening, but the tiny dose on my emesh* expanded me widely.
Upon taking the hit i felt my headspace changing. Emotions became broadly available and felt colorful – like the frame of them became expanded, added content. It was a familiar feeling i’ve been there before. I was listening to some down-tempo psychedelic music and really digged it. I felt present, though a bit anxious, but i understood why i felt this anxiety despite probably just taking a bit too much thc.
It showed me habits of me projecting onto myself, that was a real eye opener. I was able to grasp how i’m controlling myself in comparison to others, like a inward looking mechanism „keeping myself in check“ and i was like: Why am i doing this?
This was my issue back then aswell! The anxiety induced from this feeling of being present branched into seperating thought patterns which got so bad it could be labeled as illness, sooo…
Was i just anxious all the time? - Probably yes!
I was shown the hurdles still to overcome. How i have been socially awkward and just not realizing it. How i pushed away this side of myself and stored it for noone to see. It felt releaving yet also intimidating as i know i have to get comfortable with it to make peace with myself.
The part of me that wants to be and individual and self-steered was on full display and i watched through the holes in the brick wall how my future could look like.
It was a happy day and i had a good time. It’s like a long lost ally came back into my life and i know theres a lot of therapeutic value in this substance. I’d like to smoalk some with a couple friends.
I hope they also get it to this extent how i see things. I really would like a friend to talk about such things IRL, people to comfort me – as i realized im unwell and theres alot of bad vibes inside of me due to abstaining from personal activity like i has been shown me today.
I wondered. How are we not talking about THIS anymore? I feel like we have been able to in the past, that we had a language for the things that ARE.
The world is a crazy place to discover. Im looking forward in doing so.
*FYI: I used the same settings as if i’d smoalk DMT. I was using 24W and toking slowly.
Music:
Nanosphere - Swamp Dimension