I have been lurking around these pages for the past week and a half. I can't believe how much I have learned. My thanks to you all for for having such a cohesive and informative forum.

I arrived here by way of a DMT documentary I watched a couple years ago on netflix. It piqued my curiosity, but seemed very fairly inaccessible at the time so I dismissed it from my thoughts. Unlike nearly every person in my life right now, I have a fairly open mind when it comes to drugs. When I was young, I tried every drug that was available, but nothing really stuck and I got on with life. I never really liked weed, it did not relax me like it did other people, instead I felt like I was missing out on something, some conversation I couldn't hear, respond to or understand. The resulting emotions were awkwardness and anxiety. Mushrooms and acid were interesting, but not enough to chase after with any amount of enthusiasim. PCP was just weird, heroine made vomiting feel nice, and crack, coke and speed made me angry. The only drug that was worth a damn in my opinion was ecstacy and only if it came paired with a late 90's rave... Fun stuff, but fun was far and few in between those days, and the pursuit of happiness was eventually replaced with the pursuit of practicality. I just got with life I guess, as you do. I followed my career around the world, eventually settling in Aus and having a couple kids. On paper my life looks pretty amazing. Sought after career, highly dangerous work, cutting edge equipment, respect of my peers, blah blah blah. Truth is, I am missing something. I don't know what. I've been missing something my whole life even as a kid. A couple of weeks ago I watched this scottish comedian doing a show on his experience with DMT. It struck a chord. I've got to say, the phrase '20 years of psychotherapy in 10 minutes' really appeals to me. Since then I have been watching people recount their DMT experiences on Youtube in between researching how to vape and do an A/B extraction. The one thing that strikes me hard is that everyone reckons that it's realer than real. The concept of having access to something bigger than us, bigger than this reality is terribly seductive to me. As is the idea that I'm not alone. That this life might actually have some kind of purpose. So much so that I am slightly concerned that I might possibly be a canidate for psychological addiction. I want so bad for it to be real and not just in my head. But if it turns out to be the case, I suppose I'll manage all right with a good dose of self-therapy 10 minutes at a time, as long as my therapist does not decide to tear me apart.

I'm nearly there, I am just waiting on a couple things to arrive in the mail. It was unbelievably simple to acquire the ingredients and tools for my spicy stew. I intend to use the handbook for my first time cooking, I have a lot of AA to practice on. I also have some extremely expensive MHRB which I would like to try Cybs' Max Ion tek on once I've got more experience. Actually the hardest thing for me to find has been a sitter. It would be pretty catastrophic for me if it were to get around town that I'm breaking bad my way into the next dimension. Although on some distant level, I feel it would be wildly hilarious.

If you're still with me after my noob ramblings, that's a small slice of me and my life at the moment. I'm really grateful that this forum is here. There is literally no way I would have been able to follow this path without it.

Hi there, welcome to the forum. Your in good company here.

Thank you for sharing your story. I found it well presented, easy to read and relatable.
It's funny you mentioned it, I also seen the recent video of scottish comedian talking about his DMT experience. I had a laugh.
Yes I was/am suprised how easy it is to gather requierd materials to produce the spice.
Just a thought, you may also be interested in connecting with a community of like minded people and participating in ayahausca ceremonies locally or abroad.

Hi there AnonanonA,

I my mind all human beings are trying to get back to the magical moments we experienced when we where young. Our first 5yrs young, before the programming of society curbed our perceptions to fit. Closing doors in the process.

I feel that every human responds different to the 'numbness' that society requires to function within. Feelings like anger, sadness, depression, hopelessness, etc all stem from this disconnection from the Nexus.

Clinging to alcohol, sex, work, religion, etc are ways for us (the brain) to cope with the feelings that result from this disconnect.

The body, however, is not fooled by societies' sirensongs and always tries to bring you back into the fold of proper Flux. It's just that your brain has been in the driver's seat for so long, thanks to the programming, that you have a hard time understanding the communications of your body.

The big question is why this is and what drives it. Something I'm trying to unravel.

Anyway, just one of my evolving theories of Life. Not sure if it makes sense.

Flux on!

Hey, thanks for that Phenethylamine23. Yeah, Ayahuasca was the first thing I considered actually. I found a group called Behold reatreats I wouldn't mind trying, but that will have to wait a few years. I simply don't know how to go about finding local ceremonies, short of travelling to Byron Bay and asking strangers. Which would be super awkward. There is certainly nothing like that near me. That's OK though. I think making my own appeals to me more anyway. It pleases my inner scientist.

Hey rkba

Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Although for me, it feels like the disconnect happened at birth. The big question Why we are as we are and what drives it - happens to be one of my burning questions as well. I read Vovins post today about why you should NOT do DMT. In it he writes...

"In the end you must decide if you are ready for such an undertaking and you must also realize that DMT offers very few answers, just bigger questions and a little perspective to let you see your life, our state of being, and the underlying framework of it all.

I promise you who are seeking answers you will have far more questions once you have broken through to the other side than you did before. Many of those initial questions will only grow deeper and more complex...."

Which completely sucks because my motivation is answers. Or enlightenment. Preferably both. While disappointed, I am not deterred. I guess I'll just have to practice acceptance beforehand and get what I get.

I dont think you will necessarily not get answers, seems like some people do, some dont, and probably everything else in between.
That said, this: "I guess I'll just have to practice acceptance beforehand and get what I get.", sounds wise to me either way.

Hi AnonanonA,

Welcome to the nexus

the "realer than real" feeling on DMT is true, and it also feels that everything makes perfect sense and all questions are answered or not requiring an answer because they are obvious. the thing is that it's very hard to bring that understanding back and put it in words, but it's good to know that it exists.

I'm sure you will get answers, or at least after seeing the bigger picture and the fragility of what we consider to be reality, your questions and attitude towards them will evolve. all the important questions about why everything is the way it is do not have ultimate answers anyway, it is the mystery of existence.

one thing for sure, you will not be disappointed

good luck with your endeavor and do let us know how it goes

Yeah, I also realize that we may not get, understand, or even like, the answers that we seek.

However, if we stand still then the Flux will pass by without us being able to notice it. And that is something I find unfortunate.

I used to think that humans are inherently evil and that some can control it better than others. But I have come to realize that it is more likely that humans are inherently good-spirited and that evil is 'created' within ourselves by the programming put upon us. This programming is what keeps us from observing the Flux around us and makes us deaf to the constant drumming and the pounding of the hooves.

I feel that the different programmings (cultures) are stemming from multiple sources. And that these sources are competing with each other over whatever it is that they are harvesting from us. Like a slow and meticulous battle of the Gods. Their time-scales are clearly different from ours. The movie the Matrix is closer to the truth than we may like.

But, whatever it may be, in the end we want just a glimpse of the Nexus, just to makes us feel that it is all going to be okay and we are not forgotten. And for that we seek the 'advise' from older beings that also operate on a different time-scale. Plants.

Build your own Wagon, let the Caravan continue and Flux away!

Well... that didn't go as expected. A mysterious stranger told me a story about 100 g of AA bark, that yielded .490 of a gram. I don't know if that is a reasonable expectation or not? It turned out quite yellow though. The method used was a combination of cybs max ion and the manual. The bark was boiled, then frozen and re-thawed about 10 or so times, then simmered again with HCl acidic water 3 times. After that, the acidic water was boiled down to a more manageable amount, and salt was added. Then it was basified. After 3 naphtha rinses with waaaay too much naphtha, the large container was put in the freezer. Our stranger then decided it would be best to just evaporate it in the freezer with mini fans. After about 4 evap sessions, the naphtha was gone, and our stranger was left with a nasty gummy mess that apparently had DMT in it. After realising the error of their ways, said stranger warmed up some more naphtha and tried again, on a much smaller scale this time. Instead of evaporating in the freezer, the naphtha was just poured off, and then the DMT dried. The dish was too cold, and water condensation started dripping into the DMT. The bowl was dried off, some excess moisture was picked up by the corner of the paper towel. Our stranger had enough of messing around waiting and decided to have a go.

I am pretty disappointed tbh. I know I did not do enough to break through, there was stuff left in the vape thing. I probably at a rough guess, did about 25 mg maybe. I felt overwhelmingly crushingly heavy, it was difficult to breathe. Saw some crazy visuals, told myself to relax, and had so much regret. I was kind of scared. I thought to myself "I should not have done this. I didn't feel mortal terror exactly, but a regretful dread. Anyway. fun stuff. I'll try to break through again tomorrow night. Hopefully, I can get it all in one hit, because holy hell, I don't know if I can hit that thing three times. I'll probably die. Also .. is yellow DMT bad? Should our mysterious stranger do the naphtha thing again?

AnonanonA,

Welcome to the Nexus. I really enjoyed reading your introduction.

I came to the Nexus in midlife also seeking something. Turned out it was spirtuality and shamanistic practice. The thing missing from so many modern lives.

Your adventures in trying to extract sound a bit stressful. Yet not out of the ordinary. A lot of help with extraction can be found in the Forum and the chat.

I'm surprised those Youtubes didn't warn you about the DMT body load. It's important to understand about this. Smoking DMT has a HEAVY body load that comes with it. One feels, heavy, trancy, a bit aneasthetized as it comes on. This is where letting go and surrender are essential.

The DMT will work to separate your sense of self/your soul from your body. Your ego strongly identifies the concept of you being ALIVE as being in touch with your body. As the DMT loosens your connection to the body the ego will want to fight.

In addition, physiologically, the body load does in fact trigger our fight or flight response in our brains.

So, here's the thing. All that more real than real, we aren't alone, religion in a molecule, instant therapy stuff . . . . all those claims. . . . that stuff does not come without a price. The price often is ego attacks or even ego death.

If you get a decent dose of DMT into you the body load will paralyze you and drive you down into a trance. An outside viewer (such as the nurse who watched my husband and I smoke massive doses) will say you appear to be asleep and breathing very deeply and evenly.

So, I say to you, try to let go, try to surrender and TRUST YOUR BODY. Your body breathes when you are asleep. Your body digests food without your actively thinking about the Krebb's Cycle. Your body filters wastes without your having to think about it. Your body knows what to do. Trust it.

If you feel like you aren't breathing, try not to fight. Try to remember that breathing and heartbeat are NOT NECESSARY to comfortably journey in hyperspace and just let go. Try to trust your body to do what needs to be done even when you are not in it or in touch with it.

Sorry about the rant. .

I hope you continue to experiment and find what you seek.

Again, welcome.