Thank you, I think, It hasn't been a full set of days, but with a missed day here and there. Guess you can say that I'm putting "this thread" into practice. It's a result of my being fed up, both internally and externally. It's also an exercise in loosening up, and I figured what better tool, than a molecule that I love, that is physically safe, yet wild and intense af.

Life is slightly easier to handle when we allow ourselves the things we love... not to mention I'm only doing more and more guidework, so I have to be willing to put myself through the trials as well, which I am, even if I can't bring myself to the depths.

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90 days is quite astonishing

Astonishing or ridiculous?

In my usualy paranoia, I've worried that DMT might get old... please to report that so far that is very far from the case... strangely so.

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During my honeymoon after first extractions I managed about 12 days before things got so weird that I needed to re-think everything and stop for 5 months.

Your efforts are ground breaking

After my fifth time, I was on a six year hiatus.

Right now, I've just kinda lost my sh*t Though I will say that today's was profound...

And mind you, I'm generally not going very far, though it's still getting weirder even in shallower waters.

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The good ones have left me buoyant and stronger but the hard ones are still making me question myself in every direction. I cant help feeling like it must be my own failing when a trip leaves me confused and lost. Or like I must not deserve candy land.

I know that is wrong. But I still cant totally let that idea go. Like somehow I need to keep improving and keep digging deep to earn a better experience. Which in turn makes me reluctant to go hard on a dose incase I have not done enough yet.

Parts of this are very familiar, probably because threads of these ideas are occurring presently for me.

So, yes, that's not necessarily correct, but the idea is still there, for both of us, so what now? Be with it. Improve yourself, even if it's predicated on something more false than true, it gets you to a beneficial destination. All the while, keep working with the spice and seeing through the lie. The more you do it, the more you see.

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If 'it' mimics life, as we currently experience it, it is probably another recursive loop that calls itself from within. There is a lie behind every lie. Behind your eyes I sleep.

Even the universe is doing the same thing. There are galaxies behind galaxies that shouldn't be there.



Words to Flux by!

You may enjoy the article in this thread.

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Do you have aphantasia by any chance?

Not sure if that was directed at me.

Never heard of that before. Looked it up and it seems that I indeed lack visual imagination. I didn't even know. Yet I have a very vivid imagination, just not visual. Very interesting!

Flux Away!

Sorry, I was asking fink, but it was also a thought for anybody with "diminished" visuals, so to speak. Plus many people aren't even aware it's a thing or they're "different" from others in that regard. Not everybody has an internal monolog, either, which I find hard to understand.

Yeah, I don't always have an internal monolog, which can make communication hard sometimes. Often when I do have an internal monolog it's directed toward a hypothetical or fictional person or being rather than directly with myself.

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Imaginary friends are no big deal! Interesting, though. My internal monolog never turns off or slows down and even ramps up with less distractions going on. Probably just a natural byproduct of my ADHD.