Hi everyone,

For a long time I've been practicing with the Elektron Octatrack, which is a fairly complex music-generating/creating/sound-mangling instrument.
It can be a lot of different things, you could control a lot of external synths just from this one box if you wanted to sequence stuff, or you could
use it as a live looper, whatever. And here's the thing, I never saw CEV's ever before DMT. I became fixated on that sensory overload, the cymatics - perfect, real,
not like anything I've ever seen before on Earth. So, I started messing with generative visual software in MaxMSP to cymatically simulate something like what
I've seen out there in hyperspace, I've been doing it for a while and it's
always all over the place but this one I think is actually special.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh21UTVdWTY

Well, K is what is special. Special K. But, if I am sober and view this with headphones on - it's repetition. It's a good repetition, it
reminds me a little of La Monte Young's - The Well-Tuned Piano, which was a piece of music that actually got me interested in psychedelics
in the first place. Sober/repetition. Throw in some K and for me at least, taking a "hole" amount, every single time with headphones on,
watching this, I go deep out there. I mean, it's like aya/DMT stuff going on for me. I don't know if the K is accessing those subconscious
experiences or what but it is really out this world. And maybe that is the point of the spirit in these medicines, is to do. Create with the
intention of searching and knowing and loving and it will reciprocate with so much love and intensity it is just out of the fucking world, wow.

Anyway, there were a few times where I thought I was going to seize to exist, it's never been total DMT breakthrough sort of thing and that
is not what I'm looking for anyway, I'm just trying to heal myself and it seems to actually be working. I don't know why I am so surprised,
but damn, Ketamine is some good stuff!

I just wonder - most people will probably think this is complete garbage, but to me it's like bringing back some DMT technology into the world for myself. lol
Should I be ashamed of that?

It's certainly a tall order for a stranger to walk into a circle and hope anyone
brings any Truth to the table. So I will respond to myself and I hope you enjoy the message
because it FINALLY/CLEARLY came through to me as I was trying to go to sleep:

sobering up I see it, I feel lit
the truth is
it
takes one to know one
we are
ONE

PEACE & LOVE FOR EVERYONE

Here’s a message: Don’t blow a gasket when you post something and don’t get immediate responses.

Moving this to an appropriate sub forum.

I gave it a listen and would agree that the hypnotic quality could be perceived as being beneficial when in certain states of mind. It was easy to imagine it being part of a soundtrack in some kind of ambient music scenario and I'd certainly encourage you to keep developing your ideas and self expression.

Did you choose the LFO frequencies with a particular intention?

What other sonic qualities were chosen with this healing focus?

Were you under the influence of ketamine while composing the piece?

Yesterday I listened to it and I thought it was very cool.
But I forgot to reply. It happens!

Sorry, if it seemed like I "blew a gasket" - it was more that later that night it gave me the most unbelievable trip I've ever had in my life.
I "Looked Back" and I could see all of the videos and hear all of the sounds disconnected/connected - I made since the beginning of this project and they were good
from that perspective - thought there is a lot of negativity / randomness in there.

I often feel ashamed of my stuff because I have difficulty focusing on it for long enough to quality control and make perfect
but it was all good - some technical difficulties here or there some stuff should be cut/pruned but I was not
expecting this whole Alex Grey sort of diorama of everything I have done to be on display in my mind like that
and then it really was like everything was ONE and I accepted it and it was so healing and walked through it into unified ONE.

The LFO's are in there just to create a balance,shape, form not for any specific reason but because they fit - because yes I was on the K when I began messing around with the visuals and sounds so
it does become difficult to know where you are in terms of filter knobs etc and what is what. The "healing" focus is sort of the wonky upward motions, while a bell like sound creates the intensity/tension that creates pillars to grapple on to and droning repetition needed to propel myself and stay focused to go as far as I can go up the mountain, on K the healing will just happen, it's quite amazing. I just didn't expect it to be so much like aya/DMT or maybe my wires are crisscrossed and the DMT was traumatic and somehow I blew a gasket and that is the message.

Ashamed and then healed - As I say on the youtube page in yet another long monologue - I don't know how to create "music" per se, it's sound design.
I took a few psychedelics in my lifetime and was very inspired by them - in a maybe misguided approach I tried to use the cymatic quality of the DMT realms to create visuals generated
from sound or affected by sound to try and create immersive fantasy worlds because that is what I like, I am too obsessed with wasting time playing video games etc.
I abused alcohol (not in this video, though) all through the process through almost all of the videos/music "jams" and I am now learning from my mistakes - that the INFINITECLOCKWORK project is more akin to an OCD library of that scene from A Clockwork Orange where they are holding his eyes open and forcing images into his head, driving him mad and I couldn't see that the entire time I have been doing this project because I was drinking too much - until I stopped but started taking the Ketamine.

I obviously need real psychotherapy. That is what is going on here and I will get it soon - so I would caution anyone to take ketamine and watch any of my videos, just as
much as I would caution people about taking DMT or being addicted to anything dangerous for your health, I suppose that is the Truth that cascaded out of the process of this video.
I was drinking heavily for 20+ years and then started abusing Ketamine and it really did work well, the best healing I've ever had but I started to become addicted to that too and spiral out of control, yet again. It made me relearn that long ago I learned to "express" myself through substance abuse and that is what is on display here, the expression/manipulation of alcohol/drugs/technology to narcissistically float my own boat as they say but never come back to reality - for better or worse; if anything it's definitely a tale of caution. I had to finally stop and reconcile the process that was creating chaos and more pain to myself and others.

What I want to do though, with better intentions and having stopped the alcohol abuse is to create something that actually is healing for people, to actually do something good in the world
- sober people especially, because I need to be one of those! Which will require relearning how to set the intentions and how to play music/sound, create movement and expression, peacefully and concise visuals while slowing it all down so that it is clear and in focus. And to start reading, learning, exploring and communicating with people in the real world again

Tell me what you think about that, I learned a lot here at the Nexus a long time ago and it's all over my page - am I too harsh on myself? Thank you for your time, understanding, patience and listening

You're good - you're in a process and what you express here is a part of that (nor is it something with which I am entirely unfamiliar in multiple ways). So hang on in there, keep it up with the ceativity however it turns out.

The question about the LFOs was related to beat frequencies and brainwave entrainment, so if those are things you're less familiar with I'd say they're certainly worth looking into. And on a related vein, you're probably aware of at least some of the ideas around sound as a healing modality - if so, do you have any favorites?

Above all, I'm really glad to hear how this has helped you leave alcohol behind. It was only today that I was discussing how many people use it as a means of removing socially inflicted restrictions to creativity and little wonder that so many actors, for example, are renowned alcoholics. Fortunately, as we know, there are other, less damaging ways. (And some of them might even repair damaged neurons...)

I posted a link to a video the other day that just might provide some inspiration:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...mp;m=1179005#post1179005

Thank you for your reply and confirming that I am good. I think I need confirmation to some degree - but when I "brokethrough" in the K-hole it was because I said, "I Believe in Myself".
It's going to take a long while for me to figure out what happened through this video and my K explorations. I put the K down (for now) just like I did alcohol/smokes to go explore (went to the top of a huge mountain today to give that Holy Mountain vibe off!! hahaha It was awesome, so beautiful! I've been exploring A LOT. But, one thing that came up was the Shiva balancing stuff out. And then I noticed that person Shiva is standing on. Ignorance. And I am exploring my ignorance to come to knowledge, and it was only possible by quitting the booze and accepting myself and all the embarrassment/foolishness and pain that has caused my life.

Yes, I have an interest in brain entrainment, years ago I used to listen to one that was a certain frequency called "Self-Hypnosis". I remember listening to it for about 45 minutes with headphones at work and things really got wonky, it was pretty awesome. The Gateway Process etc. If you mean something else please let me know. But, I'm not sure if I want to use my talents
to create stuff like that, I sort of like the Hopkins - Music for Psychechelic Therapy or chill stuff like Brian Eno On Land, RaveDeath from Tim Hecker was always really good on literal plane treks from the east coast to west coast visa versa - and make beautiful videos with the programming software.

Just writing this out I found/came to C.R. Gillispie and that's so on point for me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5B4WM8xmUK0 I LOVE that.

Edit attachments: I also forgot about the fact that for a while I was creating Encasutic paintings (beeswax, blowtorch, etc), I made a lot of them during a briend period of time a year and a half ago. Looking back now, damn - that was how my mind/body/soul connection was performing under alcohol abuse, stuck/frozen/void.