PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Happy, slightly nervous
Setting (location): Bed
time of day: 23:00
recent drug use: DMT(35mg)
last meal: 12:00

PARTICIPANT
Gender: f
body weight: 49kg


BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT
Dose(s): 45mg
Method of administration: Vaporized


OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 3
Implesantness: 1
Visual Intensity: 4

[u]
REPORT

After my first experience, I was ready to go again. I felt I had dipped a toe in and was feeling more confident in myself and my ability to let go and not give in to panic. After waiting over an hour I was ready to go again, preparing myself with my pillows, low lights and this time, some lo-fi music. I could feel myself getting pulled into what my SO and I are now calling the "hallway" right as I was taking my last hit. It took everything for me to focus on the pipe and finish inhaling. As I exhaled, it was like the pull got stronger and I was pulled down. It was the same as my first time. I fell into a black void of nothing and quickly became a part of it, losing myself in it. Then I opened my eyes.

I could hear my SO talking to me, so I sat up slowly and turning my head, I could see faint green geometric patterns warping around where I looked, but otherwise it was like the usual "wake up". He asked again if I was still seeing visuals. I didn't answer right away because I was so confused. Him saying "still" told me I'd been "away" for a few minutes yet I couldn't recall anything after the hallway. I decided I'd let the visuals fade then ask him if I'd said anything that could maybe help me understand or remember where I'd gone during that time.

I looked to the wall in front of me to watch while the visuals died down and realized that, just like last time, the wall I was looking at was black, with fine cracks going all through it and a green color in the back. As soon as I saw this I looked at him and told him "I don't think it started yet."




I looked away from my SO and realized the multi-level cat tree in the corner of the room was "glitching" up and down and as it did so, pieces would go "missing" and were replaced with a pink blur of code. I looked back to him and realized the room behind him was suddenly infinite, and so was he. Above him was a massive pink web with beautiful patterns. The strands reached out and touched all of the various versions of my SO, which I realized as I looked at it that I was very aware of what each and every single one of them were doing all at once. Looking to those nearest to me, or I guess, they were the most "active" and seemed to appear before me. I noticed and KNEW that my version of my SO was there, and exactly which one he was and what he was doing the whole time.

As soon as I had processed all that I was seeing and understanding, I felt the pull down the hallway with a MUCH larger force behind it. It felt more like I was slammed back down into the pillows. But it didn't hurt or feel violent. I sat up again and looked over to see my SO sitting beside me on the floor(short bed and I was near the edge) looking at me, just as he had before. He asked me the same question as before. Yet as he asked this, I was busy looking at the bed and running my hand back and forth over the sheets. I realized the colors of the bed and my hand were vibrant but muted shades of blues, pinks, and purples, shifting constantly and lighting up almost like an LED but less intense and bright. More than that, the bed felt like water, and moving my hand made the "water" ripple, though nothing ever seemed to truly lose its shape. As this thought sank in, again I felt that forceful pull and slammed back into my pillow.

Once again I sat up and it was the same scene as before. But this time, the bed was made of sand. The colors and motions all stayed the same as they had before. I focused very hard on this aspect. I was feeling some panic and I needed to ground myself. I reminded myself that no matter how it changed, it was still my bed.

I repeated this looping 5 times total. The materials were water, sand, clay, paper, and some sort of static I can't really explain in words.

As I was being pulled back and forth and feeling the bed, I noticed that a few versions of my SO were panicking. I could hear and see them in various stages. One was angry with himself, another was just scared, another thought I was dying, another was asking if he should call an ambulance. In the midst of all these, one had reached out and was about to start shaking me so I pushed his hands away from me. It took a lot of effort but I focused on my true body and made myself start sort of flopping my hand at him and said out loud "It's okay. You're panicking more than I am, it's beautiful." My version looked to me and asked if he'd done something wrong and was confused as he hadn't moved from where he was sitting the whole time. I could only tell him "I'm not talking to you," point at him, "I'm talking to you", point at the most concerned version.

In the fifth loop, I felt panicked that it wouldn't stop. I suddenly saw a view of myself from above and saw myself curl up and close my eyes. I thought this was a good idea and did so. As I did, I said out loud with full intention behind my words, "This is too much now. I need a break. I'm going to close my eyes and this will stop." As soon as I had done it, the visuals stopped completely. Once I felt myself get "pulled out" for real, I opened my eyes and tried to not focus too much on the few faint visuals I was still seeing. I looked to him and made sure it was real, then told him I was okay but needed a minute and closed my eyes again.



From SO's perspective, I had only fallen into the pillows initially and only sat up again once it was over and after spending a couple of minutes "recovering" still curled up with my eyes closed. I was, however, rubbing the bed with my hand just as I had seen, and I spoken to him every word I said along with the motions I forced. I also had been making a shoving motion as I did when one of the versions of "him" had tried to shake me. He was also unsure if my eyes were open or not during this, if so they were so slightly he couldn't tell. In the end, it stuck with me how much he loves me. I had also felt nothing but a deep love for him, though I had been sad when I saw how concerned he was for me, which had led to me making myself speak so I could calm him. Despite knowing he wasn't actually upset, I loved and felt sad for the other versions of him that were.

I still feel I have a lot to learn and reflect on from this experience, and welcome any thoughts on it as well. It has helped me tremendously to type this out as it felt like multiple versions of my memories of these events had been stacked on top of each other and slammed together. I didn't have this experience in the flow that I described it, but rather the linear pathing that makes sense when I consider all of the memories together. Typing it out has allowed me to see where certain events made more sense to have happened than I tried to describe before, or just overall let me know where a certain event "belonged". But during the experience, time was very fractured, or at least my memories of it are and everything happened in a very strange order. The longer I was out of it, the more it came together, though I still recall it in a scrambled way. My head felt very full, like I had processed much more information than I was capable of all at once, thought it's been a few days now and that feeling has passed.

FoxDown,

Seriously, how the hell could this have sat here since late last year with no comments? I'm glad I came back when I did so I could read your reports.

This is a freaking fantastic trip report. You really have the gift to bring it back and write it up.

Your report reminded me so much of some of the lessons I learned from similar trips to what you described. It taught me that my entire reality is in my head. That it is synthetic. But that it works because it is consensual with others who share it.

I remember taking trips with my husband where I could have sworn I heard him yelling at our mischievous kitty cats but when I came out of the trance he said he was just sitting there the entire time.

I find myself incredibly resonant with what you write and I don't want to make this about myself more than I usually do but I also remember a number of trips where I would open my eyes and textures in the room would transform as if they had all been painted by famous artists like Van Gogh, Matisse or Picasso. I also remember once looking at Nemo Amicus's face and he had turned into a sculpture made of cascading sand. The sand was constantly falling but his face was also constantly reconstructing so that nothing was lost.

Your descriptions of believing that your eyes were opening and closing, that you were sitting up and laying down and that the bed was transforming into these different textures was what brought this all back for me.

I really love your description of all the pink threads and all the different versions of your significant other and what those different versions were going through. Kind of does sound like you really did fall into the multi verse there for a few minutes.

Amazing report and you made my whole day by sharing it. Thank you so much younger sister.

-Pandora