Set&Setting : Equinox 2022, at home, country side.
Dosage: 6g (each) cracker dried (in dehydrator, re-energized in the sun on this last afternoon of summer).
+ 6g (each) in water (boiled for 5 minutes).
One represent the fierce red sun and dryness of the summer. The other, the coming of the wet fall.
12g of each ; the 12 hours of Night and Day in perfect balance.
(the amanita were from last fall season, perfectly dried in a dehydrator)
Starting time 5PM.
Simple, sober ceremony with a prayer/intention. Directly went into gentle day-dreaming after taking it. Gentle slope from T+20 minute to T+3 hours(??) (peak experience, when I decide to leave to My friend to save reality from collapsing).
Here is a rather abstract report - mirroring the unfathomable nature of this experience :
The gentleless, the slumber, the gentle rowing of the boat down the stream of your own awareness
The hypnosis ; the reverberance of your own question in instant resolution ; a ping pong game against your own wall, placed 73micrometer from your own frontal cortex. The speed, the inalterable acceleration of the reverberation. The absolute freedom of your own thoughts within this tiny gap. The fractalization of Destiny and the annihilation of temporal experience into divination of all futures. The experience of all possible end (end of times, at the transcental moment of death) as instantaneous consquences of one owns present mind. The slow but steady restricting ouroboros of one own mind, cornering himself into the impossibility of it's own survival – the mere finitude of his self , becoming more and more insignificant as the Space of consciousness expand to infinity. Yet, the presence being narrowed down to the tinyness of the focal point.
The seriousness of being only this, and nobody else. The absolute annihilation of conventional reality, the obessive thoughts of a perfect path, at each moment ; the necessary, contingent emergence of Faith – the only remedy for the unacceptable Illusion of Being God – a cure for oneself desilution – as Faith made it all Real and palapable. The same Faith that would trick myself into necessary contradiction, into non-sensical materialization. The humble realisation of the unfathomable grace of the invisible angelic helper ; the tolerance of Temperance herself ; allowing us to keep agility within the quantum possibilities and constant bifurcation, bridging back and out of our self inflicted mistakes ; the self responsabilisation toward our pain – the stretch of Light-space capacity into the self-fabricated time – the distance that is pain itself. The Panic as things are narrowing down , the ping pong wall reaching Planck Scale – the reverberation fusing into singularity. Loving Kindness at all time, may it be your compass. May we choose the bright braid of all possible enlightened paths – and see the non-triviality of the nature of these choices.
May I choose the path where we survive, me and her. And this Path is me caring a Light through the darkness – to my friend Luz living 10 minute from us – and confront it with the madness of my finite Mind. I so choose to stand up and walk to Luz (we live in nature, there's no road, just a dirt track).
Before leaving, i need a Light :
Reaching to the first floor , no words can describe how one can "see" the world without the concept of shape. Touching the granite wall, looking for the light switch – keeping focus on reaching the promised time line. No Light switch. Resharpening the mind , systematizing the exploration of the granite wall. No Light switch. Focussing on the space beetween the rocks. Working in circle around the expected existence of the Light Switch. No light switch. That's the Final HIT, that this might be REAL, that the light switch is NOT. That I truly switch time line. That's not a trip. The body – which had been in a deep slumber where pain and pleasure weren't even remembered – woke up to that fact and purged 3 times outside the door – ringing the beginning of the end of the Absolute Enlightened conondrum. Back in the house, I got enlightened to fact that the light switch is on the left side of the door, not the right side.
The light of the house reached outside. I walk and touch the ground. I see the Light and touch it with my hands. I got a Light ! I start walking.
100 meter, infinite mind loops later, i'm in complete darkness. There's no Light here. Touching it with my hand didn't allow me to carry it.
I go back home to get a Light Device – a phone will do.
Reaching the end of the land, on a 10 meter slope , i'm aware of one of my steps – briefly -and fall back into the confusing vastness of omnipotent simultaneaity. Another moment of awarness, another step is made. And Again, and again, a back and forth beetween temporal walking and atemporal mindinfinity. But no progress is made, each step made is the same step, and i'm but stuck on the slope. I consider the problem seriously, and conclude that only a dedidated presence to each step would make me go forward. I focus. I reach enough presence to realize i'm not where I thought I was. I'm far away from where I should be, on another path, climbing a hill. Thus the impression of infinie loop. It was an illusion and i'm quite lost. This is the second stepping stone out of the absolute conumdrum of self replicated mind loops. My Spirit – in his aliveness, and instinctual discnerment – saw through the loops and the traps – and I thanked him from my heart. I got a GRIP. I'm not sure on what but I know that matters.
I walk back from where I came and got guided by the bareness of my feet – recognizing the texture at the crosspoint of the paths, sensing the muddyness of that particular area (my feet are well used to the land). I choosed the left path this time.
Arriving to Luz after swimming through eternity.
Are you here. I heard a voice. I got to the tent. It's not him but his friend. I can't see him, only one of his eyes is shining ,emerging out of amorphic sea of textures. As through the whole journey, the mind and language are unaffected by the crazyness. I gently say that i'm tripping balls and might cease to exist, and i'm looking for Luz. He is down at the nieghbours.
I meet Luz on the path. We walk home. I summarized the situation.
We checked on my wife. She is alive, but I know she is not “here”. We make tea.
After he leaves, I keep tripping in the bed. Strange multi dimensional structure of 4 arms are an incarnated discussion about the statistical properties of time lines. And other bizarre events. I probably can't remember much of it.
2:50AM. my wife emerge back. She EXPERIENCED EVERYTHING.
And mostly remember one thing, giving birth in reverse - and it was as intense as it could be.
The night is made of strange dreams with unique esthetic and properties. Very enjoyable.
Conclusion :
We choosed 12g because this is a dose i tried last year, and it was really mild and gentle, like a small space cake kind of thing. this time it was roughtly 72x stronger.
Factors to take into account :
The boiling of the mushrooms ; the different batch and probably different location of the picking ; the Equinox.
I would not recommend that dose to anyone. I'm happy it went smooth but the potential for for a hell of a disaster is clear. The power of this trip is way beyond the limits of tryptamines ( in the same way that the mycelium of these immortal beings reaches distances far greater than of psilocybes).
The trip was more real and serious that anything else. Yet, unbelivable, a trick above all tricks. Let's see how it get integrated.
The main outcomes that I can already see : by showing how the quality of the present mind affect the long term future, it gave a really nice feed-back on what is an impeccable mind (because generally we don't have that feedback!). It was a simple teaching into buddhism and Love. A true, straitfoward inspiration to live your best life possible – and care, and be kind, with others and oneself. But the dramatic collapse of conventional reality is not for the faint heart and mind. It's probably the most dramatic disconnection I ever had with the world and the body.
3 days later, i feel i can step out of my instinctual habits and reaction, and remender that a kind heart and open ungrasping mind is the best path for my life.
Ps : I didn't spoke much of my wife trip. I hope she will write something. Also didn't spoke about
Pacha (my cat) trip ; he consume about 3 nice chunks of mushroom, until I could stop him, otherwise he would have eating the whole bowl. He stayed with us for the first 3 hours, and came back later to cundle as we were coming down.