On the evening of the Winter Solstice I drank 16 ounces of tea, which had been prepared from 5 inches of fat Pachanoi and 9 inches of Bridgesii. Started drinking the tea at 6:00pm outside by a small fire. Followed each sip by eating some orange segments to chase the terribly bitter flavor. By 7:00pm all of the tea was consumed.
My original intent was to sit outside the entire night by a fire. Unfortunately the wind was picking up and starting to howl. By 8:00pm I had to put out the fire and head indoors. I had begun to feel a change of headspace while outside, but it was when I came indoors that the effects of the cactus started to really kick in and become psychedelic.
This was a very memorable trip. It ended up being one of the most impactful and positive trips of my life. And very insightful in that my last trip was from tea made from the exact same plants and amounts as this one. However that last trip had significant unpleasant physical side effects (mostly muscle twitching and cramps throughout) while not having many visuals. Oddly this trip had almost no physical side effects (besides minor nausea) and was very visual. The same plants and amounts were used. It just goes to show that each trip is its own experience, and new and unpredictable each time.
This is what happened: I went indoors at 8pm and spent the next 8 hours sitting with my girlfriend in our bedroom and talking about our relationship and our lives. At various points I was overwhelmed by emotion. The effects continued to build and build, and peaked around midnight. At no point was it difficult to use words. However the visuals were quite intense. I could not see faces clearly. Any face that I looked at morphed and continually changed, alternating between young and old, with various expressions and impressions being displayed in constant transition and morph. I could not understand photographs, who the people were, their relationship to each other, their age and race and expression continually morphing. My girlfriend showed me a photo of her friend who is black and the husband who is Asian and their kids. I could not understand who was who or any aspect of the family dynamic at all. I was unable to understand who was the father and who was the mother. I might as well have been looking at aliens from another planet. None of it made any sense or fit any pattern that my mind could process.
We listened to a SiriusXM music channel on the tv. It was the "Spa" channel, which is relaxing new age music. A photo of the album cover would show on the screen while the music played. One album cover was of an impressionist painting of a sailboat at sea. Even though my girlfriend assured me that it was just a still painting on the tv screen, I watched in wonder as a storm raged and the boat was tossed about on the waves. Any photo / image / painting was in constanst motion.
When I closed my eyes I saw faces morphing in rapid and grotesque manner. It kept returning to the motiph of a clown's head. But the head would fractalize out from the center, mouth and teeth gaping and exposed, turned outward grotesquely before morphing into a different type of head, which in turn would fractalize out of itself from a gaping center before morphing again... over and over and over.
The trip peaked at midnight and continued at peak intensity until about 4am. The intensity then began to diminsh and I was able to sleep at 6am. When I awoke a few hours later the trip had ended.
I had lots of energy during this trip. Kept standing and pacing around in the bedroom all night.
But the heart of this trip, the real meat of it, was the talk my girlfriend and I had throughout the night. We confronted our feelings about aspects of our relationship in a way that we had never done before. It felt like we heard each other in a way that had not happened in years. We are in a much better place now, and for this I am deeply thankful. It feels like this trip opened our hearts back up to each other again. Our love feels very strong right now.
I am very thankful to have experienced that night. I saw that I had become too entrenched in my perspectives, especially regarding the relationship. Without realizing it, I had stopped listening to her, and had become used to making up my mind about things before she was even done speaking. I saw how hurtful this was to her. I saw how much I need to change.
San Pedro is an incredible medicine. It has power to change a person, unlike anything else that I have experienced. I feel that I have an ally for life in this cactus, and without the guidance and correction that it affords, I am just like that sailboat, tossed about aimlessly. I will keep coming back to San Pedro again and again. I want to see it spread throughout the world. I love this cactus.
IT WAS ALL A DREAM