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Fear as the catalyst for growth Options
 
Nydex
#1 Posted : 11/2/2019 8:03:12 PM

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One of the most present emotions in the history of humanity is fear. That primal response that spreads its tentacles and grasps our being firmly from within. I've been thinking about it today following a trance session with 40mg of ketamine.

It seems to me that the fundamental catalyst at the core of every significant spiritual or emotional achievement is fear...
We tremble in fear at the notion of responsibility and importance that come with parenthood;
We perspire in fear when the cup of Yage is placed in our shaking hands;
We pray in fear before leaving the comfort zone of our lives and exploring the vast world outside;

Preceding every truly significant experience in life, there is always fear. It is the last boundary that we need to cross to the beyond. It is the ultimate challenge.

Don Juan, the Yaqui brujo, told Carlos Castaneda that fear is the first of four enemies one is to face if they want to pursue the path of becoming a Man Of Knowledge. In a sense, overcoming fear is the first and most important step on our path.

It appears that one of the most prominent fears is that of death. People who work seriously with psychedelics have more or less overcome that fear, but even among them some still feel strongly about it. Outside that circle of beautiful weirdos, the fear of death is so frequently encountered and influences some to such a degree that their whole existence is tainted by it.

Stoics had a very beautiful perspective on fear of death. Among them, Seneca put it in the most elegant fashion, aided by his mesmerizing eloquence:
Seneca wrote:
No one is so ignorant as not to know that we must at some time die; nevertheless, when one draws near death, one turns to flight, trembles and laments. Would you not think him an utter fool who wept because he was not alive a thousand years ago? And is he not just as much of a fool who weeps because he will not be alive a thousand years from now? It is all the same; you will not be, and you were not. Neither of these periods of time belongs to you. You have been cast upon this point of time; if you would make it longer, how much longer shall you make it? Why weep? Why pray? You are taking pains to no purpose.

[...]

For what is free from the risk of change? Neither earth, nor sky, nor the whole fabric of our universe, though it be controlled by the hand of God. It will not always preserve its present order; it will be thrown from its course in days to come. All things move in accord with their appointed times; they are destined to be born, to grow, and to be destroyed. The stars which you see moving above us, and this seemingly immovable earth to which we cling and on which we are set, will be consumed and will cease to exist. There is nothing that does not have its old age; the intervals are merely unequal at which Nature sends forth all these things towards the same goal. Whatever is will cease to be, and yet it will not perish, but will be resolved into its elements.


The other most frequent fear among people is that of the future. I myself am also affected by it to some degree, but nowhere near as much as I was before I journeyed with psychedelics. When I first read the below snippet of timeless wisdom by the same precious Seneca, I once again rethought my whole perception of the future (wherein death also patiently awaits my arrival), and my emotional attachment to that mysterious place and time. Stoicism and psychedelics are two invaluable tools for spiritual growth that when combined result in one of the most profound transformations I've ever had in my life.

Seneca wrote:
The greatest flaw in life is that it is always imperfect, and that a certain part of it is postponed. One who daily puts the finishing touches to his life is never in want of time. And yet, from this want arise fear and a craving for the future which eats away the mind. There is nothing more wretched than worry over the outcome of future events; as to the amount or the nature of that which remains, our troubled minds are set aflutter with unaccountable fear. For he only is anxious about the future, to whom the present is unprofitable. But when I have paid my soul its due, when a soundly balanced mind knows that a day differs not a whit from eternity – whatever days or problems the future may bring – then the soul looks forth from lofty heights and laughs heartily to itself when it thinks upon the ceaseless succession of the ages. For what disturbance can result from the changes and the instability of Chance, if you are sure in the face of that which is unsure?

Tell me rather how closely in accord with nature it is to let one’s mind reach out into the boundless universe! The human soul is a great and noble thing; it permits of no limits except those which can be shared even by the gods. First of all, it does not consent to a lowly birthplace, like Ephesus or Alexandria, or any land that is even more thickly populated than these, and more richly spread with dwellings. The soul’s homeland is the whole space that encircles the height and breadth of the firmament, the whole rounded dome within which lie land and sea, within which the upper air that sunders the human from the divine also unites them, and where all the sentinel stars are taking their turn on duty. Again, the soul will not put up with a narrow span of existence. “All the years,” says the soul, “are mine; no epoch is closed to great minds; all Time is open for the progress of thought. When the day comes to separate the heavenly from its earthly blend, I shall leave the body here where I found it, and shall of my own volition betake myself to the gods. I am not apart from them now, but am merely detained in a heavy and earthly prison.”

These delays of mortal existence are a prelude to the longer and better life. As the mother’s womb holds us for ten months, making us ready, not for the womb itself, but for the existence into which we seem to be sent forth when at last we are fitted to draw breath and live in the open; just so, throughout the years extending between infancy and old age, we are making ourselves ready for another birth. A different beginning, a different condition, awaits us. We cannot yet, except at rare intervals, endure the light of heaven; therefore, look forward without fear to that appointed hour – the last hour of the body but not of the soul. Survey everything that lies about you, as if it were luggage in a guest-chamber: you must travel on. Nature strips you as bare at your departure as at your entrance. You may take away no more than you brought in; what is more, you must throw away the major portion of that which you brought with you into life: you will be stripped of the very skin which covers you – that which has been your last protection; you will be stripped of the flesh, and lose the blood which is suffused and circulated through your body; you will be stripped of bones and sinews, the framework of these transitory and feeble parts.

That day, which you fear as being the end of all things, is the birthday of your eternity. Lay aside your burden – why delay? – just as if you had not previously left the body which was your hiding-place! You cling to your burden, you struggle; at your birth also great effort was necessary on your mother’s part to set you free. You weep and wail, and yet this very weeping happens at birth also; but then it was to be excused – for you came into the world wholly ignorant and inexperienced. When you left the warm and cherishing protection of your mother’s womb, a freer air breathed into your face; then you winced at the touch of a rough hand, and you looked in amaze at unfamiliar objects, still delicate and ignorant of all things.

But now it is no new thing for you to be sundered from that of which you have previously been a part; let go your already useless limbs with resignation and dispense with that body in which you have dwelt for so long. It will be torn asunder, buried out of sight, and wasted away. Why be downcast? This is what ordinarily happens: when we are born, the afterbirth always perishes. Why love such a thing as if it were your own possession? It was merely your covering. The day will come which will tear you forth and lead you away from the company of the foul and noisome womb.

Withdraw from it now too as much as you can, and withdraw from pleasure, except such as may be bound up with essential and important things; estrange yourself from it even now, and ponder on something nobler and loftier. Some day the secrets of nature shall be disclosed to you, the haze will be shaken from your eyes, and the bright light will stream in upon you from all sides. Picture to yourself how great is the glow when all the stars mingle their fires; no shadows will disturb the clear sky. The whole expanse of heaven will shine evenly; for day and night are interchanged only in the lowest atmosphere. Then you will say that you have lived in darkness, after you have seen, in your perfect state, the perfect light – that light which now you behold darkly with vision that is cramped to the last degree. And yet, far off as it is, you already look upon it in wonder; what do you think the heavenly light will be when you have seen it in its proper sphere?

Such thoughts permit nothing mean to settle in the soul, nothing low, nothing cruel. They maintain that the gods are witnesses of everything. They order us to meet the gods’ approval, to prepare ourselves to join them at some future time, and to plan for immortality. He that has grasped this idea shrinks from no attacking army, is not terrified by the trumpet-blast, and is intimidated by no threats.

My encounter with fear has recently been more frequent with the rapid approach of my one-way ticket to the other end of the world. No matter how brave I try to be, fear always finds a crevice through which to sneak in and lurk in the back of my mind, weighing me down. I fight it off to the best of my ability, but I'm not impervious...Can one be truly impervious to that emotion most primordial and fundamental of all?

I've lived my whole life within a 250km range of my family. No matter what happened to me, I always had the safety net of family and close ones. But now I am about to strip myself of this completely. 15,000km will separate me and my family for an unknown period of time. How does one cope with that effectively? The comfort zone I've been living in for 26 years has turned out to be a very peculiar cognitive trap that I just now am falling in.

But for every honorable and good deed, there is a price to pay. If I truly want to go explore the unknown and walk on the path Terence once walked with his brother, I need to pay that price and step out of the safety net. It's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to overcome. And it's the worst fear I've ever felt.

But now I see it clearly - that fear is the catalyst for change. In the same way, I was afraid back in the day before I took my first step in the psychedelic realms. I had just resurfaced from a one-year-long severe depression caused by a devastating breakup, and I was afraid that my life had no meaning and no goal. I was barely hanging like a leaf still clinging on the branch of a tree in autumn. Below me - a vast river of the unknown, with many rapids and white water. I knew the river would take me far, far away, to new lands, and to new experiences. It would cleanse me, and revive me. It would put me on a journey I would remember for as long as I had on this planet. But I was too afraid to let myself go. And then the winds picked up when I took that sugar cube alone in the forests. I finally had the guts to let go of the branch, aided by those winds of change, and dive into the deep waters below.

More than 2 years passed since, and I've never looked back with regret. I know it in my heart that once I have made the first step beyond the point of no return, and have defeated the first enemy of the man who seeks knowledge, I will once again look back at my old self, my old fears, and my old insecurities, and I will feel not a trace of regret. Instead, I shall tear up with gratitude and humbleness. The rapids I'm approaching will be hard to overcome, but that is my journey...To suffer, survive, evolve and repeat.

With the deepest love,
Nydex Love
TRUST

LET GO

BE OPEN
 

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Cactus Man
#2 Posted : 11/17/2019 7:42:38 AM
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I like to think of "negativity" (including fear) as like a trampoline, when its at its most intense point its also in the perfect position to shoot you up to the stars with a strong and sharp trajectory if you are prepared for it, if not though you cant use the momentum to your advantage.

"Negativity" can be a springboard to the stars, never forget that my brothers and sisters.
 
ijahdan
#3 Posted : 11/17/2019 10:30:42 PM

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Beautiful post Nydex, liked the quotes from Seneca too, good luck on your journey.
 
 
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