Hello everyone,

I keep wondering how legit it is to create new posts for non-breakthrough experiences and then I remind myself that people like me are going to wander on the forum and my reports might help them : )

So once again, I want to thank the nexus community, I feel very grateful that this forum exists : )

In french, we say "le mieux est l'ennemi du bien" : "better is good's enemy"

I guess we could say that it applied to my first try today.
After the usual ritual (cleaning the apt (it wasn't very dirty since my last try was yesterday!), showering, wearing my two favorite malas and my "satori shirt" (the shirt I wore during my most beautiful LSD experience), then meditate, I loaded 120mg of 40% dmt changa into my bong and... as I was trying to take the whole thing in one hit, I ended up out of breath and exhaled way too early. So I got to the same point than yesterday, pretty much.

I let the tiredness pass and loaded another 100mg in.
This time, I'm pretty sure I took the whole thing in two hits.

Here's what I can say: I felt like suddenly, a spiritual ceremony was happening in my room. Like "spirits" were having a ceremony in my room. And it was a fascinating feeling. Like, "woaw, I'm witnessing a ceremony among spirits". And the spirits were running over me. I felt something going on over my head, and I closed my eyes and saw geometric-pattern veils, even tho they were not as bright as they've been in previous experiences (I do wonder why).

I felt the usual tingling in my body and the ringing in my ears.

I could "hear thoughts" and felt something in the like of "who's thinking out loud right now? it's not the moment!" it's only after I came down that I realized it was my thoughts. But it's like they were said by somebody else. I heard "is this a breakthrough?" and I thought "shut up! don't ask that, just live it".

I felt presence around my head and my mouth, and I felt like I was taken somewhere, and my body felt very orgasmic, so I thought "more, more, I want more"... but I came down!

At least, it was a beautiful moment/improvement. I'll just load a little more tomorrow!

thanks everyone : )

Lovely post as always.

Sometimes a break is in order too. Maybe something to consider if you feel like you've hit a wall; try and integrate and then re-engage.

Otherwise I'd just note ur interest in the BT, and frankly, I see so much of my initial relationship/expectations in DMT were akin to your own. As if I was seeking some philosopher's stone, some insight which would correspond to the chorus of the satyrs, or the machines elves that I considered tied to a BT. I can assure you, all of my BT's have had nothing to do with entities, in fact I don't quite believe in the notion of a BT, only a magnitude of intensity.

Only when I stopped looking for this kind of threshold breaking venture, did I truly understand why the veil would 'be said' to open. Considering you know your Heidegger, I would approach the trip in a radically 'open' position, but would enforce prior, and to some extent during, a kind of focus on the notion of Ontotheology. In particular, the forgetfulness of being, and the way in which one carves meaning into a world; determines the first and purest causes, like the purest of experiences-- and yet it is this determining which is but one more manifestation of the entire destiny of the west's thought: a barren Mastery which by virtue of its predetermination crafts it's highest. Be it a being, a moment, an experience or a time.

Any mystery becomes for us-- a mere reduction to an order of being, to a quantification, a tally. This experience is then 'human', indeed it is anthropomorphized if the forgetfulness of the very hermeneutics is lost on itself (which it must for conceptuality is related to the unconcealment/concealment implied in the ancient 'aletheia'... bla bla bla.)

One must remember that one forgot. Or in a less gnomic register: One needs to be willing to make himself "other" to his own conceptual took kit, to his needs which are themselves the very tools already at one's intellectual disposal.

How better to be reminded that one has forgotten then by a stranger, a true "other", an alien, an elf? One who offers you something as if to say: note the act, the motion of the wave, not the wave itself. Note the gift, but only the giving, not the thing. For then one has remembered the plenitude, the plenitude of the other-- even in the face of the horror of being and its seduction. For this too-- is a gift.

Thank you Thrasymachus!

I do think I'm gonna take a break after tonight's try. It's a journey and I need to learn patience in all its forms. I think I'm not that impatient. I mean: I'm okay for it to take time as long as I feel that I'm getting closer.

And I'm always ready for what comes next. I trust life and I trust the spice. I trust spirits. I have no fear regarding what the world truly is. I know that everything I find scary is produced by my own mind.

Good luck friend.

Adieu.