last night something pretty amazing and very strange happened to me at the end of a 3g mushroom trip. basically what happened was multiple suppressed memories of a re-occurring dmt break through surfaced last night just before i was getting ready to lay down to sleep.

to be complete this story actually begins a few nights ago while reading joebono's rant about the bullshitness of dmt. there was something he wrote that when i read it it instantly stood out. he wrote about always not being able to remember the same re-occurring theme or in his case what he considers a horrible bad trip. he wrote;

"Why can’t you ever remember this!!! You always forget!!!” That’s addiction folks, a selective amnesia where I can only see the euphoria and remember the highs of the roller coaster and never the lows. No matter how horrifying my trips were, after I came down, I would still wish longingly for the high again."


ive been on a 6 month hiatus from working with spice after 2 back to back horribly bad and terrifying trips. i simply used far too large of a dose with far to efficient of a vaporizer and it was a dozy!
now... my memory before last night in regards to why i felt the need to push up the dosage was because i kept getting stuck in a loop. a repeating pattern of animated weird characters that simply repeated a series of movements over and over. this was partially true but far from the whole enchilada.

after last night i realized these looped trips were the only ones i was remembering and actual my non-break through trips. the actual breakthrough trips were deeply suppressed until now.

while on mushrooms i was able to begin to create very detailed dmt visuals in my minds eye while laying down to sleep. it started slowly first i was seeing past what i call atomic/ molecular visuals kind of like your an atom and how the world would look, and then the form i will describe began to take shape as my mind struggled to surface this memory.

the REAL reason i decided to step up dosage that fateful night was because i had multiple, possibly in the 10-20 consistent journeys that all led to the same place. it was what i have defined "the end of the line" the point that you just know there isnt anything past it nor is there anymore information to be shared.

this came in the form of the GOD Head Alien that dmt specifically allows the knowledge of and interaction to take place. very much like Terrence Mckenna's theory of aliens being not physical beings but exist in our world and dimension only as a wave function or more loosely, thought/consciousness.
with dmt the alien can in a way take a form in our minds of its choosing.

the dmt Alien God Head is a singularity. it is also of feminine energy more than male. she's has many many lesser dimensional "helpers" these strange folks all the other creatures and energies we see during spice sessions. although she is very much a love based force these other beings are not. they can be devilish, tricksters and a bit on the darker side. not all of them but a lot are. the twisted carnival beings so to speak.

the dmt alien god head isn't as much a "shot caller" or leader. its best to understand her as a football game, where the players are the creatures i just spoke of and she would be the playing field, stadium, and atmosphere the whole thing is taking place in. she is the divine matrix of the dmtverse. she is a force that doesn't control anything but nothing can oppose her parameters of laws such as the physical forces of nature that exist in our dimension, ie' gravity, weak and strong nuclear forces, and electromagnetism.

my description of her consitant repeated appearance isn't really relevant. i can see that each part of her is tangible yet also more of a working system than an arm or a leg. hard to explain because its very strange and dmt like, duh. what is relevant to this story is what i was told when i was allowed the opportunity to see her.

i was told that this truly was all there is in the dmtverse. there wasn't anything else that could or would exist. there was no point or reason to keep coming back here but i was more than welcome to anytime i wished, however it would always lead back to her. this wasn't a punishment i was conveyed, it was actually an accomplishment, and one that not everyone's sticks around long enough to experience or weren't ready to experience.

although it was a good thing it was also very sad for me because they were right, ever single breakthrough after that one brought me right to her and each time i felt like joebono screaming " GOD DAMMIT WHY CANT YOU REMEMBER that THIS KEEPS HAPPENING?"!!!!! there really wasn't any further work for me to be done with the spice, that is of coarse if this is all real.

there are other writers like Carlos Castaneda that speak of seeing other entheogenic god heads (not their term). for Carlos it was the grasshopper like spirit of mescaline he speaks of in "a separate reality".

ive always thought dmt stands alone because to me its 100% un organic. its not elf like, gnomes or fairy like to me its always been very alien. very strange and a little twisted, very mechanistic and far more advanced and complex than our known nature. it could be that each power plant or psychedelic has its own God Head laying down the field and perimeters for its own existence. when we take these substances the communication is then granted and possible. kind of like tuning in to the right radio frequency to hear a particular program on the radio.

sorry for such a long one. i really tried to keep it efficient. id really like to hear from others if ANY ONE knows what the hell im talking about? or has anyone had repressed memories surface like this? dmt is so subjective and personal its hard to relate to others experiences i know. its always hard to tell whats real and whats just a totally crazy substance!

thank you

I know what you mean I met Her too at 6 june 2010. Look at my reply in joebono's thread for more information.

I really can't understand how you guys manage to forget THAT. I met her in my second journey and will NEVER forget THAT. It's truly the End of the Line.

In fact, I WANT to go back to Her, since it's the real deal, unlike other 'elves'. I guess 2-3 more weeks and I will be ready to visit Her again. As a Psychology student with Freud-like ambitions, I have a few things to discuss with Her

well its not really like a chose to forget it. keep having breakthroughs and you will more than likely have zero recollection journey's, but hell yes its hard to understand why this memory erasing can and does happen on such monumental personal peak experince's. dmt is a very strange substance is putting it mildly.

i read your report,(very good read btw), and it seems your fairly confident as part of me is that this is 100% real. this all encompassing force. what really gets my head aching is,


is it real in the sense of taking place in other peoples reality not just mine. and if in others reality, then shouldn't it be in all dmt users to some degree? arent experiments like the synchrnized hyperspace evnts attempting to answer this question; are these things really tangible and measurable? is this happening and if so to what degree of reality can it be defined as?

i know im chasing my tail here trying to understand dmt's effects and what is real and what is not. 90% of me thinks what i experienced is an actual reality on some level of consciousness, but i have to stay tethered to the ground by always keeping 10% of me admitting that this can very well be just a very eager to believe scenario and that its nothing more than an explainable bio- chemical reaction within a human organ we don't fully understand anyways the brain.

Oly mon - I'm not sure how to respond to your post in it's entirety. I have never reached a level that I thought I could go no further. I have had periods where no matter what I did, I couldn't even get close to a breakthrough, and I've had many sessions where I couldn't remember squat from what I know was an amazing, mind boggling journey. For me however, hyperspace just seems soooooo friggin' big that I can't ever imagine a barrier, or final destination being reached. In my view it IS our consciousness, and consciousness expands beyond that of what we can ever imagine. Beyond (or at least as far as) the cosmos, imho.

If I were to take a very theoretical stab at what I think might be going on, it would be:
1.) Something is going on in your subconscious that has set a "limit" and you are not able to travel beyond that limit
2.) The spice is giving you a message. What that message is I can't say.
3.) You just need(ed) a break and an opportunity to return at a later date

Take those for what they're worth (nothing... Just my opinion)

As far as the amnesia thing goes, I have two theory's on that:
1.) Amnesia is designed into the most powerful experiences because there are some things that are just not meant to be brought back to this world
2.) The enormity and complexity of what we are experiencing at these distant reaches of hyperspace are simply not able to be comprehended by normal human consciousness. If we can't comprehend something, then how can we possibly remember it?

My tendency is to lean toward the latter of these two theories, but who know's... Again, I'm just throwing out some ideas that I've been chewing on with regard to these same issues.

Great report at any rate. Abstract, but I'm pretty sure I picked up what you're puttin' down. Don't give up. Me thinks a pharma journey might be just what you need!

Peace!
-idt

I would love to hear more thoughts on amnesia, please!

I suffered from it 100% of the time when I started smoking changa, and it irritated me to the point of almost wanting to give up. (I didn't ). As I've acquainted myself with hyperspace, my memory has gotten better and better.

There are even occasional times, with Ayahuasca, where as soon as she is "done" with me (this is usually a very distinct event, ending the journey), I forget it all! I trust and know that it's good, good things have been done, and the changes will be visible as subtle differences in waking reality... but, GOD, I wish I could remember.

I wish I could remember all the time.

Something (um... changa ) possessed me to write a giant mantra on my wall about the importance of remembering and mindfulness. I have to NEVER FORGET... even though... well...

I do recall that eating well and doing lots of yoga is supposed to help me remember, bit by bit...

THE amnesia.

as always incredible insight from you my brother. i have to agree it sounds more logical that my mind reached its end point rather than hyperspace. well maybe thats all there really is, kind of like we can only see 13.5 billion light years away on the other side of the cosmos becasue we cant see farther than light's had time to arrive to our eye's. maybe its the same thing happening here. i can only go as far as the limits of my consciousness.
as i think back to the journey's preceding these events they were getting so weird and things i saw and were told were hard to get my brain around. maybe my consciousness just said "enough". this is too strange and its not going to benefit you.


very interesting indeed my fellow idtraveler.

We might need a new thread on this topic, as it has fed so much into SWIM's DMT journeys from the very beginning. Like the whole universe came into being to prevent something from forgetting and the "anniversary" is coded into every level of reality like a hologram... but also a very personal need not to forget... what she *always* forgets.

I have found the same things in my psychdelic experience. 1. With shrooms I can remember past DMT visions, feelings, and the space. 2. There is a DMT godhead which is the end of the line. I landed here on my first DMT trip. Its intergalactic space visions and the feeling of having been there before, of being all with on, of it being the ultimate bliss and the true reality of being. Definitley the most beautiful place in hyperspace, very direct and clean. Alien is and always will be the best description, but one has to experience it to understand what Alien really means.