I should probably write this down before I forget to much about the experience.
Please see my thread regarding my Amanita Muscaria experiment, I did not jump on to this dosage straight away.
The day before yesterday I had 30g of Amanita Muscaria as tea, I had 1g Syrian rue before and I had some cannabis after I felt the effects.
I felt that this dose is probably near my limit as I was heavily sedated and slow, I could not focus my thoughts, they were kind of flickering all over the place. I also had quite strong CEV and they were odd and also very fast and was flickering around.
I fell asleep and had a good long sleep with some weird dreams.
Yesterday I got the bright idea to try 35g as a last high dose, this time I warmed the mushroom in milk with 1 teaspoon cinnamon and 1 teaspoon nutmeg and some honey. I had 1.5g Syrian rue 2 hours before my milk/mushroom drink and I smoked some cannabis after my drink.
I felt it come on much stronger this time, I started to get strong OEV and also difficulties with fine motor skills, I told my partner I was going to bed a I had very strong visuals from the mushrooms (she thought I’ve taken liberty caps).
In bed I put some music on and I felt this warm loving feeling, I felt great and strong and happy... very very happy. I had really different but nice CEV with the music, it was squares in different size and other objects but everything had hard lines and was very clear, no smooth edges, it looked like everything was super high quality pictures.
I was going to send a message to a friend and realised that everything I did had already happened, I was like a couple of seconds late to register things with my brain, and then I was going to put another song on in Spotify and my actions trying to unlock my mobile phone to getting in to the app was looping like at least 10 times for each action. I was just annoyed then that it took so long time to get the music on.
I decided to go to the toilet instead so I could enjoy the music and fall asleep to it if I felt like it and here is were things started to go crazy.
I stood up and took a couple of steps and my legs just disappeared under me, my partner shouted from the living room and wondered what I was doing, I shouted back that I was ok and that I just slipped.
I managed to go to the toilet but in there I fell again onto the toilet, I managed to sit up in the toilet and decided that it was best to sit down.
My partner the came and she was worried as this is not how I react on Liberty caps, l started to get a little bit worried but ensured her I was ok, and she helped me back to bed and I probably fell a couple of more times back to bed but I was confused and affected so it is hard to remember things in the right order from now on.
Back in bed I fell into a 6 hour long crazy loop experience with strong CEV and OEV, well I don’t know if I was looking or I had closed eyes.
I went from being completely “unconscious” or something to being able to look around and feel som kind of knowing something. I had some clear moments where I was thinking “this will end in a couple of hours” “maybe I’m trapped in here, what if I can’t get out” “I’m stuck in a psychosis”.
I had a couple of very clear visions within these loops.
I think this is the right order.
I saw a huge enormous being and it zoomed in onto the beings outer thigh, and then the skin was folded back and I could see its muscles fibres, 1 fibre string was open up and it showed all the tiny muscle cells, and I was one of the muscle cells working in one muscle fibres. It ended abruptly there.
Next one showed me my life from birth to death, it was a long glowing tube that was slightly bending as i looked further away, in the end the glow started to fade until it was black. I saw myself as and indicator a bit further up on the tube, I had a long way left until it ended.
Next one was horrible, I met and alternative me that has been laying dormant waiting, he/me was trying to take over, I saw or felt layers of me was taking off me and was being added onto the other me, I was going between being aware and then completely out of it, I sat and held onto my partners hand at this moment as I was afraid I was going to lose the battle this was going on for a while and then it went back to the loops.
The loops:
The loops was not thought loops it was visual loops inside my head, I was stuck in the loop until I had a quick breather where I could see the bedroom and then back into it. This went on for 6 hours with breaks for the visions. I was very concerned I was stuck in this state forever, I’m surprised I didn’t panic. The visuals was mostly squares with the letter L in the centre, and it was some kind of repetitive sound throughout the whole experience that I can’t remember.
At one point I was searching for something which could remind me of who I was and I was thinking music! I tried to get hold of my mobile to listen to my chill out playlist on Spotify, but I could not figure out how to unlock my mobile, connect the headphones and start Spotify. I remember my partner asked me if she could do something, I said to her “music” in my mother tongue, my parter asked me to speak English but I had forgotten how to. So I managed to say to her “need headphones” I saw the fear in her eyes when she replied “you’re having them on your head, what do you need” I was going to reply to her “give me the umbrella so I can listen to music” at that point I gave trying to communicate and trying to do anything else then staying in the bed.
I had one thing that kept me kind of grounded, I was desperate to go to the toilet and have a wee and I felt this urge when I was stuck in the loops and it sort of comforted me.
After around 6 hours I got more and more clear episodes and I went out on the balcony to feel the rain on me and this made come back to the reality more. I still had balance problems so I went back inside and decided to try to go to sleep. I fell asleep quite quick. It was now 4 in the morning. I had a awful restless sleep and still had strong visual distortion loops every time I woke up. When I woke up at 10am the loops were gone and I was so relieved about this.
Well this was a lesson and a half! My Ayahuasca sessions was a walk in the park compared to this.
Safe journeys
/Y
I am like a white cloud with no destination, I place goals to trick myself in believing I have somewhere to arrive, everything is a successful goal when I realise I have already arrived.