Where I am loosing track of the access I had to multiple accounts. But anyway here I am again. Hi!
I'm a keen follower of Dimensional Modification Therapy. Discovered DMT a few years back, for some reason I just new I had to try it and some kinda appeared magically. Whilst in my term on earth I pretty much have done most drugs, some more than once. Multiple opiate detox's, way too many hangovers, much sleepless nights. I tried a lot of things to suppress my desire for self-destruction, religion, 12 step, moving, yoga, macrobiotics, depression, anxiety, children, relationships, changing careers...etc you get the picture.
A lot of the mess in my post childhood life was a direct result of my thinking and behaviour and then I grew up and choose to live an abstinent life, which was ok for a while but then it was apparent I didn't need drugs to make stupid decisions. Anyway long story short having experienced more trauma than your average bear and not dealing with it very well. I discovered DMT.
There was a period years ago I refer to as the promised land 3 or 4 months where I had no desire to self medicate, my home was always tidy and organised, compared to the polar opposite of a lifelong chaotic existence, something had shifted and "Hey!" I thought I was finally fixed. Where I would have dived head first into too much nose candy, I had no such desire to do so. I could enjoy a moderate drink without the need to blackout and Most importantly I 'liked' myself, not fluffy post-it notes they recommend in rehabs placed by shaving mirror, to remind me you are not ok by the fact you have to challenge the self belief daily, which really reinforced my perception that I was not OK.
This was following an 80migs BT dose. Instant death, no cosmic geometry, no vibey ringing sounds, no machine elves or distant planets just death. Strangely enough I accepted this, a bit upset that I have some small amounts of cash stashed about here and there that my kids would never find. But generally not traumatised by it.
Like I said it was a short lived chapter of the promised land and I felt safe sitting around watching friends get wasted and their noses burned out and liver trashed, I sat and watched for a while and thought hey one line won't hurt, and so on and so on. Till I picked up where I left off and didn't feel too good, depression anxiety and isolation and way too much online porn which I seemed to prefer over the real thing.
A while of this cycle and became fond of the thought of suicide and experienced mood swings where I would disengage from life, people diet etc.... I'd have periods where I do small amounts of D and it would level things but I was driven by hedonistic self-centredness, so several years of dipping in and out of darkness till last year I'd been up all weekend and in a pub with some friends was given a very big roll-up, I'm not a hugs fan of certain strains, but as was off my tits and thought if I don't like it I can just go home and knock myself out with some pills and sleep it off.
It wasn't weed for sure, my experiences told me it was some kind of psychedelic, perhaps changa and later that night my close friend challenged me around my attitude and isolation and it cut me to the bone. I chose to listen to what she had to say instead of batting it back or making light of it.
Now 4 years ago I was involved in an accident, ironically not as a result of bad behaviour, just a shit happens scenario. I suffer serious pain and have limited mobility and chose to blame my quality of life on this. I very rarely had 2 or 3 consecutive 'good' days. The day after that strange smoke and stranger conversation whilst peaking, I chose to stop blaming my physical condition for my the lack of emotional and spiritual well-being. And I have been pretty flat line in a good way since. I've upped my game with the molecule and life is pretty good. Not yet done a break through dose again but I'm sure I will soon.
lol to summarise I see DMT as a journey its not a quick fix, but I do have a memory of my 'Promised land' existence experience or whatever to call it.
For this monkey it is a jump start, I have to put the work in, but with small dosing one I dunno every 10 or so days, sometimes more some less. I feel better in myself, not always a fan of the first 5 mins but sometimes I love it.
I have facilitated multiple experiences for others. My shamanistic abilities are limited to preparation, effective delivery a quick reminder to go and have a wee before and on occasion remind someone to breathe. I've seen remarkable transformations with some hopeless cases lol.
Twice witnessed opiate withdrawal with hardly any symptoms. I love to be in this position as It also means I'm sat still being quiet for 7 to 10 minutes.
I'm hear to learn and share and be part of. Going full tilt boogie breaking bad has been difficult with the kids around, now there's only one here and its old enough to for it to be safe.
If your new to this as I am, my experience has been it can change how you interact with the world and yourself, if you have been around a while you probably already know this.
IT really is a remarkable thing.
thanks for reading thus far x
ps I love music, can't enjoy dancing the way I used to. Really enjoy sci-fi recently watched Man who fell to earth the series and loved it. (a tiny bit of 2cb helped that along)