Last night, I had a trip with psilocybin mushrooms that truly taught me a lesson about choosing the correct setting and preparing my space for the trip. I had a decent mindset going in but I also believed that a good set could deter any setting issues. Boy was I wrong. The issue is that it was a set where if I was caught I could have ended up in serious trouble. I thought from my lower dose experiences that this wasn't a big deal, but this time I took a heroic dose. The issue was that I could not attend to my bodily needs (taking a pee, maybe throwing up, getting water, walking around a little bit) without attracting attention to myself. Due to the inability to attend to these needs I got completely overcame with discomfort and there was nothing I could do about it because I would have gotten caught. I got dehydrated and began thinking I was burning because I felt so hot. I thought there were things wrong with my spine, and various other physical health panics ensued. I believe all of this could have been avoided had I been in a setting where I could attend to all my needs properly.

All this being said, this trip wasn't without its euphoric moments and insights into myself. I feel like these more meaningful parts could have been extended had I been in a better setting. I felt myself being stripped down to a little kid, stripped down to just a primate even. I realized that my entire life I've always been a really curious person, always looking for new information be it in a fictional world or a real world. I always just loved learning and immersing myself into interests and other worlds. See, when I was a small child I wasn't that interested in other children but I'd spend a lot of my time on the Nintendo 64, in particular Zelda ocarina of time. During my trip even during moments of discomfort I'd keep getting random flashes of images and music from that game. I realized that this world from a video game somehow got deeply ingrained into my psyche because I played it so much as a little kid and the impression of it stuck deeply in my mind.

I'm not quite sure what the implications of such a thing being part of who I am, but I'd guess it is part of why I've always been so fascinated with fantasy, horror, sci Fi, psychedelia, the occult, philosophy, psychology, and other esoteric things. Perhaps the randomness and creativity in that odd universe of that game ignited an insatiable thirst for "the weird" into me. Stuff like coast to coast fm, unsolved mysteries, and ultimately- magic mushrooms and DMT. So in a way the same trail that led me to the mushroom started with that game, as odd as it is.

But there's another more unfortunate aspect to this realization. I remembered all the times the people around me would mock me and bully me for my curiousity. They would tell me I'm beginning to become a problem, that I was addicted and obsessed. That somehow I was wrong for diving deeply into my interests that brought me comfort and happiness. My whole life it's been a struggle just doing the things I enjoy... And it ties right into that environment I was in where I would be punished for merely eating a mushroom and exploring my mind. And it just filled me with sadness because I just wish people would just let me be myself and have my interests and let me be curious because it's who I am and no amount of bullying is going through change that.

Ultimately this trip was a tough experience but it absolutely did not make me scared to take the mushroom again. I plan to try again in two weeks in a good setting where I can attend to any physical needs and bring water and be in an environment where I'm either accepted for my tripping or just alone where nobody will bother me. While intensely uncomfortable, this time brought me closer to the core of who I am and so I'm grateful for the mushroom doing this. I feel like a few years ago when I was taking Adderall I really lost part of myself. I ditched the nasty stuff a few months ago and began taking psychedelics and I feel my true self slowly coming back to me.

Thanks for reading this. This one was particularly important to put into writing. Thank you for your time.

Thanks for sharing.

I can relate with your sense of curiosity. The sense of wonder kept calling me back to psychedelics, and the substances themselves seem to recognize that fact in me. The idea that these substances might actually be giving us a glimpse of something beyond is very alluring to some people, even in the face of difficulties and worries.

The importance of surroundings is something I learned pretty quickly. I had already known the feeling from smoking weed and being worried about being seen, and for psyches, that anxiety is multiplied. A good surrounding can help you let go, and feel everything it has to offer.

Where were you on this occasion? You mentioned being singled out for taking shrooms. Were you tripping around people?

I was high around sober people twice in my life—once in a situation where I actually had to talk and interact. I was so embarrassed... it really sucks. Stupid idea.
As much as I would love for psychedelics to become accepted, there is definitely a time and place!

Oh gosh, that must've been rough. Shrooms can put you through some weird stuff mentally and physically if you're not in the right place. I remember thinking once 'my place is clean enough' and then like two hours later spiralling into some nightmare of a trip, spending it triyng to clean up. I can only imagine what yours must've been like, trying to hide out and not show yourself. Which from the sounds of it, may have been a bit of a pattern in your life up to this point. People and their egos can be so judgemental. I feel like the ego is just pure judgement really, the illusion of separation from the all and the idea that I'm better or whatnot. Leads people to do some nasty stuff, and I'm sure we've all been there to varying extents.
Glad your experience didn't scare you off of the magic and you could recognize it was a failure of setting. Cause yeah, for sure, it makes all the difference. And glad you got to learn some stuff about yourself too What a crazy existence this is. Learning to let go of what other people think of us is key to achieving true freedom. It's a journey for sure. Thanks for sharing your experience, I can definitely relate like I said... Seeing 'normal' people when you are really high on mushrooms does tend to be a bit of a 'no no'

Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you gained some important insights along the way. I love that you already have a set plan for applying them. I'm also very pleased to hear you've been able to step away from damaging substances and begun to find yourself again through the medicine.

I'll leave you with a quote to ponder from Shigeru Miyamoto, creator of the Legend of Zelda.


Stay curious.

I would like to know what the setting was aswell.

Come on don't be leaving us on a cliffhanger like that

In the jungle

Concrete or organic?

Woo I can almost feel the dread at the start of that trip. Have been in similar situations before.

I will say that the adversity we experience in childhood can make us much stronger as adults. You have been through all that before so if it ever happens again, you will know it is happening and how to deal with it. Obviously, this requires reflection and processing of the memories of the past, which you did with the help of psychedelics.

They say what we are missing in childhood motivates what we seek as an adult. And you already understand your childhood and know how to navigate similar situations as an adult.

Kind of the outskirts of a town that lies in a rainforest. So nature-wise it was a good setting. But the manager of the property I was staying at was against taking any psychoactive drugs so that's where issues arose from the trip.

Yeah, sounds like that would be a buzzkill for sure Otherwise like you said, sounds like the perfect environment! And at least you still came away from it with a good attitude