Introduction

Hello all, I am new to the Nexus forums, but you can call me Martian I am a psychonaut, who began exploring and delving into the wonderful world of psychedelics about 5 years ago, and I have been overtaken by the sheer amount of healing and introspection I have been able to achieve through my use of psychoactive substances in that time. Through this introductory post, not only do I wish to shed some light on my previous experiences before becoming a member of the Nexus, but I also wish to discuss my first ever experience with the renowned Spirit Molecule - DMT.

It All Started With a Mushroom Trip

My first-ever psychedelic experience was in a group setting with Psilocybin mushrooms (1.5 g - 2g dosage). I recall the others in the group being so transfixed by the visuals and general "trippy-ness" one experiences under the influence of the mushroom, however, I felt something more profound than the general "ooh and awe" my trip-mates were expressing. I felt that universal oneness we hear all too much about... The wonders of exploring my psyche were beginning to take hold as I lost myself in the beauty of the orchestral music pulsing into my headphones, visiting memories of times long passed. Behind my eyelids was a space beaming with life and energy, unlike anything I had ever experienced. My body may have been sitting on the floor, but my mind was traveling to distant lands of bliss and nostalgia, and my connection with myself was beginning to grow. Little did I know this experience would lay the foundation for years of research and education, leading me down a path of exploring the effects of psychoactive substances on my brain, and attempting to gain insights into my mind for years to come.

After the first trip had died down and everyone had gone their separate ways, it appeared I was the only one dwelling on how this natural medicine could be used to explore the depths of one's mind, and I spent the next few years reading trip reports, learning about dosages and the variety of effects certain dosages can have on the psychedelic experience, and being fascinated by the detailed and thoughtful texts people within the community would catalog. This led to new experiences with substances such as LSD and LSA (lysergic acid-amide), which I will cover in greater depth in separate posts. Each new substance led to more questions. Each answer I found left me more curious. The cycle continued, and I decided the time had come to learn the process of producing fruits of my own.

Months of preparation and research culminated in harvesting my precious cubes that I would be able to use to delve into that mystical world for cosmic advice any time I felt the calling, and it gave me a much deeper appreciation for the scientific process. Everything needed to be sterile, with environments conducive to fighting off molds and facilitating growth. All of the different Teks that existed offered insight into many different means to the same end. Sure it was a lot of work, but then again, I used my time learning and preparing my fruits as a space for introspection, channeling my focus and intentions on caring for and respecting these beautiful fungi. With each mistake came an opportunity to learn and grow, and my process evolved into a passion.

The Spirit Molecule Enters the Picture

As the sands of time tumbled, the opportunity to experience DMT had finally arrived. After much discussion with another member of the community, a time and place were selected for the experience. As I normally do with substances of a psychedelic nature, I spent some time in the days leading up to the occasion setting my intentions. Many afternoons were spent breathing, focusing on the next chapter of my life, and what I ultimately wanted that to look like. As each day passed and the event drew closer, I found myself nervous. My trusted friend who was facilitating the experience sat me down and began asking me a few probing questions. Things like "tell me what the farthest you have gone into a trip has looked like," "have you ever experienced ego death/dissociation?" "What are you hoping to get out of this experience?"

"This trip is going to consist of a 50 mg Changa mixture, and should result in an experience lasting around half an hour." I asked a few more probing questions, but the facilitator did their best to not dive into much detail, as they wanted my experience to be my own, and was attempting to not plant any seeds in my head. With all of my questions answered, the stage had been set for my trip. The Changa was measured out and packed into a bubbler, which lay in front of me. "We are going for a +++ experience, and this will likely be a life-altering event for you. Are you ready?"

Before speaking anything, I felt that fear manifesting itself again. The fear of the unknown. The fear of the power of what was right in front of me. Was I really ready for this? After one last voyage to the bathroom to shake my nerves, I hardened my convictions, and the process began. My facilitator held the bubbler and lit the changa for me. As I watched the smoke being pulled through the percolator, the piece was lifted and I inhaled deeply, paying extra attention to inhale into my diaphragm. The piece was placed back down, and the smoke pooled a second time. I continued my single, long and continuous inhale until all of the smoke which had collected in the bubbler disappeared into my lungs. I began to count, my goal was 15 seconds... I made it to 10.

We Have Liftoff

I watched as the white wall in front of me began to spiral and what I can only describe as a cylindrical portal opened up in front of my eyes. I exhaled the smoke that filled my lungs and let out an audible sigh in the process. At this point, my head fell forward, my eyes closed, and that audible sigh began to reverberate in what I would deem to be a recursive fashion. The sound of a single sigh suspended itself, deepening into an electric hissing sound, similar to the noise one would expect as if an entire theater of people began chanting "shuh shuh shuh shuh" all around me in very quick succession.

Mind you, at this point, everyone in the room is silent. There is no music playing. There is no guide. It is simply me sitting in complete silence, experiencing the substance to full effect. The next part is still fairly fuzzy to me, but I vividly remember seeing pulsating grid-like geometry which would morph into indescribable shapes, and consistently change color. My heart rate was elevated and my meditation practices took over. I began slow, deep, controlled breaths as my entire reality was burnt to ashes in front of my eyes. The sounds I began to hear were that of an entity that began "inspecting me." The grid-like formation would move toward my eyes and would morph into more varied shapes that would evoke emotions of all kinds.

Words cannot do justice in describing the incoherent whispers and low rumblings that occupied the entirety of my ear canals. I lost sense of all space and time as I surrendered to this overwhelming experience. The concept of ego death finally made sense to me. I was no longer a person with a body, I no longer had thoughts, I was incapable of formulating any kind of descriptor at the moment, and I was simply along for the ride. This blastoff into the stratosphere culminated in an eerie peace that ensued shortly thereafter. The speed began to halt as my consciousness drifted into the outermost stretches of the omniverse. This is when the revelations began.

My entire vision was taken over by a soothing white light, and a voice that was not my own began speaking to me. From what I can gather, this may be a translation of the incoherent jargon of low rumbling which permeated my senses the countless time I spent in awe of the pulsating geometry prior. What ensued has to be the most calming and positive set of affirmations I have ever heard.

The entity which was speaking to me was feminine in nature and radiated maternal energy so profound, I have never felt more safe and protected. The first phrase entered my consciousness: "We think you are very unique." I felt the beginning sensations of tears begin to develop. "You are doing everything right. You are surrounded by positive energy. We are so glad you have finally come to visit, we have been waiting for you." It was as if this maternal figure had known me all my life and was so overcome with joy by my arrival, they wished to embrace me in peaceful, cosmic purity and warmth.

When I am in altered states of consciousness I tend to have that little voice in my head constantly telling me to enjoy the experience and try to take all in to learn all that I can. This can be overwhelming when I am so fixated on trying to enjoy the experience, that I actually end up spending more time worrying about taking everything in, than experiencing it. The voice chimed in, "Do not worry about leaving a legacy, for everything comes to an end. Just as this experience will end, all life must eventually end. Death is not something to fear. What you must fear is not living." With that, I heard the voices of millions of people chanting. "Your gift to bring music to this world is something you must share. There are souls in need of what you create. Share these gifts."

I felt the seed of doubt begin to creep into my mind when the mother of peace spoke once again. It is a phrase I will never forget, and it continues to bring me to tears. In a soothing voice, she spoke, "Don't let you limit you from your untapped potential." The tears began to well in my eyes, as the wholesomeness and peace surrounded me. I felt our connection beginning to weaken as the trip was in its final moments.

She spoke one final time. "It was so very nice to finally meet you. We are watching you, and we will protect you..." And with that, my eyes began to open, and I was back with my body. A wave of peace engulfed me, and I sat in solemn silence.

Integration

There is so much to unpack here, and given that this experience was only 3 nights ago, I have much to dwell on. In moments of silence, I hear her voice. I hear that low rumbling and see that pulsating geometry. I feel her warmth. I sense her love for all things and this overwhelming sense of pure joy which is in my heart.

I've noticed when I go for a walk and listen to orchestral music now, my eyes are not glued to my feet in front of me, rather, it is as if I am viewing the world through the eyes of a child once again. I feel a fresh sense of wonder. I feel incredible love for those around me. I feel the greatest sense of inner peace I have ever known, and I am very much looking forward to continuing my introspective journey, as a student of life.

With all the love in the world,

Martian

Very well written

Thank You Martian, What a wonderful post.

Welcome!



DMT really has a way of filling you with fear before takeoff, moreso then anything else I've tried. I've found ways to diminish it, but even after all my trips, it still comes.

It often makes quite the impact on us.