Before I become just a forum creeper I'll say hi and Introduce myself

I am here to learn and hopefully be able to give back someday. I have a long bad history with drugs, especially opiates. Before that I treated psychedelics like party drugs and mostly mixed them with other narcotics. I have been depressed most of my adult life and rarely ever felt any emotions. I had an apathy for life. I am glad to say I am clean from opiates for over 4 years now.

I heard about DMT long ago and knew if I was ever able to source it I need to do it. I managed to find some. My first two times left me almost left me feeling like I was violated in some way but it wasn't bad. My brain couldn't make sense of what I saw, it literally felt like a 3rd eye opened while under the influence that had a much broader field of view and there is always something in the corner of that eye trying to distract you. The feeling of astonishment and being violated led me here

Well something amazing happened the 3rd time. I somehow focused on what's ahead of me and not the distractions on the side. I ended up somewhere, I have now words to explain what I saw. It felt very familiar, like I have been there 100's of times before and I knew the place well but I couldn't remember it.

While I was there I got the feeling I should do something. It was almost communicated to me telepathically. I didn't know what to do but when I focused my mind and concentrated hard I got the feeling (telepathically) that whatever I'm supposed to be doing I am doing correctly and it was almost like I was cheered on to continue doing it. Time didn't exist and as I slowly starting moving away from that place I got a longing feeling and I didn't want to leave. Many more things happened but that really stuck with me.

I have read reports about it feeling more real than this reality. I understand that Hyper Real feeling now. It's insane and beautiful and really difficult to wrap your head around. Think I am still processing. The hyper-space lexicon put a lot of things in place for me.

Every time during the journeys I burst out laughing, laughing like I haven't laughed in years. It was telling me I still have feelings inside, they are there just repressed. When you feel these strange, intense and hyper-real feelings it's difficult to not have any feelings or emotions towards it. I feel like I am finally waking up from a lifetime of disinterest. I have much to learn but I have a renewed energy to learn again.

I also quickly learned intention has a lot to do with the experience. I tried it again the day after wanting to go back but I was greeted with a feeling of something is different and it was very clinical. I was in an examination room 100's of eyes watching me sort of morphing in towards me. I knew I had to process and learn from the mind blowing previous experience before I can go there again and that DMT is not to be abused.

I am glad to be here and hope to contribute to this amazing community.

We are just brains in a space suit.
Safe travels everyone

That was very very beautiful. Thank you for opening yourself up to us.

Congratulations on 4 years away from opiates! That's a big deal, and it appears you're doing a superb job.

Sounds like you may experiencing the self-regulation of the molecule. It's not that way for all, but for enough people.

That more real than reality, or deeper reality than this one feeling, leaves one grasping for words doesn't it? Something one has to just jump in and see for themselves. Welcome to the club

Have you started using any other entheogens outside of the party context? If so, which ones?

I too find tremendous value and reverence for DMT as it helps me with my depression also. I use for a plethora of reasons, but depression management is a big one.

When you say you were "violated," did you feel that something had entered you? It's happened to me in a variety of ways on several occasions.

Thanks for not being a "creeper" ( ) and welcome to the Nexus my friend.

One love

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I am currently growing some Psilocybe Natalensis to explore entheogens outside of a party environment. I have always mixed them with alcohol which I now realize should be a crime
I would like to explore LSD as well but the chance of finding it is close to 0. It's mostly 2C-B and synthetics like that they pass off as LSD.

I think violated was the wrong word but it was weird, all these things jumping kind of in me and out of me, it wasn't a bad experience.

It's amazing what you can see with your eyes closed and it's so vivid, it's amazing.

I'm on a mission now to find a way to extract it myself, hardest part is going to be to find the correct Acacia to extract from. I'm from South-Africa and the plants with active alkaloids isn't documented too well from my research.

This community will be happy to help in anyway it can in identifying and extracting. Myself included, though I'll be able to help more with regard to the extraction aspects.

Please be sure to share about your newer experiences outside of the party environment. There's so much more to experience outside of that paradigm imo.

One love

As another ex-opioid addict, let me say that you are amongst friends. As Void mentioned, the potential of the molecule to self-regulate is high. I also use the spice to remind myself that apathy and addiction are not a way of life. Did you take anything away from this experience? I find it to be important to hold onto the memory of the experience as long as you can in an attempt to integrate. I go through the experience in my head over and over again over the course of the following days. It does not always reveal something new, but in times when it is needed, it can. Thanks for sharing, I know that being vulnerable is not a fun place to be, but a cut never starts to heal until sufficient pain has been felt. And DMT can be somewhat of a AAA ointment for the cuts and abrasions left on your soul from years of mistreatment. I wish you the best, and I hope for your healing; on all levels.

Blessings, friend.

Thanks for the warm welcome, it's rare to find places like this on the internet.

Apologies for the slow reply's. I have been going through some really shitty withdrawals from the SSRI's and anti-psychotics I have been coming off. I'm tired of being numbed and going through life with no feelings or emotions.

It's a learning experience to cope with the emotions and thought rushing in at times but at least I am feeling something.

I'm not sure if this is the right area to ask this, I'll check after I posted this and maybe update to another thread in the correct section. I think this is something to do with being scared of giving up control but most times now while in hyper-space I don't know if my eyes are open or closed. They are closed but in the moment I don't know, I open my eyes and the world I see is something out of a futuristic cyber punk type world and I recognize the things I see but I don't know what they are used for or what I use them for. I'll see my pipe and lighter and know it's a pipe and lighter but have no idea what it's for.

It's really weird, happens almost every time lately. It's almost like I have amnesia and I feel very confused, forgetful and almost dazed. In the beginning I thought I'm still there with all my mental faculties working as they should but I only start remembering after I come back.

This weekend the weirdest thing also happened. I decided to blast-off. Packed more than normal because on a previous trip I had the thought that spice rewards the brave and there was no use for me messing with low level doses. I lit up, took 2 big hits as per normal. I felt the come-up, the ringing in my ears, everything starting to vibrate and then all of a sudden another idea came to me while some entity that reminded me of a straw swamp creature was looking down at me, the thought or communication was something along the lines of not tonight or not now and it was like I was back to normal after that, just nothing. Came up a little then nothing, basically back to sober. The amount I smoked should have blasted me off before I could lay my head down but there was just nothing.

I have decided that either I somehow took 2 scoops of changa that didn't have spice on it or the realm just didn't want me that night. Still super weird to me, I don't understand why nothing happened. Might be the stuff my body is going through from the withdrawals. It's been close to a month on no meds and I still have brain zaps and some other withdrawal symptoms. It does feel like I am growing and moving in the right direction.

Thank you for the warm welcome and making this a safe place on the internet to say things I can not say to most people in my life.

Peace

Well, yes, and no. Many here would say that the intent has to fit the intensity that is attempted.

Your lack of an experience is the instance where nothing happen could be a result of adaptations in your seretonergic system from coming off of those meds. It could also be "lockout" where for one reason or another, access is blocked to a journeyer. Give it time. You'll get back in.

The past few years, I have been exploring low level doses, only intentionally coming up to the point of sub-breakthrough (though a few breakthroughs have occurred) and have found that they have tremendous therapeutic value. It's a quick session, at a level where one isn't stripped of their entire world, where life issues can be pondered and analyzed in a balanced fashion. A lot of pragmatic problem solving can be done using lower doses. Just my experience.

For me, there are times where I can't tell if my eyes are opened or closed. In those instances, hyper-space remains the same it seems regardless of how my actual eyes are functioning (as opposed to times when there is some dramatic shift when I try opening my eyes, and I may not see what's actually in my room (because I mainly journey in my room), but it will be very different from when I was aware my eyes were closed).

As for the confusion, I've never personally experienced that, but it's not really surprising. The further you travel, the farther you are from your default mode of functioning in this world.

One love

That was really insightful. Coming off the meds messed me up more than I expected. Everyone in my life I told I left my meds is very worried, they think the meds is what kept me off opiates. Felt to me like the meds kept me from living life fully. Plus I was abusing Concerta that I was prescribed and supposedly I'm better when I'm abusing prescription meds, my family didn't know that but it's one of the main reasons I am stopping them.

Regarding the amnesia and forgetting. I have to tell myself right after I take the tokes that I just smoked spice, I need to tell myself it a few times otherwise I literally forget I am in this weird place because I just smoked and I panic a little not knowing what the hell is going on. One of my best experiences so far was just me completely surrendering one time it was like that and just going wherever it took me. I usually have a nice afterglow once I regain my mental faculties.

After each trip I'm left thinking what was that, where do these images, thoughts and patterns come from. It's really an amazing experience, really intense. I would still like to get the full ayahuasca experience but that will come when the time is right.

Thank you for taking the time to read and give insightful reply's. It is nice being able to talk about these things without people thinking you are on the cusp of a psychotic break.

I have to say from the few amazing experiences I have had it has had some positive impact on my life. I smoke way less cannabis, I just don't have the need to smoke as soon as I wake up anymore. I had no profound experience or thought about it, I just don't feel like smoking so much anymore. Same goes for food, no real reason but I just feel I want to eat healthier. It feels like I am growing spiritually and my spirituality has been non existent for many many years.

The mushrooms I am growing should be ready in a week or two for harvesting, I am really excited to take a "heroic" dose and see where it leads me. I had a 4g dose of some penis envy a week ago and I had the best day on it. Was just a nice time, one take away from that trip was that I don't want to work to make money anymore, I want to learn and do things in life. When I go into an office everyday and sit in my little office I am just there to make money and the worst part is I don't nearly make enough for what I am doing. I don't care about making money, never have. I just kind of fell into it cause it was the right thing to do according to society. I am really good with what I do and the company I work for now was lucky to snatch me up for such a low salary, they got me after I left a year long rehab stint and lost all my confidence and value in myself and I was desperate to get a job. I'm still thinking/working on how I can live life and make money doing it. It's weird, it feels like I am finally discovering myself with the help of entheogens despite the fact that I have spent alot of time in rehabs claiming that's what they do there. I'm sure some do but all it did for me was affirm what I already knew or thought I was, I was constantly reminded of what a reprobate I was, how much I hurt the people in my life and basically that I am a trash human being. They just kept breaking me down and trying to indoctrinate me that the only way to get clean and stay clean was through jesus christ. I don't want to start a discussion regarding religion but I really tried to connect with the bible's God and I just never experienced what other people seemed to experience during this time. Been like that my whole life.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and reply. I am really glad I discovered this like minded community and hope to get people into my life like this community.

I feel similarly. There are many who don't even entertain ideas in this realm of thought, and there are those that just want to use drugs. This community is very unique.

Between my increased DMT use and recent psychedelic experiences with cannabis, I too smoke much less THC content than I used to. Used to be a wake-and-bake kinda guy. I just don't feel the urge to be that high anymore and I have an increased reverence for that plant medicine as well.

I think that psychiatric meds can be very very helepful, but only if they are used in a way that helps one to be able to self regulate their condition rather than a crutch for it. Doctors seem to, largely, be over-reliant on meds to help manage a persons symptoms as though it is a cure for it. It actually causes more trouble down the line. According to my understanding, the best use of these meds (and can be applied to others) is in conjunction with a plan of limiting dosage over time until the patient no longer needs them.

Be sure to share about that epic mushroom journey after it happens.

It's great to hear about such dramatic transformation and growth and hope it continues for you. I love hearing that kind of stuff.

One love