Hello, I am a new member and would like to introduce myself. I spent almost a decade in school, studying philosophy and philosophy of religion before finally leaving with a ton of student loan debt and a desire to never return to academia again. I was never the best student, but I got by enough to earn myself a couple of degrees. After getting a job I felt lost and without a larger purpose so I decided to start experimenting (more) with psychedelics. I had done shrooms and LSD before but only small amounts. Basically, I had some nice experiences but nothing ground-breaking. About six months ago I started taking larger and larger doses of each every two weeks to experiment and these experiences have been fascinating. Recently I switched to DMT, and this medicine has truly captivated my interests, more-so than the others.
I think what I like the most about DMT is how mysterious it is. I was quite frustrated with it at first due to how difficult it seemed to smoke properly. LSD and shrooms are easy, you just eat them and wait. I initially made a sketchy machine out of an old hot sauce bottle and wasted a fair bit of spice failing to use it properly. I wanted to give up, but at the same time I was drawn in by the complexity and intensity of the whole process. I ended up really liking the machine and was able to have some fantastic experiences with it. But a lot of spice was falling through the mesh and being wasted, and it was hard to hit all of the spice quick enough to breakthrough. I bought a GVG and have grown to love it.
Just as a note, the GVG wasn't easy for me to use at first, and I got frustrated all over again learning to use it properly. I put 8 screens in the chamber and a copper mesh ball on top of the screens. I would pour the spice onto the mesh ball but every time a ton of spice would drip right through and gather at the bottom of the pipe. I tried putting ash in the the pipe as a bed to catch the spice, but even that didn't work and I didn't like the ashy taste. I finally fixed this problem by using the GVG sideways at first to melt the spice and get the pipe smoky, and then upside down (45degrees from the ground, not completely upside down) for the actual hit. Instead of dripping down the pipe the spice drips towards the heat and evaporates all the quicker. The ceramic filter doesn't fall out due to it being a tight fit, but I would advise caution anyways. This has worked wonders for me and I had my latest and most insane breakthrough with one big hit using this method.
This breakthrough was completely different in that there was no blast off feeling. It was more like an instant death, everything happened all at once and I completely forgot who I was, where I was, everything. I felt a direct transmission from 'above,' with some very specific and unusually easy to understand imagery. Usually trips are cryptic and hard to decipher for me, with a heavy loss of communication between me and the entities. Not this time. Everything was all-too-clear. I have a hard time trusting this experience for this reason. It seemed to show me my highest aspiration or dream, exactly what my higher self wanted to see. It felt so real. Unlike other trips where I felt like I was dying, with accompanying intensity and fear, this trip felt beyond that. I was dead. There was no intensity or fear anymore. I also felt a little bit of a struggle coming back to reality this time, kind of like sleep paralysis. I had to re-remember how to open my eyes and breathe again. This part was scary and at this point fear arose. I felt a really bad nausea and ran to the bathroom to vomit. Overall, I take the experience to be a good one.
I have also had specifically Christian imagery during some of my trips and have more or less embraced it, despite years of atheism. I see my recent trips as a new path for me, a way to try having faith and to trust in a deep spiritual journey. I was compelled to join a volunteer group in my home town while on shrooms and have really enjoyed giving back. I am hoping DMT can help me continue to change and branch out into a more spiritual existence.