Prologue
I had this experience 2 weeks ago. It messed with my mind for a couple of days, however I eventually reasoned with what happened and I have honestly never been able to process reality the same way since. To start, I would like to begin with my first real DMT experience which happed approximately 12 hours before I truly broke through for the first time. I had just successfully extracted my first batch of DMT from some MHRB using GordoTek, and my dab rig and banger had come in the mail just an hour ago. I shouldn't have rushed into it so fast but did anyway. I followed the steps of heating the banger for a minute, waiting 20 seconds for it to cool down, and then taking hit of 30mg. Since this was my first time experience with DMT (or any psychedelic for that matter), I didn't bubble it with water and just went for it. I was not prepared for the harshness of the smoke, to quote my roommate (who I will get into soon enough): "It feels like a knife sliding down your throat". Now, unlike him, I had never smoked in my life, while he was a frequent cannabis user (I have had experience with deliriants however, which lead to me considering --- and eventually---extracting my own DMT). My virgin lungs instantly went into a coughing rampage. I gasped for air for a good 10 seconds before I started to feel light headed, there was a ringing noise in my ear, everything was starting to look funny. I truly thought I had somehow messed up the extraction and was, in fact, not smoking DMT but rather a random chemical that was in the process of killing me. I tried to keep my eyes open, but I was giving up. I made peace with myself, this was how it ends; not as bad as I thought, a bit embarrassing though. A tear dripped down my cheek and drool leaked out of my mouth as I sat back into my sofa and waited for it to take me. All I could hear was my struggled breathing, as if something was clogged in my throat and was trying to crawl out. A black net of color descended upon me as I felt my soul leave my body. I found myself in a bright white taurus, also netted in color. I was only here for a couple of seconds as I realized that I was not dying but I was actually tripping. I panicked as I saw a pyramid form at the center of the taurus and I saw what appeared to be an entity coming down for the top, I instantly opened my eyes. I was still in my living room but something was different, everything looked how our 3 Dimensional eyes would interpret a 4 Dimensional object. This didn't last too long though, and everything cleared up within a minute. I hadn't even taken in all the smoke, and most of the DMT hadn't vaporized. The whole experience was not that great, but I was happy that I had done the process right and couldn't wait to share it with my roommate when he came back from break. I had had enough DMT for today though, I would experiment with my roommate later with water. Which is exactly what happened...
Lead Up
My roommate got home at midnight that night, I was honestly very excited to hear what he would experience. He was down to do it right then and there after he finished unpacking, so I set him up with 25mg. I was a bit concerned about how he would process the smoke though, it had sent me into a frenzy after all, so I loaded him up with water and recommended he take 2 small hits beforehand, then one last big one. This being our first take with this set up, it didn't work. He took what I can only now describe as two small sips of DMT which he held for 5 seconds each and a slightly bigger sip after that. He said he didn't feel anything. I was not sure what went wrong, so I rationalized that "maybe he needed a higher dose, we're all different after all maybe he needs more?" SO this time I loaded him up with 40mg, and took out the water. Again he took only 3 small sips after I was done dropping it in the banger. Again he said he didn't feel anything. I was lost, what could've possible gone wrong? Maybe he couldn't trip on DMT (I think we are all familiar with the Terrance McKenna quote), or maybe I had imagined it all earlier in the day as a sort of placebo. Perhaps what was a gentle smoke to him, was a harsh smoke to my inexperienced lungs and I had imagined everything in a panic. This night was not turning out how I had hoped, I mean I had hyped it up so much in my texts to him. Finally he suggested I do it so that he could see how I was able to experience something out of it. Maybe he was doing something wrong? I dunno... I decided to load myself up with 60mg, just to make sure. I hadn't died earlier so I doubt more would harm me. So that's what I did, I was honestly not expecting anything to happen leading up to the drop into the banger. I went through the process nonchalantly, thinking to myself "this isn't going to work." Like a child looking down a hose, only for it spray him in the face...
Hyperslapped
I dropped my 60mg into the hot banger, and took the largest breathe of air I could. I wasn't anxious, but there is always a calm before the start of a storm. It was worse than the first time I did it. I knew I could handle it but until you got a lung full of some of the harshest smoke on the planet, you don't know what you are getting into. I held it in for as long as I could without coughing. I looked straight into my roommates eyes and realized there was still a good amount left, he asked "Do you want more?", I just gestured to him to cut it out as I coughed like a madman. Everything zoomed out and the world literally ripped apart before my eyes. The last thing I said was "I am gone", which went from regular to infinity in terms of pitch as I said it. I closed my eyes as I telepathically heard "Welcome to the true nature of reality." Unlike before, I didn't feel my soul leave my body this time. It was as though I had waken up for the first time in my life. My body, my life, the reality I had know for 20 years, it had all be a lie. A figment of my imagination. It was sort of like dreaming your entire life, only to wake up in the morning. Except this isn't morning, this is the endless universe, and you don't have a body, you are a consciousness. In my case it was a lot of squares, made up of black, white, green, orange, and red, each of them onto of one another, each of them pulsating independently from the other colors, but in synch with other squares of the same color; on top of this there was a constant "wob-wob-wob-wob" sounds, sort of how you would imagine an anti-gravity machine to sound like. It was as if I was traveling through this new reality, floating through the universe, just a thought, wandering and experiencing. It was endless and it felt like I had spent an eternity here. Nothing ever changed, just squares and noise. Suddenly I started to remember the life I thought I had lived eons ago: my friends, my roommates, my family, my teammates, my parents, and the love of my life.
It was these last two that got to me to be honest. What is more true than the love you have for your parents, and the love you have for your significant other? No other compares, and yet it had all been fake. Everything had been fake. The truth was that I was alone. Alone forever in the infinite universe. For me it felt as though my entire life had led up to the moment when I took that hit of the dab rig, and that's when I made the choice to go from coping with the loneliness by imagining the reality with my parents, to the one where I was a thought drifting endlessly through space, with no other being in sight. Just as I thought this, a jester appeared before me, not for long but what felt like a couple of seconds. He didn't say anything to me, but I knew what he meant. I had messed up. I had taken for granted everything. There was no going back to my old life now, I was stuck here. I truly thought I was in hell, nothing could be worse. For the first time ever I truly knew what "Existence is pain" meant; if this was what reality was, I did not want to exist. I started to scream as the jester disappeared, " take me back please, take me back please, I don't want to be here anymore, just take me back please." As I said this I was taken into hyperdrive, I was no longer in awe, I was terrified. My roommate heard me screaming as I opened my eyes, everything looked like a 4 Dimensional rough sketch. It was like as if at any moment I would be plunged back into the world of pulsating squares. He kept asking me "Are you ok? Do you need anything?", I was freaking out. He looks like the green goblin almost, I kept saying "just take me back please" but this time it went from regular to infinity again in terms of pitch. I was panicking; the last time this happened I went in for the long haul. The ground was shaking and everything looked like it was falling apart, I needed my roommates help. I reached out to him, but this wasn't enough. I got up from the sofa, scared that I would fall through into the endless space. Even if this was only a cruel temporary joke, it was the most comfort I had had in forever.
Now, a quick break from the story, but I am not an emotional person. I have personal space and am not too fond of touching anyone... I am also not that close to my roommate and we only really bonded over the fact that I was making DMT for us to fool around with...that being said....
I held my hand out to him, he grabbed it. I instantly pulled him in for the hardest hug I have ever given anyone. Afterwards he would tell me "It was like you were squeezing the life out of me, it seemed like you were just really happy to be back." He asked me once again "Is everything ok?" I rested my head across his neck and sort of wrapped my leg around his (I am not gay just to clear this up), and whispered into his ear "Everything is great."
Soon enough everything came back to normal and I told him about my experience. I am usually a quiet guy, with a sort of timid voice, but after this experience I have honestly not felt this timidness again. In a way it has [so far] cured most of my anxiety. The only drawback to this experience was that, for a couple of days, I truly though that nothing was real. At any moment, or when I again hit the dab rig, I would be plunged back into the endless universe. Until then, I would be grateful for this existence.
This didn't sit too well with me, however. It was as if I had been given a lucky break, I hadn't been able to handle the truth. So I went back in the next day. I won't go into it, but it really helped me clear things up and brought calm to me with regard to DMT and what window it allowed me to see through. More than anything, it is a teacher. It may have been frightening but I think it was still a good experience.