Hello psychonauts and oneironauts.
I am new here.
I had my breakthrough yesterday, on only my second session.
My oldest and dearest friend came to visit me a couple weeks ago and brought spice.
We vaped it together and the results reminded me of a weak acid trip, but no more than that.
We have known each other since 5th grade (1970).
Last night, after my experience, I wrote him a note,
I haven't sent it to him yet, as he needs to set up an encrypted email address.
But I have decided to share it with this community because you people are THE resource.
From the bottom of my heart and the depths of my being: Thank You for being here.
Without further adieu, the following is what I wrote to my friend:
(long read)
So, here is my story:
I listened very carefully to everything you told me, and everything you showed me.
Thank God I did.
I was apprehenisive on Thursday, but I knew it was 'my ego...me' that was scared.
So on Friday afternoon, I decided to take the plunge in spite of my anxiety.
I set my place up (more on that in a minute)
Then I texted you about protonmail and went to the bedroom.
I had put a knife-tipful on the ceramic, put the GVG in a disposable aluminum pan on the end of the bed,
and put my little torch in the pan, too.
On the carpet at the foot of the bed, I arranged all of our pillows in a semicircle.
The intent was to take the hit, drop the GVG into the pan(so it wouldn't burn or melt anything) then
to lay down on the floor (you can't fall off of a floor). Also, the pan would be on the bed if I thrashed around.
I knelt at the bed, fired the torch, heated the glass below the ceramic to liquify the residue, then heated around
the ceramic til I saw vapor. Took a slow hit then put the GVG in the pan and laid on the floor.
Effects were immediate. I decided to go whole-hog.
I knelt again, and this time I held the flame pointed directly at the ceramic about 3 inches away.
This was just a 1/2 inch flame, not the welding flame you used.
I slow inhaled the vapor and only burned maybe 5% of the spice. Massive amounts of vapor and not harsh at all.
Then dropped the torch and GVG into the pan and laid down again.
Basically, I got my hit plus 2-3 hits of residue.
First things I noticed were 1) a pleasant numbness of my tongue, reminiscient of cocaine, and then 2) the geometric color patterns.
That lasted about 5-10 seconds.
Next, I was speeding past the 'waiting room' and the entities that reside there were left in my dust.
I went by so fast that they couldn't even catch my attention before I was gone. This also lasted but maybe 10 seconds.
There are no words for the rest, but I'll try:
Then...there was only formless awareness.
No time. No space. No me. No-thing.
There were processes that I 'watched' as they changed and evolved, but basically there was
nothing but infinity. I could not be frightened because there was no I.
After 2 or 3 thousand years of 'existing' in this formless, timeless, I-less, awareness, 'I' became exhausted by the intensity, and began
to return. (the stuff was finally, after several millenia, wearing off)
My first 'brain-thought' was that 'I' had been there before. The egoless-awareness state was disconcerting, but somehow familiar.
I have no explanation as to why I would feel that way. I hope that death is less intense, but I doubt it.
The only scary part was when I returned to my body.
I, ego intact now, was still tripping. but I was home. This is when I had the chance to enjoy the patterns. I thought I had pissed and shit my pants but that turned out to not be the case.
Then I felt myself heading back into oblivion, and struggled with all my might to remain grounded 'here'.
I could have easily gone back 'there' if I had relaxed and let it happen. But I was exhausted and
afraid I wouldn't be able to return 'here' if I did. In retrospect, I probably should have gone with it.
It worked, but for several minutes after I was able to move around, I wasn't sure if I was 'really' back
or just dreaming my house and that I would never come back again. Very frightening. Also wondered how many days had passed
and feared that my wife was worried because she hadn't been able to contact me.
In total, I was GONE for between 30 and 40 minutes, and I was still woozy when I texted you.
Over an hour and a half passed before I was 'normal' if there is such a thing.
Must have been a hell of a dose. And the Deja Vu of having done this countless times before is very strange.
Oh, and Dorothy was right:
"There's no place like home"
I sure am glad that you...know...what...the...hell...I'm...trying...to...describe, because I had to tell someone who knows.
Thanks, Brother.