PRE-CONDITIONS: Gorgeous day, afternoon, outdoors.
(mind)Set:Relaxed and anticipant
(physical condition) Set: fresh showered and ready
Setting (location): west coast US, rural, quiet
time of day: 4pm afternoon, sunny, outdoor deck
recent drug use: morning: 1g quercetin, 500mg fisetin, 350mg resveratrol
last meal: 2pm, light snack turkey on sourdough

PARTICIPANT
Gender: m
body weight: 75kg
known sensitivities:
history of use: 8 months of sub breakthrough spice use


EFFECTS[/u]
Dose: 50mg FB
Administration time: T=0:00
Duration: 50 minutes
First effects: 0:10
Peak: 0:20 - 15:00
Come down:20:00 - 45:00
Baseline: 1:20:00

Intensity (overall): 4

Evaluation / notes:

Over the last few months, I gradually increased the spice from about 20mg to 40mg FB, in a vaporizer, without breaking through. Probably because I was not ready and needed to get acquainted first. But nothing can prepare you for an actual breakthrough, no matter how often and how close you have come to it. Trust me, you KNOW when you got there. And it is as challenging as can be.

The following experience, to me, was as real and visceral and consistent as any waking moment of my life. The intensity and presence of the moment blew away all my previous “near death” experiences, in terms of immediacy and finality, or similarly critical and intense moments in my 50 years, so far. I concede that the entirety of the experience occurred in my mind and I do not suggest that outside entities or hidden laws of the Universe revealed themselves to me or occurred to me to exist. I do believe that this experience is a product of my own mind, even if it includes the existing physical world. But I do believe in an all-encompassing, unifying force, or forces (laws), that underlay, operate and regulate the Universe. Perhaps, our minds, in certain states of consciousness, may have a closer experience of this force/these forces, and even visualize its or their fields of influence and operation.

**
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4
Implesantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 4


REPORT


From one moment to the next, my human existence had ceased, and my consciousness exploded into the divine realm of eternity. I was still corporeal, and the world and the sky and the sun were there as well. But everything was bathed in divine beauty and the moment of my transcendence had become infinity.

Time did not exist, no past, no future, only the eternal now. I saw my own divinity and eternity and it brought me to my knees, reeling. I had broken the continuum and unleashed an eternity of beauty and bliss that would forever be this singular moment, this instance of awakening. The realization of this filled me with utter ecstasy and terror simultaneously.
I existed there for eternity and I came to see, that I had ended the human experiment.

By awaking, I had also stopped time, stopped progress, stopped suffering, stopped all human existence, for eternity. Then I remembered what I needed to do, as I had always known, in every iteration of existence and every fragment of creation. I knew that I wanted humanity to exist, to continue to grow and to flourish, and to reach the stars and populate the cosmos. I knew what my purpose was, and I started my walk to the place where I would lie down and die.
I was the beginning and the end, the essence and the divinity of humanity. It was my purpose to choose for or against the human experiment. And the moment had come for me to make that choice.
I knew that I had made my choice long before, unconsciously, long before this present, critical moment. And I knew that I would make the same choice, over and over, if I had to. I would embrace oblivion so that humanity may live.
I came to the spot on which I knew I would die. I saw that I did not have to die and could remain here, forever, unharmed. And my resolve faltered, but for only the briefest instant.

I banished the temptation of doubt and accepted the necessity of my own sacrifice.
I was embraced by the Universe and the beauty of the divine. They helped me to my knees and filled my divine soul for another moment, briefly, but completely. And I was ready to die.
I laid down on my back and closed my eyes. My body relaxed into complete repose and I took my last breath. I opened my mouth and let oblivion enter and erase me.

Ages later, my fingers feel the earth, rocks and sand, pebbles and then the warmth of the sun. There is an orange light in the vast black void of my consciousness, getting larger and closer. Then my lungs expand and fill with air and life returns to my body. I open my eyes and I am still in the divine realm, but time has resumed, and I have regained my humanity and my mortality. And I am completely drained and exhausted.
And utterly thankful and utterly grateful.
I tried to get up but was too weak to move. I stayed there on the ground and watched the sky, filled with the fabric of the divine. Puffs of clouds were moving across the blue vastness of space, and I knew that I had fulfilled my purpose, and that God, in Their infinite love, had granted my return to the temporal plane.
When I was able to get back on my feet, I walked a few steps, but had to lie right back down again. I tried a few more times, with the same result, and only after an hour or so, was I able to stay upright and walk off the weight of my rebirth. Throughout that time, the divine fabric remained, and only slowly did it dissolve, once I started walking.
**
I noticed an injury to my left hand and my left leg, scrapes and bruises, and I still have no idea how I had gotten them. I went to bed early and slept deep and sound. Twenty-four hours later now, I am still exhausted and only marginally more energized than after that first hour back on my feet. I have not stopped debating myself, if I should ever venture there again, if I should continue this path of exploration, or if I should be glad and grateful for my return and leave it at that. But knowing myself and the nature of the human spirit, I cannot imagine myself not going back and exploring further.

And I want to thank everyone here on the Nexus for sharing and understanding and keeping an open mind. Love and compassion are the pillars of humanity.