I haven't spent much time on the Nexus recently but life hasn't really been going well for me. Between dealing with deaths of multiple people close to me in a short period of time, health issues, an active drug addiction, as well as being bipolar I am officially at the end of my rope. I actively considered suicide the other day which is something I have rarely if ever done so it is clear I need a change.

I would like to give ibogaine a whirl but have limited cash and terrible credit. I could only afford the bare minimum clinic and would like to know what my options are. I live in the Southeast United States and assume I need to work a round trip flight to and from the border as well. I am open to ideas.

I considered procuring some ibogaine or iboga but I am not sure I am comfortable taking it along and don't have any friends I truly trust.

I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation. I really have no idea about how expensive reputable ibogaine clinics are in the US, but if you could afford a flight to Gabon and work with the bwiti indigenous people there and ask them for help and guidance that would be your best bet. Those people's entire cultural heritage and religious system revolves around the healing prowess of iboga.

I really hope you get the means and chance to work your way out of this hole man. Life is too beautiful for you to let go of it now. Stay strong. Change is on the horizon, and it's coming. If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, I'm here - just drop me a PM and we'll talk about it.

Sending you immeasurable amounts of love and support.

Thanks for the insight. Flying to Gabon isn't an option but from the research I have done in the past there are clinics on both the Canadian and Mexican borders and some are pretty good and I think they are generally in the $5000 range excluding travel costs but I don't know if prices have changed over time. I can only consider stuff in Mexico however because I am a Canadian citizen without a Canadian passport and I can't fly into Canada with my US passport due to the travel laws. I think driving over the border may be permissible though. Obtaining a Canadian passport at the moment would take 6 months minimum and hassle and cost I can't really commit to at the moment.

I know Asha and Rocky Caravelli, who operate Awakening in the Dream House (in Mexico)to be reputable, caring and responsible. As for cost, you may be able to come to a copacetic agreement through communication.

I'm guessing you're dealing with opiate addiction. That is a bitch. I have no experience with ibogaine, and what I've seen of it being used leaves me with an understanding that its only going to work as well as you do at recovery. I've seen people have a powerful experience, stay clean and then suicide upon relapse, possibly because they feel their addiction is stronger than whatever they encountered within the iboga-space.

If you go this route, realize it's not a magic fix. You may be able to outcome your withdrawal, but will you get to the source of your pain through it? That is the only way you will enter and remain in recovery. You must find and treat the pain.

In my experience, recovery was catalyzed indeed thru a powerful psychedelic event, in my case with 5meoDMT. This helped me to gain an expertsexperiential awareness of something far,far greater than me that i was yet an intrinsic and valuable part of. That alone was not enough. Among other things, I entered a methadone clinic, which is not something I'd recommend unless you have a demonstrated history of repeated failure to remain free long term of illicit use,but it's helped me. It's been over a six year haul full of work though to get to the place I'm in today, which is happy, free of illicits, and fulfilled. Addiction is a full time gig, so is recovery.

I put the credit forthat in the therapy, hundreds of hours in various self help classes and groups, meditation, volunteering, fulfilling work, friends etc etc. It's work, constant vigilance and perseverance, but worth it.

I've been where you are, it's a dark, dark place. You can be free. There's a few of us here on the nexus, you might find some like soulshere.