Greetings!
Knowing myself this is going to be either long or
really long. I would love for everyone who starts reading this to also finish, but if any of you won't then it's certainly not you, it's me, haha. I tend to expand needlessly. A welcoming smile and a nod from me to you either way
I want to share my fist experience with psychedelics, and at the same time ask for those who are a lot more experienced than me to perhaps help me spot any potential wrong turns that I might be taking either in my path of thought or in my actions.
If you want to know what to expect - on my very first and so far the single time that I used psychedelics it was a combination of mushrooms and DMT, with some marihuana to top it off at the end of the day. I also took a small amount of pain relief medication.
It likely sounds slightly too much for the first time. Admittedly not everything was planned out to the letter, but then again perhaps not everything
should be. All in all - it was good. If you are not sure if you want to continue reading - I did not 'break through' with the DMT. Either way - about everything from the beginning!
I have been wanting to try out mushrooms for a long time. Generally I am not a very active drug user - only occasionally I will smoke weed or hash with friends or sometimes alone. For a very long time I was staying away from it all, as it is difficult to find a trustworthy source in the country that I am currently living at, and I had no means to grow my own. A lot of what is in the market is either of very poor quality to begin with, or is tainted. In regards to other substances - I have no desire to even try out drugs such as cocaine, meth, heroin or anything of that sort. But I knew that mushrooms is something that I would feel safe trying out and I was open to talk about that with with my friends. With that being said - I was not even attempting to look for ways to acquire them. I just knew that it will happen some time sooner or later and I did not care to push the matter.
The opportunity presented itself when I was helping my sister and her husband with building their house. We spent good two weeks or even more on roofing their house and the work-shed, and preparing both structures for the wet and windy winter months to come. One day friends came by and they all together revealed the plan that they have been putting together - to go on a
trip, once most of the planned work on the house is done for the season. I was invited to join. Was happy to agree as I had no pushing business matters needing me to come back and take care of right away, I had time to spend and I felt that the timing is also right.
Originally it was supposed to be three couples and me, but some very pressing matters came out urgently and my sister and one other person decided that it would not be a good idea for them to come this time. It ended up being me, my sister's husband, a couple of which I knew the girl for a very long time and the guy for a year or two, and another guy that I got acquainted with just very recently but it was a person that tied in very well with the rest. All in all - very warm people. The ones that I knew were very close to my heart. A company that I felt completely relaxed in, without any fear or embarrassment to touch any topics.
We arrived to a country retreat house owned by the family of one of the persons the night before. It was a settlement in a small village the middle of the woods, by a small lake. Some 1.5 hour's drive from the big city. Once all of us got all the sleep that we needed we gathered up and began the day by taking a long walk into the woods nearby. Talked, picked some mushrooms (Chanterelles! before you ask haha) but ultimately it was not enough to cook up any decent meal for all of us though
Not that we were going to eat anything before the evening is well underway, anyway.
After coming back we prepared the table with all the foods that we brought with us, for when it will be needed. A little insight from the events that followed - rather coincidentally I brought some blue-potato chips that apparently none of the folks have previously heard about. Proved to be a huge success later in the day
After all was ready we pulled together all the spices that we have brought to see what's on the table and to form a strategy on how we go through the day. Mostly the choice had to be done between mushrooms and LSD, but if each of us was to decide to use something, which was the case, mushrooms were the only viable choice if we all wanted to get on the same wave. So it was settled.
A little bit about others - no one there was a newbie to psychedelics by any means. At some point in time before I was asked if I have ever done mushrooms before. Everyone was very happy to learn that it will be my first time, and to be the ones to initiate me. I felt exactly the same and was happy to about to experience
that in that setting, in that mood and with these people. I do not often say this, but it was truly perfect.
Continuing discussing the substances that were on the table - my sister's husband (let's call him my brother in Law) had a small amount of DMT. He had never used DMT (nor has anyone else there), but he and my sister have previously went to a Ayahuasca Retreat somewhere in deep Jungle in Brazil. Not sure for how long, but something over a week. He expressed a will to possibly do the DMT that day, but remained uncertain whether there will be a good will and good time for it that day. My understanding is that he wanted to see how the effects between the two compare, as the Ayahuasca experience was one of the very top experiences in his life.
No one else expressed interest in DMT, and he also mentioned that he would probably not be wanting to do it if he was the only one. Draw any assumptions that you may, but it was actually the first time that I have ever even heard of DMT as a psychedelic, aside from just being aware that a drug with such a name exists. As I have mentioned - I am (or rather I
was) not overly interested in learning about the conventional drugs past cannabinoids, in general. However. For some reason I felt that I might also want to do the DMT. There was a possibility that mushrooms will not work for all of us and some may need something else. Either way - we left it at that and proceeded with preparing the shrooms.
Reason why we thought that some mushrooms might not be potent was that my brother in law brought two portions of frozen ones. They were frozen quite a while ago, and on top of that they were accidentally thawed and re-frozen again. There was hope that they are still potent, but the chances were that they no longer are. Other stash available contained three portions of dried ones (so I was told). Portion sizes - I am not qualified to judge that by any means. I have no idea how much in 'portion size' it was. But in my work I am used to weighing small amounts of goods and to me it looked like a lot, at least in terms of volume. The frozen ones - spoonfuls. Dried ones - over a dozen specimens. We wanted to make sure that at least some of us will have the full experience so we did not mix the two.
Preparation - both similar. Dried ones were blended, plus hot water and lemon juice. Frozen ones - they were not dried before freezing, but they got prepared the same way just with less water.
Me and my brother in law were to consume the frozen ones. I was given a crash-course, the essence of which was - if you will get into a bad place, the most important thing is to know that it will eventually come to and end. Other than that - I was told to try and relax in both my body and my mind, to let it in and to not try and block what is coming. Having the setting in mind - a warm, sunny, beautiful early October day, being with the people that I trust - it was easy to do. Naturally, I was slightly anxious as I had no real idea of what to expect and what's to come, but more in a positive way.
It was not overly pleasant to down the substance, but nothing that could not be handled and I can not say that it was gross.
I also need to say that, at some point, I took some medicine from headache - Solpadeine. I had a problem for my whole life where I must keep constantly feeding myself/eating something through out the day, where I start getting headaches if I do not eat for half of the day. Once it starts, the headache turns to STRONG headache to nausea very fast, followed by my stomach stopping and me getting totally out of commission. At that point not a single type of medicine helps me, where the only way for me to get better is to fall asleep and then eat something immediately once I wake up some two hours later. The affect also works the other way around, where if my stomach is even slightly upset for any reason - more than likely a headache will follow and I will be done. It was gradually improving from teenage to my adolescence and almost gone now, but not completely. For one reason or another I am getting headaches rather often and I am yet to find a better solution than Solpadeine. It works extremely well for me and usually very very fast. From all kinds of headaches - from my food headaches to altitude sickness when mountaineering. I am chewing the tablets and obviously the taste is horrid, but it leads to some of it being absorbed into my body right way and it helps me a lot. In case not all of you reading are familiar with Solpadeine - the one I am using contains 500mg paracetamol, 8mg kodeine and 30mg caffeine per tablet, my dose is two tablets at a time (recommended adult dosage). No ibuprofen. On that day I obviously did not eat anything since the morning, it was already after noon and I was likely not going to start until the evening. By now I know very well the signs that my body is sending me and I was getting a hint that a headache might be creeping in, and that I will likely have one by the evening. I am explaining all this to reassure you that I wanted to avoid taking ANY other substances, as I do not want to risk any potential (bad) combinations with the mushrooms. You can never know. However on the other hand I could not risk of getting stuck in a very bad place for several hours in case the headache develops and decided to act on the sign that my body gave me. I also took into account that the mushrooms might be hard on the stomach, which is actually a concern in my case. Lastly - my body is used to Solpadeine since I typically do not last a week without having to take it, often up to three doses a day once I actually end up needing it, or several days in a row (I absolutely try to not exceed a single dose per day in consequent days). With that in mind, I believed that my body is adjusted to it at a level where taking it on that day will hopefully not be a problem.
I am sorry for this lengthy detour, but I thought it might be important to share.
I no longer remember the exact point in time when I took the Solpadeine (I think I also took only one pill instead of two), but it was either before, or some time soon after I took the mushrooms. To conclude - I am not aware of any negative effects of me taking Solpadeine on that day.
Continuing.....
We were sitting outside, the dog was running around.. the ones who consumed the dried ones were starting to trip and everyone seemed happy. However, it was not coming to me. It also wasn't coming to my brother in law, although he stated the he is definitely feeling that it is working a little, and that it is slowly creeping in but considerably slower and less than it normally would. I myself - well first of all I did not knew what to expect and what to look for, but I was not really feeling anything that I 'could put my finger on'. Maybe something, but I could not quantify it.
It was some 40 minutes since the ingestion and at that point one of the other guys remembered that he might have some more in the house stashed away. It took some time for him to find them, but he did! Me and my brother in law considered taking a second doze, but we wanted to give it a little bit more time for the first dose to kick in.
After it was nearly an hour in - I was still feeling pretty much nothing. We went and prepared the dried ones and got them in.
At some point we all also ate some dark chocolate - with the highest cacao % that we could find.
Fast forward another ~half hour - I was starting to feel a very slight effect, but as I understood my brother in law was getting it a lot more. To me it was a slight shift in the edges of some colors and lines, but really only very barely noticeable and only if I was really looking for it. I was told that one of the easiest signs is when you start having trouble counting your fingers, but it was not the case. I could see that something is different, the contrast between the fingers is getting ever so slightly more difficult to distinguish but I was definitely not experiencing anything that I could quantify to a psychedelic effect, not by a long shot.
I was also getting told that for some people the break-through does not even happen the first time. I was beginning to think that it might be the case for me, as I was definitely not feeling much different than normal, if at all. I was trying to look for some irregularities, but they were very minimal.
At that point my brother in law realized that the time is right for him to take the DMT. Delivery method was what I found on the web called 'Glass Steam Roller Pipe', small size.
I was not yet sure if I want to do it too. Was leaning more towards a 'no' out of uncertainty, and wanted to see how it will go for him first.
I sat him though his trip, making sure he remains breathing. Tried not to bother him except asking a question to see if he's at a good place, in case he would need some sort of reassurance. I was mindful to not hint about a possibility of negative. From his response it was clear that it was definitely a good one
I made sure he continues breathing regularly by syncing with breath and making my own audibly pronounced, really deep, but slow and calm. He did very well in following the lead, although I am not sure if consciously or not.
After it ended he did not say anything about what he saw, but after a short while he went for another go. He was 'with me' the whole time, being conscious about it and towards the end of the second trip he said that I should definitely consider trying, if the mushrooms are still not going for me.
Which they weren't.
I was slightly apprehensive, but not really nervous. Much like kissing or having sex for the first time - not totally sure what the feeling will be like, but expecting to like it.
I took the pipe, and I am not even entirely sure if I did one breath-in or two, but I remember closing my eyes as it kicked in. Was still very much 'there', I remember reaching and putting the pipe on the table in front of me as the bright geometric patterns started emerging. White/tiy touches of pink and red/blue/green/yellow colors, moving and changing quite fast. I was somewhat able to control the direction they were going by tilting my head and/or rolling my eyes, but I tried to surrender and follow the patters. It felt as if I was flying through it. I was always aware of where I am and that I have friends beside me, but at times it felt that I was drifting somewhere away as the sound became so very distant and almost disappearing. Not completely and at times there was something resembling a slight echo, but overall the sounds by themselves were quite exciting. Birds... there was also a radio playing at a neighbours house not too far away - I was loving it, especially the higher pitched sounds. I was very much enjoying it all, but was also afraid to open my eyes in fear that it will break the trip and make me come out of it. I later began playing with letting just tiny glimpses of light in through my eyelashes - all I knew that there was a bright blue sky behind my eyelids. It did make the patterns change a bit every time, I was enjoying it. I also asked if someone could bring the dog to me as I wanted to pet it. Touching the dog was I think the sensual highlight of the whole experience. I can not even describe the feeling, but the closest would be - it felt as if I was touching something infinitely soft, swallowing up my entire hand. It was beautiful.
I can't be sure for how long I was in that 'flying' state but I don't think it could have been for longer than 5-10 minutes. Really difficult to tell. However once it cleared up I was tripping on mushrooms already. It was as if before that I was standing at the door behind which the mushroom world is, but was unable to figure out how to open that door and get in. And then my DMT friend came over, KICKED THE DOOR IN without even stopping and stormed through, taking me together.
At first it was not intense and was only visuals. Light spectre was separating, some things were doubling or tripling - not by themselves but the colors that are making up the object were getting offset. The most amazing visual effect was looking at a cluster of Birch-trees. It was autumn, they all had patches of differently coloured leaves (some green, yellow), and they were all shivering in the breeze. Mesmerizing.
I probably slightly dozed off at some point, by getting immersed into myself. After a while I realized that my friends were all inside the house. I debated a long time about standing up and getting inside as I heard them talking and wanted to join the conversation. It took me what seems like a long time to finally stand up and go.
Inside was a lot of fun. We talked, checked on each other whether the other person is tripping or not etc. Some were emerged deep, deep within themselves. Someone else was seeing some sort of crazy cosmic rays, shooting past the walls. Overall - conversations were super easy and fluid. We were all on the same wave, albeit some higher, some lower, some deeper, but we were all in it together. We knew it and it felt great.
To me the visuals started dozing off in terms of the light spectre breaking up, but the colours themselves were getting more intense and somewhat 'fluffy'. We had a stack of 'Dixit' game cards - it was very interesting to explore the cards and we were passing the cards around and also sharing our findings in them.
The (room) space was also expanding. Attached there was a small kitchen in which just a few people could stand in at the same time, but now it looked like a huge room with loads of space in it.
Overall mood was great, no one was bothering anyone. Who wanted to talk talked, who wanted to sit silently and think - sat silently.
After a while we got hungry, started eating etc. It was also a lot of fun, including me refusing to share the smoked-meat mini sausages with the girl. For some reason I thought that she's a vegan and now wants meat, but only because she's in a different state! I thought that she would never eat meat otherwise. I found fun ways to deny the sausages without upsetting her, but she really wanted them and was very persistent haha. The next day we figured out what is what and had a good laugh about it.
As the time went by I would often find myself thinking about 'something' but unfortunately can no longer remember what. I don't think I had any life-changing discoveries that time, but I remember very much enjoying the free-flowing mind. However the real-world limits were still there. I.e. wanna go to piss - go to the toilet and don't do in the corner
Thoughts were rather easy to break away and drift into something else, but somewhat still connected to the general subject. Also I was still enjoying the sounds. I very well remember a house-fly buzzing around the room, with me enjoying the 'stereo' as it was flying from one end of the room to another.
Late evening was coming buy, and I was slowly coming off the trip which was the most interesting part to me. I found myself alone in the room (girl was napping, guys were in the sauna).
Time, as a concept, did not exist. All I knew is that I am in a nice room with a fireplace going. It somewhat resembled the house that I live(d) in, but as I mentioned
time no longer existed and I had absolutely no clue how much time I was in that room. As in - not how many hours, but how many
years have passed since we did the mushroom trip. I was aware that we did it, but I was not sure if I am still on it, or whether it has been many, many years ago and we all are now just living here together. 20% of me was kind of hoping that this is still the trip, and that I will get back home. I remembered being very happy with buying a good sound system (very recent event before the trip), but did not remember testing it. I felt disappointed that I did not have a chance to live with it and enjoy my music as I was very much looking forward to it. However the other 80% of me was accepting the current situation as the reality of my life. I vaguely remembered what I do for a living, but was not totally sure if I am still doing it. I thought 'I probably am'. I also thought about the other four people, and remember thinking - 'well, if this is my reality and these are the people that now live together with me, it is not that bad'! I was very much leaning towards accepting that it's now my life and has been for years. Here in that room. Everything looked so familiar, and there definitely were moments when I did actually accept it as
the reality - that it's now my life. And I was okay with it, although still was hoping to get the chance to get my sound system back haha. I was waiting for others to come back to the room too.
Others eventually came in, we hung out for a bit. I was slowly, slowly, coming back into the common reality and the concept of time was coming back too. After a while we went outside, it was already close to midnight. We arranged a line of chairs, sat down, and were enjoying the Draconids Meteor Shower in the night sky. I am not sure if it was indeed the best weed I have ever smoked or if it was just a great synergy, but it was extremely relaxing and at the same time uplifting. It worked absolutely wonderfully for me, and it seemed to be the same case for others too.
Report over
What did I learn? The experience I had while coming off the shrooms taught me something. Even though somewhere very deep inside me I knew that it was likely not real (I am very analytical person), but I was willing to accept the reality of that moment for what it was. I let go of the things that seemed very important to me (the damn sound system haha!), and was happy with just 'living my life with those four friends'. I am having a hard time putting it into words, but I do value that experience a lot.
I also realized that it is possible to hold conversations a little easier than I think it is, and that I need it more than I think I do.
The day after I felt great, but also somewhat tired. Tired in a "I do not want to do another trip any sooner than in half of year' way. It was a strong experience and I felt that I needed time to fully digest it and get ready for another one.
Thoughts about DMT. I began taking greater interest and reading up on it some two weeks ago. At this point I am not even sure if it was actual DMT per se that we smoked or if it was something similar. It was not in a form that I found to be described anywhere. It was not crystals or any powdery substance - it was a hard, organic substance. Dark brown in colour, resembling very small but hard pieces of twigs or perhaps pieces of bark. Turned black after getting smoked. From what I read the effects do sound exactly as many describe as a non-break though DMT trip effects, or some also describe their intense shroom trips in a somewhat similar way. Must have been some rather potent bark/twigs, but it also leaves me wondering just how much the smoking method we used was appropriate/effective and how much DMT was released from the substance vs getting burnt.
I do want to experience a break-through DMT trip some time. Would I do it right now if someone came by and said - here you go? No-way. I am having an extremely busy next 30 days, to a level where it is plainly stupid. All the important things are concentrated into the next month - yearly reports of the businesses, some event organization, some very important things to take care of in the club that I am representing.. A lot of work, some of which that I hate with great passion (read - accounting and taxes....). In short - I am nowhere being in a state of mind where I could relax.
After this is all over I have planned a shroom trip with a friend. Very much looking forward to it. I don't know if I will be also ready for a DMT trip at that time too. Most likely not. I don't think I will. In any case what's even more likely is that I will not have any DMT on hand right then. During last week I learned about the techniques for DMT extraction ans was literally minutes away from ordering some Mimosa Hostilis root bark powder off eBay, but then stumbled upon a thread here explaining the common practices of how it is 'harvested' from the jungle....
I am very happy that I did not pull the plug with ordering. At this point not totally sure where, and even IF I can find any place to buy it where it is guaranteed that it was sourced ethically and without permanent harm to the plants. But at the same time I think it will be an extremely tall task to try and attempt grow anything on my own. Perhaps I need to explore some more, but from what I learned it would be extremely difficult and risky to get any seeds past our customs.
One way or another, I hope I will be able to achieve that and extract my own DMT some time before the current decade is over.
/EDIT: please do not interpret the couple paragraphs above as a disguised attempt to ask about MHRB buying
THANK YOU for reading. Would be extremely surprised to see anyone still on this at this point lol. It was more of a self-reflection than anything. However if anyone made all the way through and if you have ANY advice for me - please, do not hold it back. Especially if any of you, experienced users, have noticed anything either in my attitude or my action where you think I might be slipping or did some sort of mistake, I am always very open to hear someone else's perspective. I will probably not take anyone's word for granted and will try to make my own conclusions, but also for the same reason if you are going to say something - do not sugar coat it. I like it better that way. Feel free to either reply here or PM if you wish.
Last words - PLEASE. Do not spoil any DMT trip effects to me. Obviously I already know what to expect - to meet various beings and entities, but I want to know as little as possible about it. Whenever I get to experience it, I want it to be as pure as as much 'my own' experience as possible. I do not want to know what sort of beings I might meet or how the whole trip may go, be it good or bad. It is probably good that I know a little, but in hindsight I wish I knew a little less that I already do. Some of you might probably say that it will me, more or less, the same beings that I might meet that others are meeting. But my requests stays, and I hope you guys and girls understand why.
As for what kind of trip it might me - I am not afraid. It shall be what it may. It will show me what I need to see, and if I need to see it in some other than nice and bright, let it be.
Thanks again. I am not going to proof-read everything what I wrote and I am only hoping that it is somewhat coherent. If something is unclear or you have a question that is not necessarily related - shoot away!
The following are all the personal details that I am willing to share. They might help you to get a fuller picture.
Male, 33, Lithuania.