Hello everyone,

I've been on here mostly asking questions about various extraction procedures and learning a lot in the process. Figured I'd introduce myself properly.

Psychedelics are fairly new to me. I've had my first mushroom trip about a year ago and I had the most smooth, eye-opening ride of my life. It opened me up to all the beauty in the world and made me appreciate the world so much more. I was tripping in my living room, listening to music and such, being amazed by the visual spectacle around me and thinking deep philosophical thoughts. Once I got outside (it was a perfect sunny day) and witnessed the sheer perfection of creation I was almost floored. I'm usually not a sentimental person but it left a deep, deep impression on me.

Anyhow, had probably a dozen mushroom journeys since then of which some had a very distinct 'theme'. It was truly as if the mushroom was teaching me some powerful concepts (not all of them happy and soothing, but important nonetheless) and I was very eager to experience/learn those. My later mushroom journeys lacked those insights and I got frustrated by the dosages. I'd take a 'large' amount of them and would something experience a very mild trip very often, wondering me about the actual dose of psilocybin in the darn things. I had my first 1P-LSD and LSD-25 journeys a few months later which .. were interesting and mostly weird, but had no 'usable' concepts for me to grasp. It's almost like I don't know 'how' to use acid... since I keep getting distracted by well... everything. I might have to try meditation in combination with LSD or perhaps I just have to push the dosage a little higher (highest dose so far has been 250 micrograms). Also been taking metocin (4-HO-MET) sometimes (for recreational purposes) since it's so mellow and of all the psychedelics I've used so far it's the best for still being socially coherent. Also the visuals on it are something else; often feels like reality is like a painting of some sort. Some moments/sights just seem tailor made to be experienced on metocin - it's just friggin' beautiful! Oh also had a journey with a small amount of bridgesii extract a month or so back - was mostly very.. dreamy. No insights on anything on that whatsoever either - dosage wasn't all that either. But maybe I'm not opening myself up enough to have real insights, I keep being distracted by visuals! (but I looove visuals!)

I also had gotten my hands on 500mg of DMT somewhere around november last year and decided to make a 'machine' style bottle-pipe. I didn't have a scale back then (have one now, else wouldn't be able to measure my metocin dosages!) so I usually eyeballed a small amount of spice and (attempted to) blast off with it using my (too large) machine pipe. Had some minor experiences on it (no breakthrough whatsoever) while wasting a large amount of spice. Finally made me a new machine from a smaller bottle and tossed my usual dose in it... first hit made my vision crystallize, second hit almost faded me out but for the first time I also took a third hit... well, this time I really blasted off.

For some reason I had put on some church hymns (I'm not christian btw, just thought it was rather soothing sounding) which, while I kept hearing them, started to sound farther... and farther... and farther. I can remember seeing rotating kaleidoscopes (the chrysantium?) and traveling through/with a beam of light (mostly bright light but with all the colors mixed in) and it felt like my physical existence was annihilated. Only thing I remembered was 'BREATHE!' and I did hear my breathing through most of the experience (only thing keeping me connected to my body I guess? Didn't .. 'think' of that when it was happening though). The music started audibly slowing down and the next thing I can remember was seeing some kind of.. operation room?

An immense feeling of deja-vu crept on me, like I was certain I've been there before and the entire thing 'felt' more real than everyday reality. Then the next thing I remember was that I 'felt' that there was some.. giant entity next to me. I'm not religious whatsoever but lacking better terms, it 'felt' like (some kind of) God? I did not 'see' it but it felt like I had intruded on something I (or any living human) wasn't allowed to witness. This entity was doing some kind of 'work' which made me feel totally insignificant and small and powerless in comparison. It was the most humbled I've ever felt in my life.

The next thing I can remember was that the beam of light/colors I had traveled with, burst open. It was 'bleeding' colors and light from the inside! I thought this beam of light was either (my) life or reality in itself. The god-entity thing quickly mended it (again, I didn't 'see' that happening but it was obvious to me at the time) after which I can not remember anything except a small time hereafter I remembered I had a body and I had taken DMT. I grasped the fabric on my knees and started coming out of the experience. Opening my eyes the entire room was distorted and moving and doing all the things that rooms do on DMT. Again, I looove me some visuals but I wasn't having any of it this time. I was so friggin glad I was back in everyday reality! I spend the next 20-30 minutes or so clamping my head and muttering OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OHHH MY GOD, like people experiencing DMT for the first time probably tend to do.

At first I thought I'd broken out of the matrix (due to the the deja-vu and operating room) and life was just a darn simulation. I got answers to questions I didn't even have and those answers just got me asking even more questions... Later I thought that the tunnel of light stuff/meeting god/seeing life/reality 'burst open' was maybe the experience of death/rebirth. Anyhow I was certain I was never going to be the same person after this and was probably a bit traumatized by the entire ordeal.

A few days before this journey into hyperspace, I bought me everything I needed to extract my own DMT. Which was very ironic since .. well, I didn't/don't know if I was ready for an experience like that ever again. A few months later (now) I've done two MHRB extractions and made my own changa, did some harmala extractions etc - suddenly got a new interest in (home) chemistry . I've been waiting for a good time to try out my spice (did some 'tests' with a tiny bitsy amount of spice just to see if my extraction was okay - and it was) but haven't found that perfect moment yet.

So that's about it - got spooked by the power of DMT and got enough DMT in my possession to blast me off for a few years. The irony! Waiting for that perfect moment to blast off again hasn't come yet but I figure that journeying into hyperspace is important enough to wait for it. My plan is to try some oral harmalas in the near future and perhaps smoking a tiny bit of changa on it if I'm comfortable. Life is long enough to wait for those 'right' moments though .

Thanks for reading my (probably somewhat incomprehensible and incoherent) introduction essay. Glad to be here!

Thanks for sharing your experiences, Remy. I'm just curious, would you be willing to share your age (or age range)? You mentioned having your first trip about a year ago, and I believe that the stage of life when one 'discovers', or rediscovers psychedelics can play a big part in integration and outcome from those experiences. It is my observation that younger, "carefree" trippers seem to be less likely to visit dark places and have challenging voyages, compared to older folks who might be carrying around a lot of baggage and sitting on a mountain of shit that they have spent decades trying to keep a lid on. This is only anecdotal, and not based on any solid research that I have done or read about.

I ask because I am now officially "middle aged" and although I consider myself a relatively experienced psychonaut, having years of trips under my belt, I am a little nervous about DMT. Cautiously optimistic that the end result will be positive, but with a healthy suspicion all the same.


So...are you in fact the same person? How has the trauma affected you? How long did it take you to recover, and what was the impact of your DMT experience on your closest relations (significant others/kids/family) if any?

Thanks again for contributing to the community!
C_V

Thanks for your reply cascadia!

I'm in my early 30's right now. It's very interesting you mention that older trippers might have more 'baggage' so to speak which could indeed make for more difficult trips, depending on their life experience. Now I do have to mention that, I believe that I don't have a lot of things in my past that I'm keeping a lid on/have purposefully forgotten. Well, surely there is some stuff (I'm just a puny human after all!) but I haven't had any trips so far (in my ~20 experiences using mushrooms, LSD, metocin, mescalin or DMT) dealing with personal issues. My darker experiences tend to go more in the direction of coping with life itself and not living life (and having lived it) to its fullest potential.

While I mentioned that I thought I'd never be the same again after my blastoff - this was 'merely' the impression I had immediately after the experience. I must say now, months later, I don't think all that much back to the experience and I can easily reminisce about it without getting anxious. In the first couple of days/weeks after the trip I did have some kind of anxiety thinking back on it.. just because it was way more intense and profound that I could've imagined.

I don't have a significant other or kids but do work in a 'social' environment. And having thought a lot about 'going back', I do take care not 'return' on the evening before a work day. I did that the last time and I certainly was very.. distracted (and sort of alienated) on work the day after. Now I was very fortunate to have a colleague who has experience using Ayahuasca to whom I could freely speak about what happened.. that did seem to comfort me a lot. So that might be a tip if you're worried about the integration period. Now there's the friendly folks on the nexus too of course but I feel more at ease talking face-to-face with someone in this regard.

The experience is fairly integrated by now (considering I've been wanting to go back) but I'm not in a hurry by any means. There's probably not a weekend that I don't think about blasting off again but I'm often tired/occupied in some other way/not in the right 'mood' etc. So I'm just waiting , might blast off next week, next month or in a few years; I have no idea.

The main consensus on the nexus seems to be that it's a good idea to start with a low dosage and work your way up from there. The technique for vaping spice is also quite tricky so it's not guaranteed that you'll immediately get some sort of profound experience. But my first trips with bad vaping technique/low dosages did give me a sense of the immense body load, the short duration etc. so it did prepare me for my eventual blastoff (but didn't prepare me for having a 'breakthrough'; but nothing probably will!).

I'm very cautious to recommend any psychedelic (especially DMT) to anybody but since you're probably more experienced (in most psychedelics) than myself so you know the beauty, serenity and wonder these things can offer you.. having said that, if you're anything like me, you already know that you will eventually take the leap. The only advice I can give you is to bide your time and do away with any preconceptions once you put your lighter to the spice.

good luck and be safe!