Sitting on the cusp of another birthday my time on earth just got another year shorter. Am I doing good? Am I being kind?
Death, I think about you a lot and where will I be when we meet? Will I get to see/be with my dogs again? I'd like to think so. I was lucky enough to get a visit from my Dixie Belle that had recently passed and, she let me know that since I took such good care of her she was allowed to come and tell me that we are all connected and part of a combined consciousness and we would be at peace when we die. She also let me know that even though we are all connected, we get to keep our memories and sense of self.(years later I would discover the art of Alex Grey and his net of being IS the combined consciousness I was told about. Imagine seeing what you were told about by your dead dog in artform!)
Enter DMT: Was gifted my first try of spice about 2 years later. Picked a close friend that was of like mind and set our time. I had never heard about set and setting but was wise enough to do a little prep. It didn't help much as My roommate was talking and bringing me back to the real. With all the strength I could muster under the power of 25ish mg I yelled, "You guys are ruining it!" It got them to shut up but it was almost over by then. I got to see fantastic shapes and machine working gears, swirling checkerboard patterns galore but, I didn't break through. I felt like it was just another drug and yet why did it keep calling me? Why cant I stop thinking about it? why do I smell DMT everywhere I go? The research began!
A few months later and now Ive got Dmt from 2 diff extractions and multiple types of re-exing with diff solvents and yet Im still trying to figure out the first batch. Ive taken a few dozen trips over the last few months and tried to beakthrough 3 times. On my last try my body couldn't handle the load so I just blacked out. Ive been to the stained glass domed room. I have met entities in the folding patterns of colors and eyes and it seems they like to tease me and are the highlights so far. They sort of fold in and out of the matrix of colors and I can hear their thoughts. The auditory noises of blips and pong sounds are very circus like and always make me feel good. Ive learned that these entities like when the spice is treated as a sacrament and not a drug and knowing this, saying a prayer to the entities really helps the exp. Now whenever I have pre-flight anxiety I ask the entities for their guidance and protection as they are now angels to me.
My most memorable trip was when I saw Quetzalcoatl. my path that lay before me began to form into a purple dragon of Mayan design, it was so scary that I yelled out "Go away!" and it shattered into a million pieces. I immediately searched the internet for the meaning of this purple dragon and found out it was Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent, protector of the innocent. I look forward to seeing him again and wont be scared this time. Another memorable moment was when I tried Harmalas sublingual with some vaped spice in my GVG. I felt my 3 eye buzzing so hard to the point it filled my whole body with a vibration, as I moved my head I could alter the vibrations tone a little. Once again an internet search combed out Kundalini.
So it seems my whole life has been me getting bits of the picture then, BAM! the bits become true. After seeing the movie, Inner worlds, Outer worlds'" Im convinced that I was shown DMT at this point in my life so I can overcome my fear of death and, get some knowledge that would pacify my racing mind with enough bits to have what I think happens when we die be enough to comfort my mind.
Birthday is a few weeks away and Ill be trying to breakthrough once again. I'll have no expectations as I know Im finally on the right path. I have a stronger connection to the source that, I look forward to increasing over the next year. wish me luck!
"It may be that my role in the universe is, to question my role in the universe."