Before heading out to party on dec31, I decided to partake of my last remaining 19 mg's of my batch of spice. New year, new batch, and all that.

So I put it in my new semi-DIY balloon vaporizer setup... I'm still dialing it in, but I got good enough efficiency, getting most of the spice in a partly inflated balloon with around 3 lungfuls of vapor. I got a really powerful accelerating sensation, and closed my eyes, but I was greeted with a kinda-dark, dirty-looking folding pattern, all dark browns and brownish greens and reddish browns and stuff. It felt wrong and a little frightening.

I was thinking that it was probably good that I didn't have a breakthrough dose left, this would be a pretty shit breakthrough. Then the pattern folded itself into a 3-dimensional space, still retaining the organic-dirty-shitty character, and the shape of a human heart formed in the center, with the same low-light, 'necrotic' feel. Then the regret set in, 'why exactly did I think it was a good idea to use DMT right now'. The heart was replaced by a very stylized, very simplistic 'green man' face. (Green man as in 'foliate head' / 'plant being', not 'bug-eyed Martian'. )

It wasn't really an entity contact, I only felt a very vague presence, or presences... But I did find myself suddenly being 'contacted' by a different level or layer by my own self, essentially asking me why I'm doing this to myself. It wasn't about smoalking DMT, but making myself feel horrible, shutting out the beauty of the world, stopping myself from being active and happy out of fear... And I was like 'hey yea, why'...

I vaporized what was left in the bowl and smoked it, which gave me a really nice vibrating body high, and I went to the bathroom to take a bath, because why not. The shadow was gone, and everything seemed really pristine and nice. This was accompanied with very strong pareidolia, noticing faces in all kinds of random shapes and forms around me, kinda how it was when I was 5 years old.

I'm not saying I was fully able to integrate the experience and bring the 'freeing of myself' over into my fully waking state, but it was a really good pointer as to what I should be looking and aiming for.