In my late teens I went to a lot of raves and took any substance that came my way just for the experience, I stopped everything in my early 20s and stuck with bud. I didn't have the desire to grow and learn about my inner self and spirituality back then as I do now.

I just wanted to have fun and experience new things but now as a 34 year old man with a Family and career I have this urge that popped up a few months ago to start exploring myself.

I've been interested in and love shows like ancient aliens (as repetitive as it can be) and also night sky watching and ancient cultures and their spirituality and way of communication with (gods) or entities. I've done so much reading on meditation and remote viewing, tried to communicate in my mind to some of the orbs I see in the night sky but never anything, no luck and no communication.

I started looking for some psychedelics for the wife and self to take to have a bonding and spiritual experience together and stumbled upon DMT and the world of alkaloids and entheogens.

My goal is to learn about myself, my inner self, spirituality and to hopefully meet and communicate with other beings from this dimension or others as well as fix any mental disorders my wife or myself might have. To learn all I can about everything...

I am finally doing all this for the right reasons IMO and really hope to achieve what i'm looking for safely and pleasurably

Welcome to the forums, I'm a fairly new member myself. Your story sounds (kind of) similar to mine, although it took me a little while longer to figure out the best use for psychedelics is self-exploration, enlightenment and self-improvement.

I first tried DMT a few months back and it honestly changed my view of everything. I find it truly miraculous.

Good luck on your journey, if you approach DMT with the right intention it can be so rewarding, as i am sure you will find out (or have found out already?). Best wishes and much love.

Hey Hotspur922,

It sounds like you have good intentions at heart.

Be sure to leave room for other people to grow around you. Once you start digging into the DMT realm, we often want to express our experiences to folks who cannot relate. The nexus is a great place to discuss any sort of ideas or concepts, or just gather opinions about a specific experience.

I try not to have too many expectations of entities. Often, they just were a product of the experience, but not something that I had intentionally set out to find.... Not always. LOL.

I was very curious about the "spirit realm" and learned a lot of interesting things.

If you do have certain mental disorders, sometimes psychedelics can help, and other times they can make matters worse. It really depends heavily on the person. I'd assess with your doc and make sure that they won't interfere with any of your medications (if you take any).

I wish you the best, as you travel through the world of DMT and other psychedelics. As we've said before, the earlier years may have been the wrong reasons... But in time we find a reason worth revisiting.

Take Care!
ACY

I've now used DMT about 5 times and each time a different experience.
This last saturday I had an exp on about prob 60 to 80mg that changed me.

The moment I shut my eyes all of me, myself and my being disintegrated into a checkered black hole and I couldn't even muster any thoughts, all I heard was an echo of my mind going huh? what? whoa... i remember me being like a folded piece of paper, my reality was the paper and it was unfolding and unfolding so fast and violent, I was literally terrified and petrified, it had felt like it would never end. I thought to myself at one point if this ever stops i'll never use it again LOL. I thought of my daughter and then after it got so mentally stressing i was like fuck it whatever happens, happens, I then feel myself gulp and my head turn on the bed and I melted into the bed again but this time I was in a clearer more calm place and saw some nice fractals, black and white... while I was unfolding I kept on seeing these Egyptian builders look at me but when I turned my vision towards them they wouldnt have a head and would turn their nonexistent head to their left and make a hieroglyph pose... headless... it was scary and confusing.

once I regained a little control over my body I felt for my wife and I opened my eyes, still very much tripping hard visually, like LSD the room was breathing heavy like it was alive. My wife noticed me feeling for her and comforted me and I just started to cry for a good 10 to 15 min I was terrified yet happy I was still alive and it ended.

she asked me "never doing this again huh" and I kindly said back "of course I am" this has been the scariest exp I've had but I feel it taught me I'm not in control and not to freak out and let go and let it all happen and just be...

also, I myself am not on any medication but I feel we all have our issues to work on.

Yes, this explains what I should do with my intentions, I found DMT, through the wrong path (being using drugs to just get high) and should not use DMT just to get high, because DMT isn’t really something you do to “just get high” you use DMT, to find yourself. But how at 18, am I supposed to try to find myself, when I haven’t lived long enough to know who I am without DMT first. I like the idea you have about going from tons of drugs, to just weed, ima stick with my ganja for the time being, and accept myself before i go changing my perception of who I am.

I think being 18 years old and having the perspective you do about your drug use is pretty mature and I also agree that being just 18 years old you have yet lived a life in need of exploration but that should not stop you if you feel the calling to even just try DMT once or twice, you can still learn from DMT or learn about yourself from DMT...

If you do feel you need a little more growing to do before you start your journey with DMT then do so, stick with bud and other natural sources of stimulants IMO....

do you have any exp with psychedelics? LSD or shrooms?

Again, if you feel like you've done "enough" already and feel you need a break and just wanna stick with bud then that is a great idea indeed but I must tell you that things like lsd and mushrooms are a great way to learn about yourself and have some fun while doing so as long as you do it responsibly and safely.

That feeling that you expressed is so striking and familiar. In some of my earlier experiences, I had a few different experiences that had Egyptian themes.... And the black and white checkered intro - I've gone through that a few times, myself. You've read at least one of my trip reports, so you know that they can be nutty. The fear and joy (and confusion) factors are often present in these profound experiences.

Do you happen to remember the number of Egyptian builders that you saw? Was it a large number or.... maybe like 4?

I often encountered 4 faceless "entities" - though I've not seen them for quite some time. It seems that they've either lost interest, or I've lost interest, or the part of my being that operates their manifestation has been deactivated/corrupted. Prior to their absence, my wife began to see them. However, I had never told her about them - but one day, she took some harmalas and LSA, a combo she'd taken before. She wondered off for a while, I think to lay on the bed or in the hammock. A few minutes later, she came back to me with a concerned look, but maintaining composure. I asked if everything was ok. She just said, "Who are the 4 shadow figures with no faces?" Shocked that she'd seen them, I just tried to play it off as, "Ahh, yeah, they pop up every now and then, don't be too worried about them." Apparently, they remained near her all night. She was a little spooked... Who are they? I am not sure. I've got speculations, but that's about it. The weird thing was: on occasion, we would see them while we were perfectly sober.....


However I also had many experiences with all KINDS of different themes. Once, I found myself among "Buddha," "Jesus," and "Mohammad" - though I do not commit to any of those religions (I do not affiliate with any of the past or present religions). We sat in a circle and talked about some things; it was a very interesting experience. They said that they were all related. They said that we are all related. However, people often fail to relate. They said a lot of things. Many things - I don't know that the world is ready to hear, but when it's time to be heard, I'm sure they will find a voice to relay the message.



I have also had an experience where I found myself in a space that seemed to be a void with a blue body crouched in a fetal position. I had no body and recognized myself (simultaneously from first and third person perspective) as a "floating green orb." Something prompted me to embody the being, and I passed into it's mid back, then through the neck and residing in the head. As I did, I lost the perspective that I had when I was the orb, and I was in the perspective of this blue being - again, both first and third person perspective.

It's eyes sprung open and it stood, as if automated, and outstretched its arms. Two additional pairs of arms sprouted above and below the "normal humanoid arms." One of the sets of arms clasped their hands together as if in a "praying" position. The other set reached out and above the head. From both perspectives, eyes began to form all over the being's head. As each new eye would form, the "first person" perspective began to shift towards unity with the "third person" perspective. Eventually the head was covered with eyes, and the two perspectives were nearly indistinguishable. Once the final eye had opened, there was unity between external and internal awareness. At that moment, "reality" began blasting out of the fingertips from the outstretched pair of arms. At first, it was very fast and seemed to go on and on to no end, but then it began filling the "void." I watched as all the things I'd ever known (and many things that I hadn't known?) extend from its fingertips. Every person, every place, every thought, every idea, every dream, every memory that is stored in that body was being expressed. I wondered if the blue being was a "creator" that had been activated. Some other Nexus members said it had a resemblance to shiva - a deity in Hinduism - but, still only speculations.

Eventually, this began to slow down and the void was almost completely full. As it came to completion, I began to realize that "I" actually had a different body somewhere laying on a couch in some other universe, on a little floating rock, filled with a variety of life forms. All of these characteristics seemed to relate to the reality that had been created. Baffled by this shocking realization [did I just create reality?], "I" opened my [human] eyes and "I" was standing in my living room, tears streaming down my cheeks with my arms outstretched.

Before I entered the experience, I had been laying down on the couch with a blanket over me. At some point the body decided to stand and do as I was doing in the other realm, though I had absolutely no awareness of this physical body, here.


I guess what I am getting at - there can be some very unique and different experiences that come from DMT. Many "cool stories." Maybe some scary ones. Certainly some freaky ones. Some that feel like pure love. Others that.... there are other, I'll leave it at that. If you find yourself having more "Other" experiences than you feel comfortable with, then it's ok to step back and take a break, too. Don't worry, I am almost certain that they are supposed to be confusing.



Yessir. We do. I loosely make the claim that 95% of the people on the Nexus, including myself, have had some kind of crazy, or messed up, or traumatic event that has created such an impression that it still creeps into our present moment. My claim is unsupported with actual statistical data, only the observations that I have made. We often look for a method to mend these emotional wounds. Some people have done it with DMT. Others have made their conditions worsen.

Often, I see waves. Maybe they have a very profound experience which is so "real" and so "suggestive" that the user develops and unhealthy belief. For an example, let's just say that they are convinced that the sky is actually orange, and that we've been implanted with a microchip that alters our vision so that we see orange as blue. Let's pretend that they begin fixating on this idea to the extent that they are making arrangements to "remove the chip." It's a basement operation that is being performed by the user's friend who has been heavily influenced by the user's suggestions, that he believes that the sky is orange too - and wants to help remove the "microchip." But, the user's loved one rushes down stairs and stops the two semi-amateur-professional-surgeons from boring holes into each others heads. Two years later, the user has taken the time to integrate the experience, and realizes that they were completely out of their mind. From the craziness, they find growth and hopefully some balance.
In other cases, the loved one doesn't come running down stairs in time..... but is 5 minutes too late. The surgeon is standing there, covered in crimson spray, trembling at what he'd just done with his dad's dremel.....

This is an extreme example, but there have been occasions where unhealthy thoughts can manifest if we fully submit to the material presented during a DMT trip. If I really was a green orb and embodied that blue being, and unified my two subjective natures and created reality, then I'll be durned. I don't think that is the case, but if I am wrong, and that's how this place actually came to be.... errr sorry bout that! It was...uhhh.... the DMT, you know?!


Anyways.... I gave yah a vote.

Take Care,
ACY

Me too. Welcome to the Nexus

AcaciaConfusedYah,
I am happy you brought up the Egyptian figures I saw, when thinking about it now I can swear it was 4 of them but I didn't see them all at once, more like one after another. Very much like old film flickers between scenes.

When I think back to that moment I remember seeing them to the right of my vision looking at me but again when I turned my sight towards them they would be headless, look away and make a pose with a shadow over their chests. A few days ago thinking about this I came to the realization that it was Thoth

"Thoth is the Egyptian god of writing, magic, wisdom, and the moon. He was one of the most important gods of ancient Egypt alternately said to be self-created or born of the seed of Horus from the forehead of Set"

I knew when I first noticed them from the corner of my vision it looked like they had heads, more like large masks and maybe it's just my imagination but I really feel that the large shadow on their (his?) chest was his Thoth mask lowered or removed, again headless in the end and unwilling to look at me.

very striking and similar indeed! I don't feel "they" stayed with me but my very first exp on DMT with the all black grey alien type figure who tapped my forehead, I feel that entity stayed with me for a couple day. I remember this feeling that something other than me occupied my brain space with me and was viewing and experiencing how I lived my life. I just remember feeling a presence in my head, it was an odd sensation I never had before.

If I am possibly correct and it may be Thoth I still don't have an answer or theory as to why he or they present themselves to us headless and unwilling to look us face to face, I mean the jesters have no issue staring at me and laughing lol...



As for the second part of your post I completely agree with you and I'm def on the same page, non religious and don't necessarily take what I see, exp and encounter as 100% real or fictional but somewhere in the middle and I still have so much to exp and explore.

I have to say reading your analogy about the two friends had me cringing and laughing but I feel you and get what you are saying.

Def like minded individuals you and I.

Thank you both for the vote!

I was hoping i'd be a full member soon!

leaving work now be back shortly

Hey Hotspur922,

Sorry for the delayed reply. That sounds like an awesome trip!!! If you're up for a little story, I'll tell you about the time that I thought I'd found Thoth?

Ok, so this was sometime in early 2014 and I had just experienced DMT for the first time at the very end of 2013. At this point, I had been extracting and using vaporized DMT quite a lot. It's sometimes called the "honeymoon" phase. I had previously been atheist, and after my first breakthrough decided that changed. I didn't have a religion so I started exploring many. Like all young fools, I naturally resorted to youtube and google to gather "information" about mysticism, spirituality, reality, religions, aliens, etc etc etc.

I came across this youtube series called spirit science. LOL. OY! My mind was so easily sculpted at that time. ANY way, after watching spirit science episode, thought that I was some kinda of special "indigo-child-some-what-or-another" and that is was "my mission to go find Thoth from the spirit realm and bring him back." LOL. It's funny to look back on the past and reminisce about old thoughts and beliefs.... Anyways, back to the story...

SO, Since it was my civil duty to go find Thoth and save the earth from some bad guys, (or something like that) I figured there would be no better way to do so than to use DMT! --- Loaded up the pipe and off I went. The onset was incredibly fast. The imagery was composed of numerous pyramids arranged in alternating/shifting patterns with other shifting geometric shapes in between.

From there, I was presented before an enormous "eye" with tentacles. It was like an octopus-eye.... if that makes sense. I could not tell the intention of the entity due to no eye lids or eye brows, or any means to make facial expression - yet I felt tremendous power emanating from the thing. I told it what I'd come to do, and then.... IT BLINKED! (with no eyelids).

It's gaze shifted from me, into the distance, and one of it's tentacles grabbed "whatever thing I was at the time" (body??? nah) and flung me into some far off realm. The realm was filled with clouds, and weaving throughout all the clouds was different strands of "DNA."

"I" manifested into this very odd creature - I'd have to draw it - and latched on to one of the strands of "DNA." As "I" did, the creature(me?) began to transform the DNA into new configurations that do not fall within this realm of physics. After what seemed like an eternity of transforming DNA, "I" remembered that I had a task to do... "Oh yeah, I was supposed to find Thoth." So, I just assumed that this was part of finding Thoth and finished transforming the last bit of "DNA." Once I did, everything shifted. I was no longer in cloud-land. I was no longer a happy, little pac-man-like-DNA-munching-critter.... no I was something and somewhere else.

"I" was a structure. It seemed to be a "portal." Within seconds, three entities (very abstract in visual appearance) appeared and dove through. I was being pulled out of the trip, so "I," (the portal) dove through it(my)self. During the inversion of myself, "I" became Thoth.... the very being I had been looking to find. We traveled through a seemingly vast void of whiteness. And then I remembered.... "wait, I have a body somewhere. The others seemed to imply that they already knew that, and we were already heading there.

There was something in the far distance - it seemed to be a spot of color within the whiteness and we were moving towards it. "I" realized that we were moving towards this human body. Just as we were about to approach, the body (now in the consensual reality) decided that wanted to open it's eyes. At that moment, "I" resumed consciousness within this physical body, I was no longer "Thoth." There was some kind of separation - perhaps I only served the purpose of a transporter - but I was me, again. I watched as the four entities exit through the Body's chest, and then they went straight for the windows. Though, one of them stuck around long enough to say "thanks," and leave a special surprise.

SO - now, back in the body - in total "WTF" mode, I had no idea what I may have just done!? I could have actually let "the bad guys" pass (if there is any realness to this, aside from my imagination and memory.) I could have let the good guys pass? I could have just had a very profound psychedelic experience that was heavily influenced with themes of a particular structure of beliefs that I was entertaining at the time - and let nothing pass except my awareness to choose what I believe.

So, there is my Thoth story.... never seen the dude, since.


Take Care!
ACY

Oh, and you are most welcome!

ACY