So since i started my spirtual way, a long time before taking the first psychedelic substances. I was trying to remember my first thought, the first thing in my life i can remember. Every now and then i remembered some more or less random thing about stuff from very very early in my life, some things very clearly, others well not so good, they could have been "made up" storys by my brain. When i asked the shrooms one day, why cant i remember my past lifes, they answered that i can remember as much as i want to. Thinking about that, i was a very arrogant, self centred, sometimes cruel child. Do i really want to know who i was in my past life? I would completly despise a person that is like the child me so who knows what i was like before that. I only changed my way trough love. Only by loving another beeing i started to realise that there are more valuable things than me. And now "me" is one of the things that dont really matter to me that much anymore. Of course i still have an ego, how would i survive without it, but i would easily sacrifice myself for a lot of things. Everything changed because i loved. This sounds like it is coming out of a sob stuff film, but hey, it happened

So now for the actual memory. I know that i somehow remembered, i dont know the exact moment anymore, but it occured to me so vividly. Anybody who has a dream diary ever read an extremly vivid and fun dream he forgot about and was like "yeah haha how could i forget this?". This was the feeling i had remembering the stuff im about to tell. I cant recall everything and you have to take it with a grain of salt. Of course i know that this COULD be one those made up storys produced by the brain, but i am a 100% certain that this happened. I just somehow know its a memory and not a brain story. Because i can practicly see the happenings partly in front of me. However make up your own mind if you want to believe me, or choose to stay in disbelieve of the following story. This is how i remember it:

I was in a room, in a bed i think. The memory of this part is extremly foggy. I think there was somebody with me comforting me, so my death was not sudden, but it came slowly. I remember throwing overboard my ego, my "manliness" and started groaning, crying, beeing afraid. Some time after that i accepted my fate. "Maybe there is an afterlife". Everything went black. "Well im still thinking, any minute the gates of heaven will open". I cant feel my body, there is only blackness. No light tunnel, no petrus, no god. Im starting to panic, "Omg there is no afterlife my brain will shut down completly any second and i will cease to exist". Extreme panic, how long will i stay in this blackness before fading out into nothingness? Then suddenly after an eternal struggle, strange patterns. "Wtf". At this moment i only remember that i entered some kind of hyperspace.

The memorys of that moment are gone, i recall the first few patterns and beeing completly confused because this is not what i was expecting, but im pretty sure that a dmt breaktrough like experience occured. Now there is a big, big memory hole, the next thing i can remember is beeing in this body. At the time of this memory i must have been less than a year old. I could'nt talk or walk. But my memorys of following scene are better again.

I remember that i looked around, i was alive again. "So thats how rebirth works, wow i MUST remember this i dont want to feel this extreme terror again the next time i die" everything was extremly wuzzy it is really hard to focus on a thought, like in a high dosed shroom trip, just without visuals. I tried to find something to write it down for later, a person! I tried to tell them (I dunno who this was, memory is blurred, maybe my mom or one of my granparents whatever) I had the sentences in my head, but the words wont come out, "No dont laugh at me im trying to tell you the secret of life." Damn, why cant i talk? Why cant i write, all that comes out are strings. Why cant i control this body at all? I was panicing, because the confusion always made me forget over and over again what just happened. But then i let go. "Whatever you live again, enjoy life, do not care for the terror of death next time, just go torugh it again, you will live again and enjoy the bliss of rebirth." I remeber that i wiggled or jumped in happiness. Well jumped while sitting i could not walk at this moment. "You will remember this how could you even forget and if not, what difference does it make?" Then i just lived life and forgot.

Sooo, thats a nice, short story isnt it? But that is as detailed as i remember it. There is a lot of stuff in between i dont remember, i dont even remember the person with me or where i was at the moment of my death. Also i dont remember a single face of the persons from the last life experience. I also dont recall if the circumstances of my death were natural or if i got murdered. Maybe the person in the room was my murder and not somebody who comforted me. Who knows. But the things i wrote down are 1 to 1 of what i can remember. And i would speak an oath on it that this really occured. But the last words on you, do not believe me if you want, i would have my doubts if somebody told me that story.

However after that there are some more or less important things i can remember. Also I absoloutly have 0 memory of the hyperspace tour i had execpt for the starting fractals. I think i can remember a microbit of it, but it is so blurry, i dont believe those memorys, they could be false, so i dont even write them down. All i wrote is the stuff that is not blurry.

Well i lived my live and forgot. But i was right "I will remember". All it took is an existencial crisis and some meditation. I didnt remember this during a trip so its not drug induced. It came back for me in one of my meditation sessions when i tried to recall as far back memorys as possible. I somehow felt the need to write it down because i will further live my life and maybe forget again. Writing it down helps to burn it into the brain.

Also i am really interested what you guys think? I really want criticism if this is your honest opinion. If you think "Man you took one shroom to much" just tell me. If you believe that those memorys are true tell me. If you have similar experiences tell me, i really want to hear what the minds of the nexus think about that

Thanks for sharing that's really nice story indeed
About memories of this life : we can remember way more than we think. Me and various friends got a memery recall during a Vipassana experience ; i was able to tape in any memory of my childhood - in this case, beetween maybe 3 and 10 - in great detail. I was able to remember years of nearly "erased" memory (the time i didn't saw my father for 3 years) ; It's all still there, you just have to get a tool to go back there.

i didn't went more back yet, unless...

Unless with DMT expérience, where i experience near-death (oh god... "i will never smoke DMT again" ) and perinatal state (being in the womb, strugle of getting out, and delivery). So i beleive we can remember much much more...
Thou these experience seemed more archetypal for me than "real" memory ; but i also beleived that the own creation of our being is experienced on a different dimention anyway - our first experience is this moment, when our "soul enter our body - at the 49th day say the buddhist, the day the pineal gland is created. We become an incarnated individual (IN DIVI DUAL - an undivided duality?!).
Your report tells us you have the ability to get to these states, you seems to have the right tools, you might find way more about it. Just keep practising and please share
This rise this the question : "who are you???.." Are you this man dying, or you just have his memory?
Or, is this just a show, not an "illusion", but a synesthesique unfolding of a divine story, probably told by the Joker himself, with the quality of a HD dream, the hyperspace cinematographic experience?