Ive been wondering about ego lately…

Ive had very low self confidence in my teens and in general was a very shy person. Then I got into Buddhist philosophy and learned about the illusion of the ego. I believed to understand that the ego is just something that is a complex of various thoughts and believes to secure its own survival, but also that it is just a small island on the vast ocean of consciousness that can be experienced.

So in the last years I gained a lot of confidence (Im still much less confident and insecure then maybe some other people in their expression and still have some stuff to work on, but compared to earlier it feels like a huge improvement) and intuitively started to build my ego more big and strong. This came as a result of me working on a lot of personal issues and perceived weaknesses and witnessing how I was able to overcome them(and psychedelics probably also played a role). This brought a lot of freedom of expression into my life. So on the one hand I believe my ego is built on a stable ground, because I was able to solve a lot of personal traumas and issues, which if they were still there, would probably twist my ego in very ugly ways.
On the other hand I feel like I am drifting further away from the once had revelation that ego is an illusion and all is the same. I am starting to identify much more with my ego again, which is also sometimes perceives as positive as I feel more whole now, where as before it was more a feeling of dissociation because I would question the truth of every thought that came up. Also its kind of ironic, even though ive read about this before, that ego dissolving techniques like facing my fears and insecurities in nonjudgmental mindfulness and also psychedelics probably were what got the ego rolling.

What are your thoughts on ego? No doubt it has a purpose for survival, but do you feel its good to cultivate healthy ego, or is it better to let go completely, and dissolve into humbleness?

EDIT:
I want to add, that I believe for my self I have at least for the moment already found some kind of answer. The rise of self confidence that came from a lot of dissolved issues, came hand in hand with a lot more free expression and being able to just go with my flow of live and claiming what I desire. This is being felt as entirely positive and I enjoy my life much more then before.

Also now at the end of this post I wonder if I confuse ego and self confidence/wheres the border?

Can one ever "not ego"?
A game of definitions ...

Woop woop, can of worms alert

No fighting the ego. The only thing I have found that works is a commitment of acceptance of oneself. Easier said than done obviously, but I think that is where the rubber meets the road. Observing what the mind creates and separating truth from reality. Fears and anxiety rush in and it's not who we are. The ego will fight back when backed into a corner. True acceptance of the self and the ego just the way it is, is the first step to overcoming the illusions of the ego.

Meditation and psychedelics has made all of this much more pronounced in my life. I see it. I see that my ego presents information that simply is not correct. It runs wild like some crazy monkey. Seeing this has changed my perceptions about my ego and myself. I am not my ego. I am not my past. I am not my future. I am now. Always have been and always will be. So then how to stay present? When you figure that one out let me know. It's a constant challenge. I accept that it's a challenge and go from there.

The ego is a filter through which we see life. It's a filter, nothing more. When the ego is not present, a feeling of love is present for me. I see past the filter. I see more.

This is a can of worms for sure. We could talk about the ego for hours and only scratch the surface. The world is the way it is because of the ego. I feel the human race will evolve when we can keep the ego in check. Learning the illusion. Shedding light into the dark. The path is there, the ego can't see it. But something else can...what is that?

i guess in a sense one can sculpt the ego to be more palatable, personally i dont identify myself as my body or ego I view them as tools and extensions of myself, tools that can be honed to better benefit what I want in this realm of existence, psychedelics made me very aware that my ego was very detrimental for myself and others, while i always thought i wanted to do good in the world i caused a lot of harm with my words and actions, not like i went around punching people but the marks are lasting sometimes, my best buddy told me some stuff about things i've said that hurt him without me intending to do so, the path of destruction left behind will take time to correct but at least im trying to do so and I now try to use my actions to consctruct or cultivate seeds of good in others, i aint perfect so i fuck up every now and then but being aware helped with the change, acceptance then correction of the myself has been my path thus far.

I dunno if one can exist free of ego nor do i know if i would want to, you can however learn ways to control that mustang horse that is ego and use it for learning since it shows ways in which i am faulty and can improve myself.

Within buddhism, there are a lot of different interpretations about this ego thing. Is it realy possible to shed the ego like an old piece of skin? I don't know. I think it's more important to keep questioning yourself and your own beliefs, than to totally eliminate them.

Ego is a torrential ocean storm.
Temporary release of ego is grabbing a passing dolphin fin and hanging on for a couple of seconds until you inevitably slip off into the chaos.
But you slowly move closer to something you can't see.

Faith is believing the Dolphins know where theyre going.

Ego is necessary, but must be kept in check.

-eg

Couldn't have said it any better.