I died and had this experience of being God.

Why is it that some people get to the same state and say it was blissfull, overwhelming, like that was home, and other including me feel like it was what I didn't actually want to know it, that it was crushing, a truth impossible to get away from.

the same question put in another way

It seems like you can have this realization that you are god, and either get super depressed and suicidal, or super blissed.

These godhead/oneness levels aren't all bliss afterwords or even during, especially if there is resistance. There is a lot of horrible things in the universe and our lives that co-exists with the light, and that is all there to. It's not easy for our little egos to willingly obliterate themselves and dissolve into the underlying sea of reality without it being overwhelming either, but it does get easier over time and with combined practices to make it more fine tuned and navigable

In some ways, depression is an appropriate response to our situation...its not easy having these experiences and then coming back down and confronting the rawness and despair of our frustrating situation where we are killing ourselves and the planet while few even realize these states of consciousness are available.

It's extremely tragic but i always come back with this message that it will all unfold as it should and worrying isn't doing me any good.

yep, this was also a strong feeling in my experience