Hello, new to this forum to post my concerns and questions. Looking for positive answers to each question. I'll provide some background about myself and my drug use. I am a 19 year old male, athletic fit/muscular, type one diabetic, extremely healthy, keep up with hygiene and the day to day lifestyle.
In the passed couple of months I've gained a heavy heavy interest in psychadelics, relation to psychadelics with spirituality and purpose, and the overall psychadelic scene. I'm a introvert, suffered from severe depression of august 2015 up unto February 2016. Currently prescribed Welbutrin 300mg and lamicto(?) 50mg. My life has gone from rock bottom to thr happiest and content with my life in a long long time. I give myself euphoria with the way I perceive life on a day to day basis, have a great relationship with all my friends, hold a good income job, have females in my life, parents think I'm a wonderful young adult, and a student at a good university with high ambition. Up until two months ago I was a daily marijuana smoker for about a year and three months. Contrary to my friends view of marijuana, I found myself using it for a period of time to gain insight about myself and my place in life, where I would like to be in the future. Overall, it created some positives in my life and brought about some negatives too. This led to my research into psychadelics with a medium of prior knowledge. This started around Christmas 2015 and finally after all my research and information I learned, I decided to attempt to find the deemz in very early April.
Before that I have used xanax once, alcohol heavily at appropriate times, of course marijuana, kratom occasionally as it is very addicting. More insight about my life situation. I am not the punk/gothic/hippie type kid. I look like a normal everyday white teenager. Tank tops, one tattoo, baseball caps, gym shorts, blonde hair, glasses, you get the gig. I drive a brand new vehicle that is very very nice in respect to other vehicles. No my taillights are not tinted I did not plastidip my wheels my car is always spotless inside and out, and when I mean spotless, I mean spotless. The only thing in the cabin is my diabetic testing kit, a water bottle, and my ecig in the cup holder. Have had a fair share of run ins with the police, pulled over say 13-15 times, only recieved 3 tickets. I am always respectful to their authority. Windows down, car off, keys on dashboard, hands on three and nine. Never had a negative encounter with the police as my community has a very large amount, and they love giving tickets.
Back to the Deemz. After looking for what seemed like weeks for the substance checking all my connects and friends in the psych scene, I could not find it. I slowly gave up my search for it. Then one day at work a buddy starts talking about acid that his cat managed to puke up and I approach him and ask if his cat excretes deemz. He confirms that his cat does have the wonderful sickness and it is legit. The next day, me full of excitement and nervousness at the same time due to me actually finding what I've been looking for and the seriousness of the deemz in terms of power and what it is, I drive to his trailer 20 miles away in a small town. He invites me inside and while shaving his cat infront of me, he shares knowledge to me about it that I already knew. I leave his trailer and head to my car to happily observe my treasure. Smelling it, knowing that infact I had real Deemz, the butterflies arose in my stomach heavily the entire drive home. I stop by the local well trusted smoke shop and secretly ask for a for a long container with a bulb at the end to cook the hair in. He understands and sells one to me with a goodluck comment.
I set up plans with my well trusted friend for later that night to observe the religious ceremony while I attempt it. Looking at all the ways to use it, I had a pretty good idea of how to use the the comtainer for the ritual properly which I only got better after each use. My usual safe haven to pray is in my vehicle(call me stupid but I can explain) as I feel safe in my car, it's always a clean environment, has a nice ice blue light atmosphere, and tints which cannot be seen through at nighttime. The spot where I park my car is at my gym which has a very large parking lot that never gets bothered by police and is just overall inconspicuous. I play it smart and park my car facing away from other cars, far enough away to not have anyone leaving the gym suspect or bother me but not too far away that my car looks suspicious. My reason for attempting deemz first before any psychadelic is because I never had the place or time to try acid or shrooms, and knowing deemz lasts about 10 minutes seemed perfect for me. I always had a slight intetest in alternative realities, space, and things relating to this. Understanding how the trips are carried out, this was something I needed to experience with a well understood notion of the intensity and powrfulness of the substance. My buddy hopped inside my car and I explain to him exactly how he is to trip sit me, what to expect, and what he needs to do if anything were to go bad or I needed another hit etc (very smart and understanding individual).
I set up my music to Sun Models by Odesza as the song was new to me and had wonderful vibes to it, comforting for a trip. I procede to carry out the process and for my first trip I experience a blackout for the duration until I came back to and recieved one clear image of a small planet with a ancient aztec/mayan structure on top of it with a face carved into the structure with a timelapse of a night sky behind this. Realizing what was going on, sitting up and looking out into the parking lot, I recieved the visuals. The song created the most blissful, intense euphoria I ever experienced. I could see the fabric of this reality and how it was connected to "that reality". I had a ancient desert, old native culture, arizona wilderness and spirituality vibe, the best thing I have ever experienced. I knew from that moment forward who I was, want I want in my life, and deemz is MY DRUG.
Throughout more experiences, I learned more and more and had better and better trips. Connected with some wonderful people who understood the level I was at. . My life literally changed. I always kept it stocked and on me well hidden in a gym bag full of blanketd in a normal appearing trunk. DMT spawned my insight towards other psychadelics such as acid, shrooms, mescaline, etc. At a point I felt as if deemz wasn't enough anymore. I wanted to stay in hyperspace as the trips were such short lived. A couple times I took 7 hits within 10 minutes and 8 within 17 minutes. I need more, to see more, experience more, feel more, learn more. I couldn't break away and when I did, I had the intense euphoria but sadness as well, that there is a much better place than here. Now, I don't trip as often anymore as I have taken from what I recieved and learned from it in the most positive way, but recent trips haven't been as effective. I have been using the same pipe the entire time and cannot tell if too much deemz was destroyed at the bottom and I need a new pipe or what, as there is still a decent amount of deemz that was not vaporized in the pipe, it's just each time I don't get the trip I'm looking for, cannot get to where I have been. Suggestions on this as I would love to return soon.
Now, last night I had a scary dream, one that shook me so deep I woke instantly once I subconsciously figured out what was going on. I was getting arrested for possession of the deemz and the pipe and my parents were watching. This instantly gave a very sh***y feeling and a horrible worry about the fact that yes I have been carrying around the most illict drug in the trunk of my car for so long. I started researching about this topic with deemz, arrests, cops and psychadelics, whatever I could think of I read up on. I know my car doesn't look like at all like someone who would use drugs inside and out as well as me and my person. That's why I've felt so safe, especially since I quit smoking marijuana so my car only smells fresh and good. But that "What if" gave me the reason to be worried, as the dream shook me so deeply. There is nothing in my backseat, no containers, absolutely nothing besides maybe a empty water bottle or two, same with the front. My trunk is a SLIGHT mess with a couple pairs of shoes, roller blades, car cleaning supplies, and gym bags. My thought process is if, IF my car was ever to get searched, would a cop really look that deep into everything with me being a clean well rounded white kid only being polite and truthful? Would he really drag everything out of my car and possibly find the pipe and deemz hidden underneath three blankets and sheets? And why would he search me, clearly I'm not high or my car smells or has ANY paraphernalia(besides the Deemz)? But I really have that WHAT IF in the back of my head. I deliver pizzas, do alot of driving so I'm the road pretty often, but rarely will I ever drive carelessly such as extreme speeding, etc. Would a cop really ever mess with a kid so hard like me? I would love to keep it in my house, but if my parents found it, the consequences would be just as severe. Obviously deemz is not a destructive or negative drug, but it has REALLY helped me understand myself and my character and my purpose and positively affected my life. I keep it in my trunk because my usage is spontaneous as well as my friends. It's just the thought of getting caught with a crack pipe, not a joint of weed. Input on this.
Now onto the acidic questions. I decided to choose this as my next psychadelic to try, with a friend who shares the same thought process and therioes as me. We will be doing it this week sometime. Now today I spoke with my psychiatrist about how I may consume it soon and he highly advised me to not to as he explained "people don't return to normal and you're preexposed to it due to your depression(which hasn't affected me AT ALL since February). Is he telling the truth? I've done alot of research but he sure struck fear in my heart. Input.
Sorry to cut it short (clearly not) but I would like to hear everyone's input. I will return later and edit it as I need to.
Thanks!
Edit#2 Most of my current trips were safely in someones house, not in my car. Once in a great while will I return to the parking lot at the gym for a trip, which costs me 6-10 minutes before I leave. I believe the chances of me somehow getting caught is extremely extremely low, but there is always that "what if". I live in Michigan, close to the Canadian border and will eventually be traveling there soon. Either I will remove it from my vehicle and very soon I will find a new spot for it, if not bring it inside. There are a few places I have figured, behind panels, under carpeting, taped underneath the seat in a tight area, places a cop wouldn't look unless I was a felon or looked like a crack head. I prefer to keep it on me though, as when I do decide to trip, most of the times I cannot return to my house to pick it up. Plus my parents would be curious. I want to play it as safe as I can but as reasonable too. I appreciate the help.