Long time reader, now that I have some experience under my belt I would like to introduce myself.
PERSONAL INTRO:
I began my search through drugs at 15,
to find a perspective that showed me life was truly worth living - to give me purpose.
After a long journey I have come to my last drug, DMT.
This is the drug that continues to elude my grasp, and continues to help me grow.
I have had not many "trips", but a narrative experience with the drug.
MY EXPERIENCE:
Stage 1.
Dosages: 50mg (Leaf bed method)
Trips: 2
In the beginning, I would often be "shot" into space. I would find myself flying through what felt like a huge chasm-filled expanse, that had living creatures within it. A world without walls, edges or barriers.
My first trip, I met three archetypal entities, the first one were a conglomeration of little feminine fairies of energy.
They were amazing creatures, the moment I first arrived in hyperspace they were with me before I could recognise it.
Though I did not "see" them, I knew what they looked like by some kind of mental image.
Little fairies of sorts, with one particular fairy who spoke to me.
All of these miniature feminine entities were within me.
I was lying down, and before I knew it, they inside me working on healing me.
I was told "We don't have enough time, be calm and we will work as fast as we can",
and I immediately began to calm myself as much as possible.
They were moving energies within my stomach, making me feel immensely better - relieved of encumbersome stresses.
I was then next taken to a different entity on this rollercoaster-like experience.
The next entities was some kind of masculine training camp, here my lesson continued and I was "straightened up" by these masculine beings who wanted to see me be the sharpest of emotion, mind and intellect that I could be.
Next, I was taken to a final entity.
This time, a circus of trickster elves came to me. They were surrounding me with their circus performance, here they played many wacky and windy songs which seemed to confuse my thoughts, they laughed a lot, true tricksters in the most archetypal sense. They spun a web of reality around me through the songs that they sang, and in the web I was gently put back down on earth. They seemed to reconstruct my reality before my eyes.
Before I left, i asked a message. "When can I come back?"
I was told by the initial feminine entities,
"Only come back if you wish to see the dark side of DMT".
I could not resist.
I went back instantly, and I had my heart torn out my chest.
Retching in pain, withering. It was excruciating.
I learnt the feeling of having my heart torn out in an almost literal sense.
I heeded.
I noticed a mother-like figure watching over me within these trips,
which eased me that there was a greater and more powerful entity watching over.
Stage 2.
Dosage 50mg
Trips: 20 (Leaf bed)
Here, I was repeatedly thrown into space. Or rather, I threw myself into space.
Sometimes, i only met the gatekeeper - we didn't talk much.
Like standing in an elevator, we mostly just wait together and think in silence.
He didn't seem too interested in me.
Agitated, angry, sad ...
I threw myself into the DMT world over and over again searching for that feminine bliss.
Unpleasant experiences with LOTS OF PUKING.
I had my sheets washed many times, I even bought a bucket in this period.
Many experience of being sent into a world of grinding gears,
where I was being grinding between them, and I awoke with tears of sorrow and pain streaming down my face.
I was sometimes picked up by a gentle and caring feminine being who looked after me for a period of time.
I was persistent, I often just wanted to see if I could have sex with whatever entity, or just wanted to experience the good.
I wasn't learning, I was just crazed to search through DMT.
Stage 3.
Here is the final stage of the beginning of my journey.
After many pukes, many brief encounters with random entities that offered me nothing, or sometimes a brief shelter amidst the pain.
I decided to smoke DMT again after a period of time.
The feeling of puking came up. God, no, not again. Please, god, no more puking.
This time was different. I felt the feeling, I told the DMT "I am ready, you know that I am".
I vomited with the intent behind it that I knew it was something I was ready for.
The moment after I vomited, I saw two entities who appeared to be encapsulating my entire experience,
they exposed themselves and walked away. As if they were "finished here".
I noticed in that moment, for all this time, I had been in some sort of trial.
All of these harrowing and sorrowful experiences, of pain, torture, pure mean and negativity...
that it was all a trial, and because I had passed, I had learnt to accept the DMT experience as it was
- to stop hunting so madly for something else, and see it for what it is.
Stage 4.
Trips: 5
Method: GVG (I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THE GVG, IT CHANGED DMT FOR ME)
Here, I started having beautiful experiences.
Many huge, mind-expanding trips.
One where my whole reality was placed before my eyes, and I saw my life for what it was.
I was heading upwards on a path, and along that path were some kind of archetypal ancestors,
who like the side of a race track, spectated and cheered me on, loved me.
I was struggling a lot in life, I pleaded for help, I pleaded to make it easier.
I was given a break, as if by a loving parent.
The information came to me that in this short period I would be able to heal, grow stronger, clear my mind, and get ready.
This experience was so earth-shattering that I got up and left my house.
Next, I started meeting a feminine entity. This time, there was no sexual tension.
Just a woman of sorts who was truly dedicated in teaching me to grow stronger.
I am often given lessons at a very rapid rate.
In almost all of my latest trips, I meet this feminine entity who continually works on me and values me as something highly important.
I'm often left in tears at just how much she values me.
Though, I am aware that this woman has many activities in hyperspace, and is very busy.
I respect her a lot, and so if I trip and I do not think I will be able to give her 100%, I ask her to keep doing her business.
I want to give her everything I have, to be a fully receptive student, to take in everything, to learn.
I respect her greatly, and she shows me how wonderful I really am.
She builds me up inside, she makes me see how strong I am, how ... hard that I try to be the best that i can be.
How much i try to perform at 150% at work.
And how much I overwork myself and need to take care of myself more.
She builds me up like filling an empty well with water.
The first time i met her, I fell into an empty chasm inside myself.
In that chasm, in the very depths, she came to me.
She guided me through myself, she showed me how to love myself.
I feel that my journey with DMT is just beginning, and because of this, I suppose i have made a dedication to myself that this is a part of my life now.
I will likely be around here quite often.
ALSO SORRY I STUFFED THE QUESTIONNAIRE UP! I THOUGHT IT WAS AN EXAM
