Hello everyone! So I have been trying to get some ideas together to this current "situation" I find myself in. Before I even begin, I would just like to make aware that for me, using words like I or me, is completely ridiculous. HAHA. But since something has to be used in order to engage in conversation with others(LOL), it is what it is. For the past 2-3 months I've had some stuff in storage, with intentions of blasting off every now and again. However, for some reason I cannot fully bring myself to actually following thru. This is not pre-trip anxiety, nervousness, etc... I simply have no idea what it is. There has been a pre-loaded VG and torch sitting on a shelf of my end table for quite some time, cracking myself up at how ridiculous it is for me not to just pick it up and proceed. I have had the most game(life) changing experiences with Lucy/Magic/meditation over the months, so much so, that I have had a deep fascination into the studies of Eastern Philosophies more than ever. After 50+ blast offs, 20+ L, 10+ Magic, listening to Carl Jung, Terence Mckenna, Tim Leary, David Bohm, Carl Sagan, Neil Degrasse Tyson various spiritual teachers/gurus/monks specifically about Buddhism and Advita Vedanta like Alan Watts, Dogen, THE SELF, science, etc, has brought out the awareness of self, whatever that means. Trying to integrate that into the practical everyday world of reality has been quite amazing. The reason I bring all of that up is to just give a brief description of the influences that have brought me to a certain level of being convinced about NOT being convinced, yet being open to infinite possibilities of the process of life, existence, and everything in between. I guess I would like to apologize for the tangent, but that is what I do. Having an idea without having some basis for those ideas and trying to explain that becomes almost impossible, with the tangents in my humble opinion.

Would just like to see if anyone has almost just "forced themselves" into a journey.

Thank you ALL for taking the time to read. I love you all, since I look at this whole thing as ridiculous. Below are just some thoughts Ive put down and wanted to share for absolutely no reason at all. LOL Thanks!

Finding possibility in the impossible. The perfect paradox of life. The easiest difficulity. The knowing of the Unknown and knowing IT cannot be known. I KNOW that I DONT KNOW. Even trying to discuss this is ridiculously meaningless, HAHA. Subconsciously, many beings are preconditioned with notions of what is or how is, which has been passed down either through the generations of time(whatever that could or would ever possibly mean), or possibly genetically, etc... Using words in trying to describe anything about THAT/THIS, is close to impossible, especially with the English language. There are I assure you, MANY MANY different ways in which one could view the world, the universe, life, consciousness and existence. We convience ourselves of what may be, and most of OUR ideas are formulations out of our immediate environment. Our upbringing, our neighborhoods, our family and friends, our culture, our society, our religions, our country...without question, we are molded out of that which has already been, and for the most part, without question. A human being comes out of the world and has absolutely no idea what is going on. Hmm... The reason all of this is so amazingly ridiculous, is because of thought. Your THOUGHTS literally shape your perception of your everyday life experiences. When you wake each morning and look around, even if we are experiencing the same(kinda) physical reality, how you feel and think, like "wow, this experience of life may very well be a huge cosmic drama, and this IT was playing a game of getting lost/fell deeply and soundly asleep, and IT has been getting lost/sleeping for a looooooooooong time, it's time to wake up"...It would be sounding like just another spiritual crack up just making things sound all metaphysical and whatnot...OR MAYBE NOT?

For words to come from this collection of cells and out of this particular piece of flesh, it is absolutely meaningless. However, since we as humans do carry the ability to communicate using language, that is what is to be used. There are a few things THIS perspective(I) is assured of. I am certain there are MANY different ways in which the human can perceive the world. There is A LOT of knowledge and information pertaining to this experience that has been generated from within the mind out of wonder and imagination. We are a species of organization, and so we have labels placed on things, and descriptions formulated on thoughts. Wherever the thinking mind CANNOT go, THAT is what THIS IS. Buddhism is a blank canvas with NO preconceived notion of ANY-THING...it is not a religion, a belief, a philosophy, a science or a way of life. Buddhism really isn't ANYTHING at all. It's just having a deep understanding of what we would LABEL as DIRECT EXPERIENCE, and provides a POSSIBILITY of what one COULD utilize their thinking minds..However, since the human mind is instinctively going to label and describe, it IS possible that Buddhism could be used as a religion, could be used as a belief system, could be used a philosphy, a science or a way of life. Understand the distinction between BEING something and being USED as something. It could be looked at as a guide to self mastery, perfection of mind. Perfection of self. Clear-headedness. And THEN of course, one could continue and decide to practice and fully understand, or alllow the self to be guided down a path of a different kind of thinking, and whatever possibilities they may find, they can use that too. Or not.