the first time I smoked DMT I consumed 200mgs, light-yellow translucent Dimethyltryptamine crystals on top of high-grade marijuana, I cleared the DMT as well as the marijuana in a single breath, and before I could exhale (or even count to 5) I was in an overwhelming state of intense psychedelia. Visually the world was not recognizable, time ceased to exist, I remember going into a panic, thinking "get this shit out of me!" And exhaling as rapidly as possible...but it was too late. I remember looking around, I was at the bottom of a foggy mountain with dirt roads, I was overcome with an intense feeling of panic and deja-vu, I felt like a lost child, everything I knew about who I was or my life or earth seemed like a distant dream, like I dissolved out of existence, I interpreted this as dying, I knew that I was dead, and I was emotionally overwhelmed while confronting the event of my death...at first you want to reach out for help, you think "call the fire department, or I need to call my family", but you quickly realize it's just you and death and you have to come to terms with it alone. I could not tell if I was breathing or not, I would take air in, but couldn't feel it, I then noticed a pain in my chest, a giant mantis like being had its claws in my chest, it proceeded to tear open my chest and stomach removing all my organs and insides, I was about to go into shock when I saw a bright green light flash over my shoulder, it nearly hit me, it then became a beautiful geometric object,a glowing stone or jewel, morphing and color changing. The mantis then put this object in my torn up corpse. The mantis then began to make billions of these objects, each one unique and radiating beautiful colored light, and my hollowed out corpse was filled with them, replacing all the organs that had been removed. Then I was sealed up in a burning flash of red light, and my newly rebuilt body was propelled into an orange light where I was resurrected...then I felt as if I was being pushed through a membrane, I was being born....then back to reality....those who were there said in reality I curled up into a ball and began to cry for 15 minutes, I was wondering why my face was wet, because it felt like I had actually just went through being born...any way the immense deep spiritual and psychological implications of this experience left me for ever transformed, reborn as a new person entirely, it was the single most meaningful thing that has ever happened to me. -eg

During the onset of DMT I always have the feeling of being a baby where I can easily be very spooked by the smallest thing like all adult defences and rationalisations are removed. In psychotherapy the view seems to be very much that it is internalisation of what parents have said about birth that gets carried while primal therapy quite adamant the ‘the body remembers’.

In dealing with my depression and anxiety I’m at a point where I just accept some things just have to remain mysteries - I cannot analyse and dissect everything and understand. My DMT experiences seem to be rather atypical though.

Did you ever read anything from Stanislav Grof and about transpersonal psychology?

He talks a lot about this experience of reliving the birth experience, and how important it can be as a part of a therapeutic/self-growth process. He had experience with psychedelics, and eventually invented a drug-free method of reaching similar states through breathing. Might be of interest to help you understand/deal with these experiences?


I always felt kinda left out in this subject since I was born out of a c-section, lol. No passing through the birth canal for me Maybe that's why I'm like this

Interesting report. From the way you describe it, it could well be a reliving of your birth experience.

All events surrounding birth are pre-verbal. There is at that time no verbal processing and storing capability, so the only way to store events is in the form of physical (and emotional) states.

There are many more types of body work than holotropic breath work that can also help to bring a person in contact with areas of the self that analytical talk therapy cannot reach.

“Once you find psychedelics you’re not looking for the accelerator anymore. You’re looking for the brakes on your spiritual vehicle. You have suddenly found the means to achieve the stated goal, which is union with the divine, or oneness, or something like that.”

-mckenna

By seeking the source of his own nightmares and disturbing fantasies, Giger discovered independently from the pioneers of modern consciousness research, the paramount
psychological importance of the trauma of biological birth. . . . The birth process
also involves violent elements in the form of the assault of the uterine contractions
on the fetus, as well as the fetus' aggressive response to the situation.
This reaction takes the form of amorphous fury of the biological organism
whose life is seriously threatened. Suffering and vital threat engender
in the fetus a sense of vital threat and overwhelming anxiety

From H. R. Giger and the Zeitgeist of the Twentieth Century

Observations from Modern Consciousness Research

Stanislav Grof, M.D., Ph.D.

http://www.primal-page.com/grofgige.htm