Hello!

I am new here and I am here to share my trip experiences and to connect with other people's trip experiences. I am not as interested in the science of the drugs as I am the science of the imagination. I cannot really retain the information very well. Mind explores too many things and this is where I use up most of my memory space lol; trying to hold onto the connections I see in the universe. I do know me best and since I cannot learn names of things very easily, I let them come to me in repetition. This tells me that this is something I really need to hold onto. It's also difficult to hold onto things that are not as interesting to me. Typical of human nature.

I have read front to back Dr. Strassman's Book DMT The Spirit Molecule and of course watched the documentary several times. I am currently working and walking with Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted World. I have never had a bad trip. Maybe I have, but it's my perspective that keeps it from being a bad trip. In other words, I could see how if someone else experienced what I did, they would call it a bad trip. I would rather call them thrilling and scary trips. Terrifying actually but I felt no fear. Where I should have been scared, I wasn't. I have often found myself facing The Demon himself or herself whathaveyou. But I also think that this spirit is afraid of me. This is what I get most often in the trips. In some ancient tribes and even some modern tribes, people use scary masks or symbols to ward any people of other tribes to leave them alone. To scare them away. I have had trips while on LSD where the darker spirits would harass me but I felt no fear about it. I felt most compelled to look them straight in the eye or face so to speak. Once I did, I almost think I could feel them crumble. As if to say, "why are you not afraid of me"? And then I feel them run and I wonder, why are you afraid of me? And this makes me think of the creatures that exist in this world. A lone wolf could approach you if you ran, it would chase you down. However, if you stood your ground, you hold the chance of showing it that you are not afraid of it and therefore now appear as a threat to the wolf. Without it's pack, you might be able to overtake him and he doesn't want to take that chance right?

"For light does the darkness most fear" - Jewel

And then sometimes I get demon spirits that seem to be asking for help. They feel very dark but almost asking for change. "I don't want to be this anymore". One LSD trip I had, a little gray human like entity approached me. It was emaciated and naked. It had no eyes, only a mouth. I remember feeling sorry for this entity. I wanted him to have eyes. So in my head, I pulled out an eyeball from somewhere and gave it to him. He fell to his knees and thanked me over and over again. I like to think this was symbolic of a lost soul that maybe a part of me helped see. Maybe it was you. Maybe not. Maybe it was an entity that lives on another planet? Maybe not.

Okay I think that is enough of an intro, I want to share with you my first breakthrough on DMT. I was sitting in lotus position in a Papasan in my bedroom staring at a mandala tapestry directly in front of me on the wall. I will attach a photo of this so you can follow along with me visually. In between the papasan and the tapestry was our bed. I focused on the tapestry of course. It reminds me of a doorway to a portal or something. It was a wonderful focus point. I smoked the DMT from a small bubbler pipe. After a few seconds I heard a very loud ringing in my ears. If you ever listen to throat singers, it sounded a lot like that only the sound was a lot purer and had this powerful hold over my focus and my emotional energy. All the pain I had ever felt in my lifetime or every little flaw that was working against my mood that day was suddenly lifted by that sound. It felt like my spirit was beginning to expand outside of my body and fill the room. Maybe my spirit was already filling the room and I just became of aware of it. The next thing that was going on almost simultaneously was the room went dark and white and red and tan lines were spiraling in a vortex shape creating a funnel like through the center of the mandala on the wall. The mandala started to shift. The rings began to move much in the way you see gears connecting, only the motion of these rings seem to be counter to the one adjacent. This created the sensation that they were pulsing, vibrating in a semi circular motion, like they were ticking but not rotating. It was not a rapid kind of ticking but a smoother kind of ticking like watching the second hand go around the clock and ticking reminds me of the universe having a pulse. A heart beat. Some of the rings began to transform into serpents that were slithering around the rings. I remember feeling overwhelmed with joy. I love snakes. I think they are beautiful creatures and I love the touch of their skin so hopefully you can imagine I had this feeling of acceptance from the creatures. They let me see them and we know snakes can be territorial.

As the vortex continued to take shape, the gears and snakes began to transform again into the vortex. Now I was traveling down a tunnel and the walls of the tunnel were filled with ghosts, demons and ghouls. There were a lot of teeth and claws and screaming at me. I just saw this as a struggle for those creatures to understand what they were seeing. I felt some wanted to attack me, out of fear and protection of their selves and I felt some wanted to run away and push me through the vortex faster so I would be out of their way. I finally broke through the vortex and by this time the room was gone. I had no feet, I had no body, I had become the room. Simultaneously I had felt a cold spot on my forehead and a lot of pressure. It felt like my spirit was breaking through my head. At least that was the illusion. I had seemingly become the spirit that was already there that I couldn't see. It made me feel like God. I have heard so many people have this experience. I guess we would be our own Gods. We make our own choices. In a Christian sense you could call these Angels or Demons if you want to keep the creator separate from the individuals. If we are all one, there surely is a reason we are all in separate bodies right? I like to wonder why it gives us the feeling of being God. Perhaps it is trying to tell us we are all one being. Because if you think your God and I think I'm God, then we are both God. God is a word we created to use to describe the creator. We create things. We have sex and we create children. But what created us? Why did the microbe suddenly appear? I did not choose to be born here, at least not that I can recall. If I am my own God and I did choose to be here, I need to wake myself up so I can remember it. I have a very dark past that involved a lot of physical and mental abuse. I have a lot of hatred in my blood. I also have learned a lot of love too. I feel like my hatred protects me in a sense. I am not hateful to people who don't attack me. There is no reason for that. I have to have a reason to be hateful and I embrace it when I do and it feels like a protection. Like the thorns on a rose, or the tail spikes on a stegosaurus. Though this can get out of hand like the teeth on the wolf. Those teeth are painful. But the wolf needs to eat and it cannot be an herbivore while the rabbit is eating all of the plants. Conundrum.

Back to the experience. I was still hearing the loud humming (wuawuawuawua) sound but now colors were revealing themselves. The demons and ghouls had disappeared and there were no entities around. All I felt was me. Like I said, I had become the room. I was now a part of everything and had no identity other than I was God of that space and time moment. The space where the wall should have been to my right was filled completely with white light, I could not see beyond this light. Almost behind me to my left was a shadow, it was much smaller than the light. It almost formed a spherical shape as opposed to the seemingly infinite wall to my right. The shadow felt alive. It felt like an entity. It had no shape though other than a ball of darkness and empty space. I felt a tremendous amount of fear in it but also pulling hard on it was a sense of curiosity. It was curious about me. It was afraid of me but also not afraid of me. I don't know how best to explain that. It didn't want to touch me or get near me, it wanted to watch me from a distance or feel me rather because it didn't have eyes, that I know of. Anyway, in between the infinite white light that was to my right and the dark ball that was behind me to my left was a life filled active light community. I saw nothing but beads of light as small as ants running around a transparent city made of blocks that remind me of computer chips and switchboards. There was no floor. The city filled all the walls that hadn't already been filled. There were squiggly bars of light sliding down the walls, mostly white, cyan and magenta. Those were the most prominent colors I saw. I also saw blues and purples and golds. Not really a metallic gold but a metallic beige rather that was transparent. Had an autumn sunset kind of glow to it. I didn't feel anything talk to me or try to communicate with me. I felt more like an observer from another world peering in on this DMT world. I do remember feeling a sense of welcome. I could not hear things talk to me but I could feel their emotions and I believe they could feel mine. I also had a sense that the trip was beginning to end and I felt a sadness come over the area. I was not sad but something else was. I don't think it wanted me to leave, I felt it long for me to come back and also seemed mature enough to let go of me. I starting seeing the walls of the room again coming back to my visual space and I could see the bed and the floor and was able to stand at this point. I wasn't fully down yet. I was still tripping pretty good. During this phase, the space between matter and imagination was filled with transparent metallic beige gears and dark blue paislies. The air was rich with this visual, gears were spinning in all directions, some intertwined, some on the floor some on the ceiling and I remember it giving me the feeling of being inside a machine. Particularly a clock. Not like the clocks we make here on earth but like the clock of the universe. God's clock so to speak.

That was my best DMT experience. My first experience was light. I didn't disappear from the room, I just saw the same kind of visuals like the ones I described at the end of my breakthrough. DMT was the first psychedelic I ever tried besides marijuana. I feel like because I tried DMT first, shrooms and LSD were easy. DMT was a breeze too but it is way more intense than shrooms and LSD. But it is also about 4-8 hours less of time to trip. I would say it was like a super condensed "Alice" trip maybe. I am pleased to be able to share my experience and read others experiences and am thankful to have the freedom to do so. I may not become one of your most active members, but I will be there when I feel inspired. I have not had a bad trip yet, to this date and I would love to be able to help anyone who has had a bad trip in dealing with wrapping your head around it. I have had bad physical trips where I needed to purge (this was on LSD early in the morning without eating breakfast mind you) and was shaking for hours but my head felt level with it. I felt like I was just going through another one of the universes experiences that it puts you through. I made it and was perfectly fine with it. I used it as a message to the self and have remained content with that as if maybe it was my internal being that needed to purge. Maybe she wanted to feel that pain and shivering to know she was alive. Who knows?

Welcome!