So this might be sort of a long story, but I'm going to try and keep it as short as possible.

I had been seeking some sort of guidance from a shaman for the ceremonial use of peyote or ayahuasca. One can't really look up a shaman in the phone book, so I started poking around on forums and asking spiritually minded people if they knew of any such opportunities. I was pretty much limited to finding help in the N. American continent since I didn't have a lot of cash to throw around. The first two I found didn't give me a feeling of comfort, and one of them was trying to charge way too much $$.

My search was put on hold for almost a year, and I continued to journey with substances I was more familiar with in the comfort of my home or the forest. After many journey's with myself, I finally felt I had hit a wall in what I could face on my own. I was trying to get through some serious emotional and mental trauma/baggage, and something told me I needed a big dose of something in order to get through this block, but doing it on my own would be very risky.

Somehow, I came across a church that would put you in contact with people practicing healing work with plant medicines, and I was compelled to join, so I did. Once I joined, they gave me two contacts, and I emailed them right away. One of them got back to me the next day, and I intuitively felt that this person would be the right guide for me at this point in my journey.

I went through a single, one on one, aya ceremony with this person, and everything went really well. We battled some sort of draining energy that had been attached to me for over a decade, and were successful in getting rid of it. The best way I can explain it, is that is was some sort of energetic/spiritual parasite. Things dramatically improved, but I still felt there was more work to be done.

Later on, this person invited me to come to a group ceremony, and I happily accepted. The first night was quite manageable for me, but some strange things started to happen. I became aware of a negative energy or suspicion directed towards me from the healer. At first, I shrugged it off, thinking it could have been my own insecurity coming out, but later on this possibility became more apparent.

The next night I took an even stiffer dose of aya. One of the people in the ceremony was working with peyote instead of aya, due to medical contraindications. They were having a hard time gaining an experience, feeling nothing after a few hours. Then the healer grabbed another glass of peyote tea, and I saw them put a spoonful of something in it. When handed the glass, the person said "Did you put something in this? It tastes different." The healer confirmed there was something in it, but didn't specify what.

Another hour or so went by, then the person who received the glass started to moan and weep, and obviously started to have a very difficult experience. I was summoned to grab the older medicine man, and panic seemed to have taken over. I was under the influence of a stiff dose of aya at this point, and knew that the healer had put some ayahuasca in this persons peyote tea. Due to some things I've read about psychedelics, I thought this was a dangerous combination, especially for a first time journey. However, I was really new to ceremony, and didn't feel it was my place to bring any alarm to the situation. Besides, what was done was done.

Eventually the person who received the dose was okay, and ended up having a valuable experience. During this whole experience I was slapped by aya, but was also opened up to more possibilities than I could've imagined beforehand. I became the singular consciousness, then I was god. It was like a lucid dream. I could stop time, felt I could fly, etc. I truly felt omnipotent. I was completely overwhelmed with infinite possibility, and my human mind just couldn't handle it. I spent hours just staring at our alter in complete awe.

During both of these ceremonies, I was invited to come help other people going through their experience. I was taken totally by surprise that the healer felt I was ready for this. I've always thought I would become a healer of some sort, but I didn't think training would come so soon. It was only my second time drinking, but spirit moved right through me and told me exactly what to do. After the ceremonies were over, I again became aware of some sort of negative energy directed towards me from the healer.

For a couple of weeks, aya fucked with my head big time. I kept being told that the healer was jealous of me, and that the reason I had been treated so badly for most of my life was because people saw things in me they thought they weren't capable of. People were projecting their insecurities on me, and I was always wondering why. I kept battling the thought that all these people who treated me badly were just jealous, and that I needed to quit being so nice in return. I see now that my insights on aya were accurate.

Later on, I was invited to come help with another ceremony, but I said I didn't want to work with aya, I was being drawn to peyote. I went through with it, helped at that ceremony, and everything went fine. There was still some sort of weird tension between me and the healer. I started to notice inconsistencies in their story about the healing path they were on, and also some serious lack of knowledge about these substances. However, I was still new to all of this, and tried to look on the bright side and keep an open mind.

More recently, I was invited down again, and circumstances seemed to quite literally forced me into this situation. This healer was beginning to erect a new church, and people were starting to decide who had what position. I offered quite a bit of help processing medicine, and getting our new site ready for ceremony, but there was something telling me that I needed to keep my eyes open, and not be too quick to jump on this bandwagon. I could feel tension mounting between me and the healer, but I kept forcing myself not to judge, and keep an open mind.

As the next ceremony approached, bad feelings kept coming up. I had strange dreams, lots of visions in meditation, and unmistakable synchronicity. I had bad premonitions about the upcoming ceremony, but something told me I had to be there. It got so bad, I almost skipped out last minute, but continued to hold strong.

Finally the ceremony was about to begin, and the tension was so thick I had a hard time calming myself down enough to even breathe deeply. As the healer came to dose me, they seemed to have a shit eating grin as they fed me spoonful after spoonful of peyote paste. I had the feeling they were trying to dose me so hard that I wouldn't be able to sing and play my instruments later on. I didn't give into fear, and just kept eating all they could give me. I knew in my heart that I had nothing to hide, and that this tension was coming mostly from their fear and jealousy.

I went through two rounds of this spoon feeding, and still wasn't gagging on the medicine. I think peyote tastes pretty good actually. I also ate fresh buttons and drank a couple glasses of tea. I have limited experience with the medicine, but intuitively knew that I had taken a very stiff dose. Tension between them and I continued to mount, and I was just praying to my guides to protect me, and to allow the truth to come out. The healer and I had spoken earlier in the week, and agreed that I might not be helping with the ceremony as much as I had before, because I had already helped process medicine, needed to work on things in myself still, and had felt I earned the opportunity to work on things I needed to.

After a couple of hours, I was in a heavily induced altered state from the peyote, and all the sound in the room seemed to take on lower octaves. My voice, the healers voice, etc. I was laying down, and trying to pray and meditate on why I had so much misfortune in my life that I felt I never deserved, when the healer came by and kicked my feet/legs, and motioned for me to come help with healing people. I calmly told them I was working on myself, and then they did it again. This time I responded very seriously, and said I needed to keep doing work.

Then the healer came to me again, and said the spirits said I need to eat more medicine. I declined, and the person became more persistent. I know my limits very well, and still declined. I didn't care if they were the leader of the ceremony, I make my own decisions for my mind, body, and spirit. In prayer, I was instructed by my spirit guides to go to the bathroom because a sort of conflict was about to happen between me and the 'healer.' While there, they told me not to give in to the pushiness of the healer, and just go play and sing when I was asked to. That's all I needed to do.

So I got ready to perform, and noticed my instrument just didn't sound right. It wouldn't stay in tune no matter how hard I tried. After struggling for 10 minutes or so, I was told by spirit to ignore it and just perform. During the middle of my song, the healer came by and interrupted me, whispering in my ear, "I said play your songs," with quite a frustrated tone. I didn't let it stop me and told them that it was one of my songs and I wrote it. They immediately walked off frustrated.

My instrument kept sounding off, but I just performed from the bottom of my heart and ignored all else. I had the feeling that something supernatural was De-tuning my instrument, and that the 'healer' had put some sort of hex on it. The group still loved it, and kept asking me to do more. So I obliged. Meanwhile the healer is looking like they're about to blow. The healer even tried to get me to stop performing, but the group kept asking me to. I played a few more, then my spirit guides instructed me to sit down, and that I had done enough. So I did.

More medicine came around, and I decided to take more, as I felt a purge starting to come. I really wanted to puke, and still hadn't yet during the previous ceremonies. Finally, one last spoonful touched my tongue, and everything in my stomach came out. What a release! I felt better, and started to wonder if it was me who had created the tension all along, but still felt that something was up between me and the healer. Things calmed down a little bit, and I was finally allowed to work on myself again.

Days after the ceremony, there was still this tension between us, and I was finally accepting what my intuition was telling me all along. This 'healer' was threatened by my gifts, and knew that I could see through the front they put up about being all peace and love. They were more focused on profit and power than healing, and I was truly there out of the sincerity of my heart. I was guided to leave the area where the church was forming, and that I had done all that I was supposed to do.

Upon returning home, I started to realize that the power in this world of spirit is all so new to me and the other people involved, that we can't be sure of the true intentions of so called 'shaman.' A few days went by, and I kept getting strange messages online from the healer, and finally felt I had to say what what really on my mind. Then they made some very childish accusations about my behavior, trying to say I have various mental health issues, and that I probably shouldn't work with these medicines anymore. I chuckled at this, because I know myself well now, and I'm in the best health I've ever been in. In a long message, I told them exactly what I thought. That they were irresponsible, threatened, jealous, and hiding their true motives to do this work. I haven't heard a word back since, but don't really care to at this point.

I got my soul back that night, and now I have no doubts about my intuition, abilities, or gifts. I'm not going to let other people take me down a notch because of their jealousy or insecurity. I have nothing to hide or apologize for. I now think this person is more of a brujo than a shaman, and that I would do well to never take medicine with them again. I'm tempted to notify some people higher in the church of how this person has violated their own code of ethics, and those of the higher church. I don't really want to cause any more crap, but I also don't want to see anyone else get hurt. People with less experience than me could be really damaged by these sorts of risks and actions, and it worries me. I'm getting over it now, and just seeing 'shaman's' actions as childish, but also very risky.

I thought this would be a good place to get some outside opinions, and just air out the frustrations I experienced during all of this. I'm in a tough spot, but I feel that I need to do something. For now, I'm just going to let things play out as they will, because things like this have a way of working themselves out in time. Thank you for reading if you have read all of this, and I hope I get some valuable input.

Peyote and ayahuasca do not seem to be a dangerous combination. There are people within the NAC who do use them together at times. San Pedro is also combined with ayahuasca in some circles in Peru.

If the person was on meds, that is where the danger may be.

I noticed a couple things....

First - ya, peyote and Ayahuasca are often taken together by a number of groups. Not really dangerous. Pretty dishonest of them to mix in something and not tell the guy though, especially since he is on contraindicated meds. Sounds irresponsible.

I notice you were quick to assume someone is casting sorcery on you... You seem to look for the worst in people by the way you describe the intentions of others in this above story. You dont know what they are thinking but your mind seems to make up intentions and assume those are theirs and not yours... Maybe this isnt something you do and it was just the way you described the ceremony, but I think it is worth thinking about if you are open to it. Life is rough when you automatically assume everyone is out to get you or cast sorcery on you.... Nothing in your story sounded like someone casting sorcery against you to me BTW (if they really wanted to hurt you I think they would do worse then de-tune your guitar).

It does sound like this group is very irresponsible though. I wouldnt drink with them. Asking first timers to help out in ceremony, telling people to play un-tuned instruments and then telling them to stop, mixing plants for people on meds without telling them, being pushy about wanting you to eat more peyote, kicking people to get their attention.... Sounds like they dont understand how to host ceremony.

If you like drinking with them then keep at it. But if you arent into them you shouldnt drink with them. Everyone you drink with rubs off on you in some way - only drink with people you trust and resonate with. Otherwise you are asking for trouble.... I dont think you should settle for a facilitator - take the time to find the right one and you will be much better off.

Sorry if I am giving advice where it isnt wanted.... Just reading your story these things popped out to me and I wanted to mention them.

"Then the healer came to me again, and said the spirits said I need to eat more medicine. I declined, and the person became more persistent. I know my limits very well, and still declined. I didn't care if they were the leader of the ceremony, I make my own decisions for my mind, body, and spirit."

---

I think you made the best decision. You seem to have reasonable fears when dealing with a mind altering/life changing substance. It may not be physically life threatening, but it can absolutely be forever life changing. I am disappointed in the behavior of your healer. No one should EVER be FORCED to do something against their will. If someone says they are feeling uncomfortable and you completely ignore their requests to give it time and space, they are not concerned with YOUR well being. They are concerned with theirs. I agree with your assumption about this part. I also don't believe he cursed your instrument. Maybe he wanted to in his mind but then that would hurt the ceremony which you also said he might be more concerned about than you. Either way, it sounds like you figured it out and made the best decisions for yourself. You are right, no one knows you like you. Thank you for sharing this experience so that others can lookout for the same kinds of behavior. Someone else might not have recognized their own powers and given into the healers pushiness. You set an example for us all. Thank you.

[quote=travsha]I noticed a couple things....



I was not aware of that, good to know. I always thought it was best to stick with one substance anytime you use an MAOI, especially if you're new to non-ordinary states.



I'm just curious, but I'm wondering where you see me talking about the intentions of other people besides the healer. I intended on taking care to not mention other people in writing this. It is only one person I've felt had bad intentions towards me. Just wondering.



This is very true. I was wondering where these feelings were coming from for a long time, because I noticed how aware you become of other people's energy in the room. "Is this me or them, or them?" I would think periodically. This is why I was careful to wait for so long before making any decisions about these thoughts. I do believe in some level of 'telepathy,' or a heightened awareness, especially with these medicines.

I've also taken care in how I describe this situation, because I wouldn't want anyone from the group reading it and knowing who I'm talking about, so I've had to be sort of vague.

To travsha, I do sometimes have a habit of seeing the worst in people, but I always try and look for the best. People are pretty crazy creatures, and I've had quite a few bad experiences with them. I've finally grown enough to realize that most of us are all pretty lost, and commit selfish acts out of our own insecurities. In a nutshell, I'm done looking for some preconceived notion of perfection in people. That doesn't mean that I don't watch my own back. I have to. I'm still letting go of all the bad experiences in my past, and trying not to reflect that upon other people I meet. I always do my best not to judge, and give people the benefit of the doubt. Although I don't get good feelings from how this is all starting off, and I think I've made a good call. It feels way too culty.

When someone tries to claim that I'm suffering from mental disorders because I made them uncomfortable with my music, I have to draw the line. It was a cheap shot and that's all. If anyone else has ever been good at something here, you know that people get jealous of it and do childish things to overcome their own sense of inadequacy. The better and better I get at music, the more often I seem to run into it. Artists are touchy emotional people, me included, but I really do try and keep it in check, and never ACT upon it. I keep those feelings to myself, and rarely have them anymore, because no one can be me. There's nothing to try and protect when it comes to my unique abilities.

I know it sounds a little crazy to wonder if someone used sorcery on my instrument, but it was really strange. It never goes out of tune like that, ever. Other people noticed it too.
Then strange things were said to me afterwards about the safety of my vehicle, the safety of my family, it came off quite menacing. Nothing has really happened since, but I've been praying and not going into fear or judgement. I've definitely started praying more since then, asking for guidance and protection. Either way, we are bombarded with negative influences constantly, and little rituals help remind me that nothing has power over me unless I let it.

I'm pretty certain this person was just threatened that I had scientific knowledge about a lot of substances, I never try to come off as a know it all, I just try to share it and some people are offended or threatened by someone knowing things they don't. I'm also somewhat of a heretic, and question people in power if something seems off. I have pretty good intuition, scary good sometimes, and I have no doubts this person was threatened by me in some way. Their intentions were no longer positive towards me. Especially when there was no profit involved. I've had no problems with any of the other members, but since I told this healer how I really felt about the situation, no one will return my calls or messages. It makes me wonder what is being said now.

TimeGearingBlocks; I'm glad this story will be a reminder to anyone who ends up in a similar situation. I thought I would really find some people with similar motives in using these medicines, to heal ourselves and the planet. However, just because people are working with plants that have the power to enlighten, doesn't mean they have the best intentions, or won't fall victim to traps of the ego. People in power easily fall victim to god complexes, and this wasn't starting off in a good way. There was TON's of ego going around by the last ceremony. Everyone wants to be a shamans apprentice, and they've only tripped a few times, let alone worked with peyote or aya for very long. It's already turning into a who's who based off who can stroke this person's ego the most. I'm done looking for guidance from other people with these medicines for now. I'm learning to procure them on my own, or with close friends I can be sure of.

I didn't realize it wasn't dangerous to mix aya and mescaline, good to know. It just didn't seem very wise for someones first time, especially if they're taking meds that don't mix well with aya in the first place. Be wary of self proclaimed guru's people! In my experience, a lot them are just feeding their own ego and blowing smoke to stay in power. If they can't stand up to questioning and you catch them in lies about their path, I'd say run the other way. This person has done some harm to me, and no healer should ever do that.

There is some ego involved when a person believes that they have some kind of extra power and other people are suddenly jealous of them etc, as well.

Just saying, might help to approach this differently next time.

Care to elaborate? I'm not quite following.

I should maybe clarify: San Pedro and Ayahuasca together are fairly common, and San Pedro is similar to peyote.

Many people mix other substances with MAOI's, the most common one being DMT. I would say for beginners you dont want to mix so much, but it isnt really dangerous unless you pick the wrong substances. Better to just start simple and work your way up slowly though. I think if you are new and especially if you are on your own it is better to keep it simple and not mix too much and I agree with you that in the situation you describe they shouldnt have mixed things for that person. It isnt physically dangerous normally, just irresponsible the way they did it and dangerous with the meds. Aya with meds isnt safe at all - that is whats really scary.


People totally hurt others through their own insecurities. We all do. I think understanding that is part of learning unconditional love. Helps you relate to people instead of judging them.

I think you are headed in the right direction and it is good that you can see yourself honestly, see where you can judge others sometimes and also see how you are getting better at not judging. It's a process for everyone and I am learning the same lessons over here!

I will tell you some things about curses.... When I have seen curses with Ayahuasca they usually look more like someone getting violently sick and purging everywhere, or getting so sick they cant barely move. Often they are unable to eat for days. If they arent this sick, then the other way curses show up is that everything in your life starts being way harder then it normally is and way harder then it makes sense for it to be - not just a couple things, but everything at once. Curses are really intense - I think if anything like that ever goes your way you will know it for sure. If you have to wonder whether or not you are cursed, you probably arent cursed.

If you think you picked up bad energy from others though that is more common. In a room with people purging if the facilitator doesnt clean up that energy well then it can jump to others. Maybe this is what happened with your guitar? If you feel like this is going on, what I would recommend is that when you get home smudge your entire house and say prayers for cleaning and protection. Then take a bath in epsom salts (bath salts or sea salt also work, but epsom salts are best). Feel free to add any herbs, flowers or essential oils to the bath that feel good (I really like lavender, rose, sage, and guayasa personally). Usually the smudge, prayers and bath will do the trick, but if anything else lingers go make an offering to the earth and your spirit guides and either burn or bury it - this can be incredibly powerful if you take the time to put prayers into the offering.

Thank you for the clear reply and thoughtful responses! It gives me a lighter feeling about this situation to have someone even try to consider where I'm coming from and also give me some valuable insight. You are right about the challenge to reserve judgement upon others. In American culture, and many modern cultures for that matter, its beat into our heads so much from a young age, it takes great energy to override these thought patterns. At the same time, we have to make some judgements in order to avoid situations that might have an undesirable outcome. I'm finding that life is really a fine balancing act if one wants to have a more rewarding experience in this world.

Interesting info about the curses. I really thought my life was cursed for a long time before I began this path of healing. Even other people started to believe me when they saw how bad my luck was sometimes. It was always brick wall after brick wall. I'm starting to think it was hereditary karma or something like that. The guitar thing was sort of this way. It was extremely hard to play, and my voice sounded like 4 octaves lower. Everything did actually, but especially my voice. I had to play from the deepest center of my heart and soul, and ignore all bad energy and physical obstacles completely. If he was influencing this situation, I now see that the joke is on him because I don't think I'll ever be afraid to play on stage after that. If I can play from my heart in that situation, I can play in any situation in normal circumstances. It gave me a whole lot more confidence, which is exactly what I needed. Although, I really don't think he intended on this, I believe it was the greater spirit working through this situation as it always does in life. We just don't always recognize it.

I'm definitely starting to take my practices in shamanism more seriously now. After he made comments about my car I pulled over before driving home and smudged the whole thing, prayed, and drove very carefully. When I returned home, I felt I needed to do some sort of ceremony to brush off any negative energy that was lingering. So I rested for a few days, and decided I would take some L out in the woods by myself. I took what I had learned and made it mine. Prayed for love, guidance, and set a circle of protection with tobacco. Some strange things happened, like the shaman was aware I was doing this, was attacked by bees at first, weird stuff like that. I'm glad I did it though. Then my mom started getting strange headaches, weird dreams, etc.

It could be some energy that I just took home with me, but I didn't take chances, and pray for protection every day. It doesn't matter to me from what or who this protection is utilized against. I'm going to order some palo santo, frankincense, etc. and make these sorts of things a more regular practice, whether I'm using medicine or not. The bottom line is, I don't think this guy has the experience or power he claims to, and I saw through that, and he is threatened. When I first met him, he claimed to be a roadman for the past 20 years. He's only in his late 30's to early 40's. This was the first lie I had concrete evidence of, because I'm pretty sure no one is a roadman in their late teens to early twenties. Just doesn't add up.

Maybe he is a brujo, just not as powerful as some who live and breathe this stuff deep in the jungle. Maybe he is a medicine man, but also just a human with insecurities like the rest of us. I just can't learn from and support someone who isn't honest about their experience and intentions. It doesn't fit the definition of medicine man to me. Especially if they are willing to physically confront you when it wasn't necessary to do so. There's some things I've left out out of some level of paranoia, but I really doubt anyone from the church will see this. He even walked up and bumped into me with his chest while I was between songs. This is the only time I pushed back, not very hard, but enough to let him know that I wasn't going to put up with that crap. Ceremony or no, I don't just let people invade my space like that. The whole situation was very confrontational. I was pretty shocked that it got to that level.

Sometimes in ceremony my voice will do things it doesnt normally do. My voice has changed octaves and one weird things. Sometimes guitar is way harder or way easier to play.... Ceremony does weird things sometimes and playing music in ceremony is not the same as playing music normally. Maybe there was more to it, but most likely just a fluke I think.... Better not to worry because whether there was sorcery or not, worrying makes it worse.

Sounds like you learned a lot from this ceremony - so at least there is that!

I dont think the guy you are describing is a brujo or a medicine person - I think they are just in over their head and taking on responsibilities they arent ready for yet. They probably have good intentions, but just have more growing and learning to do. Best not to drink with them though! lol

You're probably right about that, there was quite a bit of peyote in me, so I was quite altered. On the other hand, peyote has a surprisingly sober feel to it compared to most of the medicines I use. The dude definitely has some medicine 'skills,' I just don't think he has as much experience as he claims. I definitely have learned a lot, one is not to worry so much. I'm bad about that.

I truly appreciate your input, as well as everyone who commented before. It put my mind at ease to talk to people outside of the situation without gumming up relationships I gained through these ceremonies.

Thank you Nexus, and the various strangers who helped!