... Where to begin?

This thread isn't about looking for pitty, its about me seeking advice and help, I just don't know where to start and I find it hard to ask for it. Over the last 12 or so years events in my life seem to be spiraling out of control.

First it was health issues that required me to make some changes in lifestyle and think about thing differently, those changes didn't pan out - in fact they lead to more issues that required more changes, this has happened a few times. Now it feels like I make mistakes to fix mistakes.

In that time I went from being fairly active socially to withdrawn, antisocial, and inward in my thinking, now I find it hard to get motivated about anything because its easier to do nothing. How do I get back my confidence? How do I start conquering fear? I know these are big questions, but I hope someone can relate either by experience or by professional aptitude. I just want to be happy with my life again, and to not feel like crap anymore.

Maybe the Nexus isn't the right place for these things? I just see a few members that have turned their lives around, gone from being unhealthy to happy, dynamic, stable people. I have an aversion to institutions and mainstream medicine, is this part of the problem? I'm what the medical profession lables as "non-compliant"

The part of this that does apply here would be that Im interested in microdosing psilocybin daily in hopes to pick up my mood a bit, maybe someone who has/is doing this can shed some light?

Sorry if this is a stupid way of going about things, I just want to start moving forward again!

nemesauce,

if you wish to change your life, you have to be willing to go all the way. You don't change your life but remain the same person you are now. You change yourself, redifine what you are and what you do, and that changes everything else. IME it's only when you accept this that you can actually begin to transform yourself.

We don't know your health issues, so it's hard to say whether or not it's a problem. A lot of things can be fixed or bettered with mainstream medicine, it seems, especially if the problem is organic in nature. However, even if you do decide to look at mainstream medicine options, a holistic approach to problems might be a good idea. The way I see it, our psychology and our neurochemistry, our brain physiology - they are all interrelated, interlaced and are influencing each other at all times. Plus, they influence our bodily functions and our immune system. Our diet similarly, can influence our immune system, our organ functions and our brain chemistry...

In general however, I picture the system "self" as we define ourself as of being in a stable and robust state most of the time. This means that changing a bit here and a bit there won't result in big overall changes - won't bring everything out of ballance. The system bounces back and continues on doing what it always did. If you are looking to really alter this state you have to find a way to break out of the stability and then find a new robust state to gravitate to. In the process you will find yourself in a moment of instability, where everything is out of whack. It's critical to propell yourself into a desired direction here, and not fall into a worse state than previous. In any case the amount of energy needed to overcome the steep walls of the self-well is great, and to do it deliberately and with an aim requires a great deal of determination, willpower and sacrifice, among other things.

For me microdosing harmalas or iboga didn't do any good. If anything I ended up feeling more and more desperate when I tried that route. I've never tried psilocybin in microdoses. What did help was addressing the actual problems and finding out of the box solutions for them. In order to solve my problems I had to become someone else, I had to change my modus operandi. If you ask me, that's the only way to really change your life...

Officially I was diagnosed with relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis 12 years ago, I was told then to plan for a sedentary lifestyle, I did this and found the opposite to be true, the only thing my neurologist wants to do is push pharmaceuticals (all of which are now being questioned as ineffective and placebo at best), I am part of a growing patient base that feels like more of a medical prisoner than a patient - there just is no acceptance of "possibly helpful" treatments. MS aside, going back over my personal medical history, possible causes etc. It's possible that part of the problem is systemic Candidiasis, I did an anti candida diet as an experiment, high protein/fat, low to no carbs, no sugar, and reintroduce healthy gut flora through probiotics Before any conclusions are made, the diet itself is only meant to be temporary, designed to starve candida. For 3 months I noticed positive drastic changes in almost all of my symptoms. Then I fell of the wagon and started eating things high in sugar, this lead to a relapse of symptoms, now everyone just thinks I'm in denial, maybe I am.

I just want to get back on top of things in what every way I can.

I'm not really looking to cure anything with psychedelics, but it has been part of my life for 20 or so years in varying degrees, I don't think this will change much, but I have been treating them more seriously.

I figured if I can open myself up to total strangers I could start to opening up to myself. Sorry to just show up and dump this here, probably not the best way of doing things

I read that it's not a good idea to try to starve candida when you are not simultaneously taking some kind of anti-fungal medicine. Perhaps try combining the diet with some form of fungicide and see how that goes. If it's not candida but a change in diet helped make you feel better, perhaps you should explore that a bit more. You might have to be strict with yourself for a while until you really get used to it, but even things like vegan diets become normal after a while, and anyway, if you feel better, the inconvenience of it and even the supression of desire for things you won't eat, are totally worth it.

Have you tried changing your doctor?

You're always welcome to PM me, I can give you a longer reply later, for now just a short one: I think it's a good idea microdosing psilocybe mushrooms everyday. It can lift your mood and also help you with the motivation to drop dairy and sugar and carbs from your diet. The first step towards change is recognising the problem and you're already many steps ahead, you've come up with a possible solution and it's a good idea! Stay safe and good luck

Yes, I supplemented after each meal with a combination of probiotics and natural antifungals caprylic acid, whole ginger, whole garlic, coconut oil, grapefruit seed extract, pau d'Arco, and some antifungal supplements designed for candida diet.

I have changed neurologists and GP's a few times, I always get a condescending jerk with no regard or compassion, maybe I'm the problem?

Wanting to change your life is the first step.

Having thoughts of what you want, instead of what you don't want will put you on a higher frequency. I know it's not easy..but change your thinking! Do not dwell on what you feel like you have become, do not pity yourself for getting to this point. All that matters is RIGHT NOW and making changes TODAY!

Find small things to give you a sense of purpose to regain your ground, start a small garden and nurture and love the plants, it will give you a sense of purpose if you haven't felt one in a long time. Get a pet if you don't have one and you want one. Do yoga or meditate if you do not already. Show yourself love because you are amazing and YOU DESERVE IT!

Your mind operates on a certain frequency, similar to a television. You tune into your frequency and you are given pictures, pictures of your life. You must change the frequency to receive a different picture, and it starts and ends with your thoughts. Thoughts become actions..actions drive your life. But the root of all change is thought. Dwell on what you want, ask yourself what you want more than anything in life, let it consume you and all will fall into place.

Some things to think about, <3

Thanks for posting, I just want things to start moving forward again, I made this topic from a frustrated mind set and I apologize for this foolishness.

This is good. Keep doing that. Right diet is the way to go. Do not give up and never take antibiotics.



Trust me you are not the problem. Doctors these days are just a robots. They generally do not care and have no empathy for their patients. GP's are almost all like this. You get 5 minutes get your prescription and out of the way. Like on the production line with products.

If you want to get well and move on you have to do it your self. Do not count on any doctor to really help you with your problem. GP's are like drug dealers these days but they get licence for it.

Generally I wouldn't trust doctors specially GP's these days, specially after many bad experiences with them.

There are some good ones though. I know a guy very good doctor who used to work in mine hospital who gave up his job because he was basically not allowed to do more for his patients then he was thought in school. Anything outside the box was prohibited. He became a priest and now can help people more then he ever could as a doctor.

I use psyllium husk to dampen hunger when fasting or curbing diet and is great for bowl movements.

As for your problems well I am in the same boat as you, I only hope DMT and quality time alone will allow for growth and to see beyond the imposed limitations that create your percieved 'problems'. I don't think you should consider "withdrawn, antisocial, and inward in my thinking" bad if it is done correctly with the right attitude, in fact that is where many consider the best state to be in...



This way, things may smoothen on its own without the 'self-motivated force' your looking for.


Of course this is all really relevant to the story about a goose in a bottle

I feel like most of the problem is psychological. So many set backs and you forget to know what it feels like to be stable, I stopped wanting to try harder, I know this isn't the way it has to be though, finding a path forward is difficult.

I don't think I perceive being withdrawn as a thing I need to change, but I've noticed that I have no balance the other way either. I am stuck in my own thoughts at the expense of everything else.

I guess I am looking some outside opinions, some suggestions to get things going again, thanks for the response's, I thought this topic was foolish, but there is a lot of decent advice and things to think about. If not now then when? Right?

Thank you all.

Do you remember what your dreams were telling you?

You are ready, you have been ready, all that is left is to simply do it. There are people to help you along the way, even women in suits...

Just remember what you have learned along the way and you will be fine.

Don't try and change yourself. Accept yourself and your situation as it is right now. Right now you are experiencing exactly what you need to. The universe is ever changing and expanding. We too should look to change and expand as we are part of the universe. Look deep into yourself and ask these questions leaving some silence to hear the answers. The only one that can answer such questions is yourself.

Fear is a low energy. Feel it and see for yourself. Push it out of the way. It takes courage to push through the fear and learn to love the experiences of fear accepting the lessons that fear has brought to the table.

Raising yourself into love can feel unnatural. It takes practice. It takes commitment. I wish I could show you your true nature and being. I wish I could place that love into your heart. The only one that can do that is you. Please push on and know that you are not alone. Look from a new perspective. Choose to perceive your life in a new way. In fact your perception is the only thing you have any control over. As soon as you choose a new perception you will see new choices and a new way. Deep down you know this is true. You cannot perceive the way you have been as it is causing sickness in every way. Pull your hand away from the fire. You are being burned.

I would echo what Enoon said above. Very well put, sir.

I can relate to your opening post, nemesauce. And all I can say from here is that the path is very long and arduous. Peace.

Changing ones self is not an easy task. But you need that self motivational drive that tells you, "this is not all there is to it". Digging deep to new things are just a step in the right direction.

Being healthy is defiantly a huge plus because how we feel physically we feel mentally. and vise versa. Do what your body needs and don't fight it too hard, and don't hit yourself for things that don't seem to work out. Just try something new and see if that works. There are struggles in the way i can understand this, but do what makes you feel better for your own well being. I know you can man

I really appreciate all the good advice, I found something useful in everyone's post

This resonates with me the most, you had me at "system". This I understand.
Thank you

I would suggest looking into bee sting therapy, also known as apitherapy. Google it.

I have seen some amazing things happen with this therapy in regards to MS.

The acupuncturist at the clinic I manage turned me on to it ten years ago.

He got into it due to being diagnosed with a deadly form of rheumatoid arthritis in his early 20's a few decades ago.

I can give you tons of suggestions & options within the realm of herbal/alternative medicine if you feel like PM-ing me. I have decades of experience in this area & I am not a salesman.

If not no worries. I wish you the very best of luck nemesauce!

P.S. Mushrooms are my favorite psychedelic to micro-dose.

Thanks Doc

I have looked into bee sting therapy, I does seem to help some people with MS.
MS isn't actually a disease per se... Its presented as a disease but its more of a classification of symptoms that are lumped together under one name, its caused by an unknown or multiple unknown factors, often the body's own immune system is blamed, a lot of new research is indicating that the immune system is actually trying to do its job properly but is somehow comprised, the problem is possibly caused by a problem with the transport of waste out of the brain, until recently it was a mystery how this was accomplished.

Almost every auto-immune condition is also accompanied by a GI tract problem of some sort, I think my problem is Systemic Candida
Sorry if this doesn't count as a good source, candida is one of those "fringe" conditions that mainstream medicine is not so good at accepting.

I've actually spent quite a bit of time looking into things that could help and have had the most success with dietary change, I can tell within 20-30 min if I've eaten anything dairy based or gluten rich foods.

PS. Mushies are my favorite at any dose

Good...I have seen some amazing things regarding bee sting therapy & MS in so far as slowing down or halting of the progression of the symptoms.




I am very well aware of this...In fact, most all the phenomena that modern, Western medicine calls "disease" are, in fact, symptoms. That's just straight-up Taoist philosophy upon which Traditional Chinese Medicine is based upon.



The so-called "immune system" is an almost infinite amount of different factors. This phrase has been over-used to the point of ridiculousness.



Yes, more or less, due the fact that the GI tract is part of the brain!!! Modern, Western science is just barely beginning to figure this out...Traditional Chinese Medicine has known this for several millennia.



Don't apologize for the source. I've dedicated my entire adult life to studying traditional, indigenous medicines...I don't give much credence to scientific sources of European/Western origin anyway.

Candida can be overloaded in the body, but it is never "the culprit"...Everybody has Candida albicans yeast in their body; it's only when the equilibrium of the system is unbalanced that it gets out of hand & can over-grow. Don't be fooled into thinking that simply "killing Candida" will somehow rid you of your problems. That's the same Western thinking that leads to wars on cultures, wars on drugs, wars on cancer, wars on "evil", (that can never be won, realistically speaking)...after all "fighting solves everything", right?



Perhaps then it is time for you to discipline yourself with dietary change...I will never argue with this route, other than say that it is a weak position to come from, in that, if you can get yourself balanced out, you should be able to eat whatever the heck you want to (within moderate reasoning) & be free from symptoms for the most part.

If you've never in your life disciplined yourself in regards to diet, then it's probably time to do so...I am just always concerned that that approach will create more neurosis, which I've been through myself as a matter of fact (I fasted & veganed & raw-fooded through my 20's)...Real, true balance in life comes from being easy-going & not neurotic. That's the reason I stopped managing health food stores a decade ago & started doing something that directly confronted peoples' neuroses about "healthy living".

Sounds as if you're in a better space than your initial post lead me to believe. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors.

I'm always available to PM if you have any questions regarding supplements of any kind. I have an insane amount of experience with that world & I've built my reputation on being incredibly no-bullshit.

A lot of psychological problems can be traced back to physical malnutrition...and vice versa. It's a vicious cycle. One definitely needs to address all the problems from many different angles...Spiritual, Mental/psychological, and physical. (this is a reductionist answer, but can be elaborated more if you want)

I don't trust most doctors...thus I never go see them anymore. Generally they are dangerous drug dealers...only interested in treating symptoms, not getting to the root causes..and even if they were interested in the root cause, they do not have the training to get there. It is a deathcare system...there is very little heal(th) involved. It is truly sickening to see.

I was very unhealthy and sick for many years...too many problems to go into. I never got a clinical diagnosis because I didn't want drugs pushed down my throat, nor did I have the money or trust of the system. I've seen waaaay to many peoples lives destroyed by drugs(the legal kind)

I am doing much better now. I have spent the last 3 1/2 years doing lots of research into how the body and mind work and slowly implement changes in my eating habits and thought patterns. The results are astounding...I highly value scientific research, even though it does not offer absolute truths...thus I do all my research on the internet.

In the end it comes down to desire and willingness. Do you desire to change, to be healthy with ALL your being. If you do then will you be willing to make all the changes necessary??..It takes a truly strong will and dedication to overcome some of these challenges, and it is a very long, slow process, but it is very rewarding. But one must be prepared to analyze all parts of ones lifestyle, which encompasses such a large amount of area...If you would like me to elaborate more on that, please let me know