Hello reader.

Yesterday I had an eye opening experience that was exactly what I had been looking for, although it can't even be classified as an experience. I've been keeping up a constant struggle to find or discover myself, when I've been in plain sights, but outside of the perception of sight, all along. In other words, I am that which I have been seeking. There is no veil covering my experience, because everything is always very clear and apparent.

Now then, I've been dealing with this non-existent dilemma for a while and would say that much of my delving in psychedelics has been revolved around this constructed conflict. I am at this point and acknowledge that there no longer is any reason for me to continue my use of any substance, but at the same time I have realized that there is a gravitation towards having an affection for suffering. In other words, there is a desire to desire something, although there really is no progress or attainment to be made. There is still a curiosity towards the depth of mind that can be revealed layer by layer during the psychedelic experience, but what really is the point of trying to strip away these endless amounts of layers?

What this all boils down to is, why do YOU use these substances? What sets the intention for your journeying into these realms? Especially so when you become aware that many times, these experiences may actually bring just as much false belief with them, as they bring clarity? Is it all just a mere curiosity to explore how far the mind can stretch, and if so, how do you see that this is a worthwhile practice in any way?

I think you and I are very near in our mindset at this particular time.

My last journey let me know exactly what I needed to know, that I could hang up the phone now so to speak. I have work to do here and I need to get it done before I can progress to what comes after.

My journey into these places was to find truth and understanding so that I could be free. What happened was it brought more questions than answers. These questions helped me to gain some insight and understanding and I learned a lot about myself. I saw how my mind works, my conditioning, my attachments, there is a lot going on in our minds at all times.

I use what I learn to help me become a "better person". When used in that perspective psychedelics can be a great tool for discovery. You can figure this out without psychedelics as well of course.

I don't have a desire to go back until my work is done, and if I go back I want to see what is beyond that portal. That portal is a metaphor, it was put there by my mind and likely represents my willingness to accept what is and cannot be changed. Why else after being stripped down to nothing would I regrow into and regain my human form, that's obviously attachment. I have to let go of everything so I can accept what comes with open arms, mind and heart. It is "mental baggage" that keeps me from greater understanding. Knowing this is a great freedom in itself. Could I have figured all of this out without psychedelics, sure I could have.

I hope this in some way answers your question, and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Talk to people about your experiences, you can only use them as a tool if you work with them like a tool. There are really brilliant minds here with insight that is amazing if you cannot understand the meaning of what you experienced.

It seems as though bonne, you may have reached one of the 'end points' (for lack of a better term) of a deep pattern of procrastination.
As if upon reaching the cliff, looking down to the churning waters of your mind and half way down a cave filled with light flickers in the moonlight.
All there is now is to climb down to the cave, and see the materials within to fashion yourself a bridge/boat to cross the waters.

Everything is to see how far the mind can stretch.

DMT is like dreams to me.
Maybe what I experience in my dreams is utterly pointless and will not "help" me in anyway but the dreams are still very ( vs day to day "life" ) interesting nonetheless.

Not everything requires having something to be had from it to still be a great experience

I haven't partaken in almost two years, but I sought adventure, the big picture, geometry, multidimensionality, ancient culture interaction, the unknown, epiphanies, novelty, energetic interaction, detail, beauty, interconnectivity, the sounds/music, change in perspectives, experimentation, and momentary happiness of another order.